Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)
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TITLE: Picklenose and Johnny's First Camp-out of the Summer | Previous Challenge Entry
By R.K. Minor
06/03/07 -
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Mommy watched, as her two boys marched to the back of the yard. Daddy had just finished setting up the tent. Mommy looked at her little boys and thought about last summer’s campout. The trouble of setting up the tent and dragging out all the camping gear; air mattress, sleeping bags, pillows and they could not forget Picklenose’s favorite blanket. She remembered how they worked all day on their campsite; and once it was dark, and time to go to sleep, both boys were too afraid to camp alone. Of course, both boys were a year older, but she still wondered how they would like being alone in the dark.
“It’s getting dark, already,” Picklenose said. “I know,” Johnny replied, “But we have our flashlight and there is nothing to be afraid of.”
“I didn’t say I was afraid!” Picklenose yelled.
“I didn’t say you were,” Johnny said, “ I was just saying that we are safe,”
The boys played around their tent, hoping that the lightning bugs would make an appearance for the first time this summer. They had brought a quart-canning jar with them just in case.
“I don’t think we are gonna catch any lightning bugs,” Johnny said, “But I think the mosquitoes are biting!”
“I have two big bites on my leg,” Picklenose said as he scratched away.
“Time to go to bed,” Mommy yelled out the backdoor.
The boys climbed into the tent and zipped the door closed. As they climbed into the sleeping bags Johnny turned off his flashlight and the lantern but Picklenose kept his flashlight on.
“You want your batteries to stop working.” Johnny asks.
“No,” said Picklenose, “But we don’t have our nightlight and I don’t like the dark.”
“Nothing will happen,” Johnny said to his little brother, but was interrupted buy a giant crash.
“What was that,” Picklenose yelled!
“I do not know, Johnny said as he climbed out of his sleeping bag and crawled over to the door of the tent.
“You can’t open that door, …it could be a MONSTER,” Picklenose yelled!
However, just as Johnny reached for the zipper of the door, it started to unzip itself.
“Help,” Picklenose yelled, “It is a MONSTER!”
Picklenose crawled to bottom of his sleeping bag, Johnny ran, and dove into his. “Boy’s, it is alright, it is just your Daddy,” the familiar voice said.
“I thought it was a monster,” a muffled voice said as Picklenose crawled out of his sleeping bag.
“Sorry, Picklenose, no monster just your daddy checking on you two and bringing out this light, you can use like a nightlight,” Daddy said.
“That good Daddy, how did you know Picklenose was afraid of the dark and wanted a nightlight,” Johnny asks.
“Well that is something Mommy and Daddy’s know,” he replied.
Daddy placed the light by Picklenose’s sleeping bag and told both boys to get to sleep.
“Daddy why is Picklenose afraid of the dark?” Johnny asks, “I never was.”
“Well, you must forget Johnny, before Picklenose was born you had a nightlight,” Daddy said.
“I did,” Johnny interrupted.
“Yes you did,” Daddy said, “And do you want to know something?”
“What is that Daddy?” Picklenose asks.
“When I was your age I slept with a nightlight,” Daddy explained, “I was afraid of the dark and I had a nightlight and my older brother, your Uncle Gary, would make fun of me just like your brother does.”
“Wow,” Picklenose exclaimed!
“So it is O.K. to be afraid in the dark,” Picklenose asks.
“Well I think it is O.K,” Daddy said “ And I think that as you get older you will outgrow the fear of the dark”
“O.K.,” Picklenose said with a smile on his face as he rolled over and climbed into his sleeping bag.
“Johnny I think you should stop picking on your brother about being afraid of the dark, everyone is afraid of something,” Daddy said.
“If I remember right, you are afraid to go into the basement by yourself aren’t you,” Daddy asks.
“Yes … sometimes,” Johnny replies, “But it is scary down there.”
“Well is getting late and you boys have to get some sleep, I will see you in the morning,” Daddy said, “Sleep tight and God bless, don’t let the bedbugs bite! And boys, never forget, Jesus is always with you no matter where you are.”
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You might want to check your verb tenses for consistency, but good use of dialogue. More white space helps too, for easier reading.
Very nice story~