The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/23/07
Lots of witty bits here--I was quite tickled by your narrator's voice.

The last paragraph fizzled a bit for me...

...but this was a delightful read, and an easy-to-digest lesson in perseverance. Great fun!
I truly enjoyed this. Liked the surprise that it was his mother and not his father telling this. Neat! Good writing.
This sounds like it might have been written from personal experience. It's clever and a fun read. Nicely done.
02/24/07
Great story. Your reference to the other guy being 125 lbs more than your son created unanswered questions in my mind. Great lesson from Jeff.
02/24/07
Hehe This was so cute! My favorite line was, "Being the compliant person that I am, I rolled." That was great.

I think I agree with Jan. The last paragraph didn't have a "punch" to it.

Great story over all. Keep writing!
02/25/07
Great description and detail throughout - you really tossed us into the middle of the action with you! (I think you broke my glasses! LOL) Enjoyed this very much.
This was fun! I liked the title and the touch of the glasses. Very cute, I especially like the martial arts angle. ^_^
02/27/07
I liked the structure of the story and the relationship and lesson. I was looking for the lesson to become something for the son in some other specific situation in life. It's good as is, but with more than 750 words allowed, has even more potential.
I agree with a lot of the previous comments, I think if you put on your "creative visors" you would come up with a much more rounded and fullfilling story. It's okay to s-t-r-e-t-c-h the truth of a true-to-life story to give it more punch.

You have the talent - keep writing!
03/01/07
I really enjoyed this. This story comes across as very true to life and that’s what I like about it. I liked Jeff’s coach-like attitude, the son’s initial concern and then laughing at his mother, and the mother’s determined spirit. I found it interesting that Tom was looking for the message directed toward the son while I thought it should be more about the mother since she is telling the story. Good message and well-written too!