Previous Challenge Entry (EDITOR'S CHOICE)
Topic: MATCH( 08/26/21)
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TITLE:
Knowing the Reasons | Writing Challenge By Brenda Kern 09/02/21 |
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I have been searching for my birth parents using DNA. We are a mother and son genetic match, and I’d like to meet you. Are you still together with my father? Or still in touch? Do you know where he can be found, and can you get me in contact with him? Do I have siblings? I want to find out what kind of person you are, and what kind of person my father is. I want to know the reasons why you gave me up for adoption. I NEED answers.
The reasons.
Because you were conceived as the result of rape.
Because I was one week past my 15th birthday when you were born.
Because the rape was so savage that I was hospitalized for a month, and that’s where my addiction to pain killers began. It’s a miracle you were even born, and were normal and healthy, as far as the hospital could determine. I was in and out of drug and alcohol rehab centers for about a decade, and eventually found my way to being clean and sober for good.
Because I wanted you to have a chance at the kind of life I couldn’t provide for you.
Siblings? No, you don’t have any siblings. The rape so shattered my life that I… Well, no, you don’t have any siblings.
Your father. Yes, I know where he is, and could provide you with contact information for the head of the parole board. I travel there every few years to testify once again about why I don’t believe he should get parole and be released. Special arrangements have been made so I can do that by closed circuit TV in another room—-I don’t have to see him in person, the man who raped me.
You don’t want to know what kind of person he is. You really don’t.
How did you even find me, and get my e-mail address? I thought the adoption records were sealed. I guess you found a way around that.
I could simply not reply, and hope you never contact me again. That would be the safest and best way for me to handle this. The safest way for me, anyway. But what about what’s best for you?
How can I meet you, and tell you all these things? Though the answers are true, your knowing them could be tough on you. I could lie, telling you that you were conceived as a result of consensual sex which was part of a loving relationship. I could tell you your father has died, or that I’m not in touch and have no idea how to find him. I could lie to protect you, not worrying about the reputation of my 14-year-old long ago self. That’s what a loving mother might do, right?
And finally, the question I’ve pondered deep in my heart all these years: Do you look like your father? How could I possibly risk meeting you in person if you do? Just getting this e-mail has reopened an old wound. I’m 34, which would make you 19. Being face-to-face with a young man who looks like him could be too much for me even now, almost 20 years later. Am I strong enough to take that risk?
Of course I know that who you look like is not your fault. None of this is your fault. You’re the innocent one in the whole mess. I’ve prayed for you, every day, hoping that your life has been a good one. I believe I made the right choice for you.
What kind of person am I? I never finished high school. I have a criminal record; most drug addicts do. I’m not proud of my life, but I’m proud of the way I’ve turned it around, and I know I’m heading in the right direction. That’s only due to my relationship with God, and He’s the only reason I’m still here.
I should tell you that. Do you know Him?
I want to find out what kind of person you are
Me, too. How I handle this will tell me what kind of person I am, in part.
She began to reach for the phone, thinking she’d call her mom, the one person who knew all the details, all the sorrows.
She reached for her Bible instead, to begin her search for her own answers there.
Accept Jesus as Your Savior Right Now and be Certain of Eternal Life.
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