Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Enter (02/27/06)
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TITLE: The Key to Enter | Previous Challenge Entry
By Gena Killen
03/04/06 -
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She was ready for peace. She was ready to trade in the fighting and the feeling of never being good enough for quiet independence. She couldn’t wait to begin again. To start over.
Enter.
“Come on...” she told herself. “You’ve gone through everything now, we’re just down to this, do it!” she tried to push herself but her finger wouldn’t cooperate.
She leaned back in her chair. What was going on?
“God” she prayed. “I need this. I want this. You’re disappointed, but understand. Did I give up on You? Why can’t I just press this small key?”
Tears began once again. Digging deeper, she thought she was past being torn about the right decisions. She had talked it out with Joseph so many times and even though he was so disappointed he was ready for mommy and daddy to be happy. Why couldn’t she just be happy anyway? Joseph wanted his family. She knew that. She had tried so hard and prayed so intensely for peace and God never seemed to deliver. In her anger she put her hand back on the keyboard with her pinkie in position.
“One stroke, just do it!” Her motivation weaned again. Then as if something heavy had been laid on her chest, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She tried to take a deeper breath and couldn’t. She had an overwhelming sense from God. He was talking to her.
“Give me a real chance.”
“I have God!” she said to Him shaking, knowing she was pleading with the Maker. She was still trying to defend her efforts.
“Give me a real chance. I am so in love with you and I want you to find me.”
“I know where You are now Lord. Where have you been the last nine years? Forgive me for my anger but I didn’t see You when I was listening to myself being called horrible names. I didn’t see You the next day when I had to pull it all together and pretend like life was fine. And I didn’t see You when he came down so hard on me because of something I couldn’t control. I felt so helpless.” she was shocked really to hear herself speak to the Lord with such conviction. She knew God didn’t make mistakes. She knew He hadn’t left her in those times.
“I was there. I was next to you holding your hand. You didn’t feel it but I so wanted you to be able to. I was running my hand over your hair crying with you when you were on your knees by your bed. I wanted so badly to tell you I was still protecting you and you sensed it. I wanted for you to throw your arms around me too. I didn’t leave you in those times. I was holding your head up the next day when you had to get up and take Joseph to school and continue with your day like everything was normal. I put a cushion on your heart so it wouldn’t break every time the names were being called. I haven’t left you, ever. And I don’t ever plan to.”
With her hands on her face, she wept. She thanked God over and over for reminding her of who He is and what He does and what He was going to do. Without hesitation she closed to window and e-mailed a quick note to the lawyer about giving things one more shot.
Enter.
She entered the realm of God that day. She saw Him again, working. She opened her eyes to His power. She didn’t just give Him a chance, she let him have it. She knew He would never let her down. She was ready to enter a new life with Him.
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