The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Wonderful note of hope at the end!

Your writing shows great promise in your word choices and descriptions. You might want to work a bit on run-on sentences and verb tenses, to improve the flow of your writing.

I'd love to see this polished and expanded, to know your characters better.
Well done. I could feel the frustration.
We can never understand some of the things we experience, yet God is in control. Here in the UK recently we have had serious flooding many people displaced from their homes and looting. Thanks for getting us to think.