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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sad (07/26/07)
Lily’s mother was squeezing her hand tightly. She looked at her mother’s watch, the glass was cracked, but the second hand was still ticking, it was four o’clock, it felt like a day has passed. She looked up into the red sky, the day has turned to night as the thick choking smoke covered the sky.

She looked at all the faces of the people around her, they were all covered with dirt, she could barely tell who was who. These were her neighbors, her play friends’ families. Many were crying, some were panting for air, but all were covering their mouth with one hand while holding tightly to someone with the other hand. Some fell down, exhausted from running and walking to the evacuation centers. One woman laid on the ground crying out loud and hitting the ground with her fists. In the mist of the frightful crowd, one was looting from a house she knew wasn’t his. Everyone was in panic.

Why did they let this happened? Why didn’t they stop this before it reached to our homes? Why didn’t God send rain for so many days?

Lily closed her eyes trying to remember the things that seem to be all gone now; the laughers with her friends swinging on the swings in the back yard, the call for afternoon tea, her favorite garden, the lilies she put so much efforts into growing, the chill and the freshness of the air in the morning, the damp grass between her toes, the tree trunk that she etched her growth chart on, the rustling of the leaves, the blue serene sky…

Then Lily started to hum a tune. Out of the mourning of people, her mother noticed the distinctive sound and looked down to her daughter. Soon she recognized the tune and began to sing softly together.

This is my Father's world.
O let me ne'er forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father's world:
why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let the earth be glad!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
08/02/07
Wonderful note of hope at the end!

Your writing shows great promise in your word choices and descriptions. You might want to work a bit on run-on sentences and verb tenses, to improve the flow of your writing.

I'd love to see this polished and expanded, to know your characters better.
Brenda Buikema
08/06/07
Well done. I could feel the frustration.
Colin Swann
08/07/07
We can never understand some of the things we experience, yet God is in control. Here in the UK recently we have had serious flooding many people displaced from their homes and looting. Thanks for getting us to think.