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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Police (10/12/06)
The Magic Badge

She puts on the medallion, her shoulders straighten. She looks in the mirror and her chin rises. She grabs her keys and walks out the door.

The cop sits in her squad car, sharp eyes scanning, until she gets a call.

The cop stands squarely in the intersection, directing the cars, where a light has gone out. The cop motions decisively, making eye contact with each driver, continually until the bulb is fixed.

The cop is summoned assist at a storefront, where someone’s breaking in. The cop rushes inside, weapon raised, issuing commands in consecutive steely blasts. The cop sees that the offender is cuffed, and loaded in the car. The cop listens to his disparaging her till he is locked in the precinct.

The cop is called to the freeway where there’s been a collision. The cop turns on her siren to make way for the fire truck, and walks close to the roaring traffic to block the crash off. The cop helps with first aid, speaking calmly, doing her best till the ambulance comes.

The cop gets home late, and answers the calls on her message machine, speaking formally.

She takes off her badge, letting out a long sigh. She slides into a chair at the table and supports her head on her hand. She says a silent prayer, and a single tear makes its track down her cheek.



>Any and all critiques appreciated
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Sara Harricharan
10/19/06
Pretty good-great title. Maybe use a few more present tense after she returns home, like instead of 'supports' try 'supporting' Just a thought! :)
Donna Powers
10/20/06
An interesting "day in the life" piece. You captured the various events of her day. Keep writing and sharing!
Joanne Sher 
10/21/06
Nice little piece here - I would suggest going into more detail on each event, to give it a bit more drama and interest for the reader. It might also feel more personal if you wrote this in the first person, though that may just be my opinion! I loved your last sentence, by the way! Keep writing!
Leigh MacKelvey
10/25/06
I liked the rpetition of "the cop" in each paragraph. It makes a nice reading pattern. I disagree about uusing "suppoting" instead of support. I think support is stronger. One suggestion, I would have liked to have heard just a little more at the end about why she cries. ( a little more detail.) Great writing!
blondy beb-boone
10/09/07
Good start, keep writing!