The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
08/29/09! This is filled with so many emotions! I love the ending. Well done!
Wonderful story...enjoyed reading it...and it really does sparkle! Great Job!
I love that: The baby saved her life, not the other way around. Beautiful story.
Wow! This was extremely well-written! Your MC was vivid and real and your story had an excellent message.
Well written, engaging piece. As the sole male critiquer so far, though, it's hard to believe that a man could be that cold and callous. I suppose if you are not a Christian, it is possible.
Wonderfully well written. I enjoyed your story tremendously. Good job!
Oh wow! wow, wow! you're a beginner??? lol. Beautiful. The only red ink I have were for some typos
The husband's anger shocking his wife was a shock to me. She didn't know her husband at all, did she? Such a sad story, with such a joyful resolution!

A couple things didn't ring "true" - I wonder that she didn't have ANY idea he didn't want children? Also, how long had he been working there that she'd never been to his office before to meet the receptionist? Minor things that could just be me.

Some GREEN ink (to grow on): Spice up your narrative with more "showing" - for example "The elegant atmosphere" - describe it so we can see the elegance instead of telling us it was elegant. Write with your senses and make the reader see, smell, hear the atmosphere.

The dialog is emotion-filled. Great story telling, and the ending is simply wonderful!
Excellent story for this level! My only red ink would be for you to take Catrina's advice; she said what I would have. Read winning entries in Masters and Advanced to get the hang of "showing, not telling".
I loved this all the way through, beginning with the title. The details were excellent, yellow booties, same necklace, off the bridge (a thought), crib from Salvation Army, and more. For me, you chose just the right ending.
Very well written. Loved the ending. You will not be in Beginner's long. Well done.
I agree, you won't be in Beginner's long! This was emotion packed.
Hi Joni. I just wanted to leave a quick note to congratulate you on your Highly Commended award in Level 1, and to let you know you also did extremely well overall, ranking 34th out of all the entries for the week.

If you would like to see the highest rankings for yourself, you can find them here:

The highest rankings are posted every Thursday evening on the Message Boards.

Anyway, congratulations again and well done!

Just a quick reminder about this year’s Page Turner Contest for 500 members. If you have a novel in the works (even just the first chapter), this contest is a must to enter:

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)