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TITLE: Mom-Shame By Joanne Kraft 06/19/07 |
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Mom-Shame
This morning I was making school lunches for my children. I was already a bit out of sorts because after returning home from my morning walk I discovered that not one of my four children had eaten breakfast or were even close to being dressed for school. I didn’t know it at the time, but my day wasn’t going to get much better. Gracie my eight year old came in to the kitchen crying. After some prodding, Gracie reluctantly shared what had just taken place with her fifteen year old sister Meghan. While Meghan was sorting the dirty laundry (Meg's Thursday chore), Gracie had gone in to her big sister and asked her if she'd like some help. Meghan was already irritated about sorting the clothes but was finding some solace in listening to her clock radio that was sitting on the floor. She very unkindly told her sister Grace, “No”. Meghan then told Gracie, “And stop talking like a baby. Start talking like an eight year old”. Gracie shared with me while crying, “All I wanted to do was to help Meghan mom, so she wouldn't be late for school.” I was angry that my oldest child would treat her younger sister this way. So mama-bear went in to defend her hurt baby cub. I went in and told Meghan how upset I was that she would treat Gracie like that when all she had wanted to do was to help her. I shared with Meghan that as soon as Gracie had asked to help her that Meghan had been given a choice, to either be nice or to be mean. I told her I was disappointed that she had chosen “mean”. As I began to scold her, Meghan immediately got that glazed over-I am barely listening to you- eyes half open-I don't care what you’re saying look on her face. Those of you with teenagers at home know exactly what look I am talking about. Well, if I wasn’t mad before I was certainly steamed now. She truly didn't give a hoot about what I was trying to tell her and was just waiting for my lecture to end. It was then that I became Moses and struck the rock! I wanted so much for this daughter of mine to have some sympathy for her little sister, for her hurtful words, some feeling of sympathy...something... that I kicked Meghan's clock radio like I was trying to get those three winning points at the Super Bowl. Of course they don't make 'em like they used to and it broke instantly. Now I had Meg's full attention. The glazed over look was gone and the tears began to well up in her eyes. I told Meghan that it was obvious that the only way she would feel bad was if she was hurt herself. Now, stay with me ladies...I knew as soon as I struck the rock (the clock) that I had failed. Not wanting to look weak I stuck by my course of action and sent the children off to school. I would stand by my actions, I was right, I am the adult, I am the parent, I know what I am doing... then I had my time with the Lord.
I am in the Psalms and of course what was the verse today but, yep you guessed it...Psalm 127:3 "Children are a blessing from the Lord." This made me think...I hadn't treated my blessing from the Lord like a blessing from the Lord this morning. Then it was on to the Proverb of the day, Proverb 17:27 "He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man (mom) of understanding is of a calm spirit." Hmmm I wouldn't call punting a clock radio into oblivion having much of a calm spirit...ouch again. If that weren't enough I turned to Matthew where I had left off yesterday, chapter 11. I had underlined verse 18 at one time and it spoke loudly, "But wisdom is justified by her children." I had to look the meaning of this one up. It means that our wisdom is confirmed by our actions or “actions speak louder than words”. In my case neither my actions nor my words this morning showed much wisdom. I had even written in my Bible below this verse my own personal notes and thoughts at one time. They too screamed out at me from their page, “As a mom I will reap what I sow”. “Children are a living example of our job as parents”. “My job as a mom is to pour my heart and my whole life into my four beautiful children.” Ok, Ok Lord I get it. My wisdom was quite lacking in how I handled my morning with the girls. I am so ashamed.
The Lord made it quite clear to me that I could have made my point so much better by “sparing my words and having a calm spirit”. After some humbling prayer time with the Lord I decided that as soon as Meghan comes home from high school this afternoon I will apologize and ask her forgiveness for smashing her beloved clock radio like a Neanderthal cave-mom. I would make it clear that the point I was trying to make to her this morning was correct, my actions were not. During my prayer time I decided I was also going to present her with a gift. It came to me while on my knees. It would be the perfect gift for her. I will have it waiting on her bed when she gets home. A small token of my broken heart, of my poor behavior as a mom. I am going to give her something that I am simply amazed I bought yesterday at Costco. It is truly miraculous that I bought this item just yesterday. I haven't bought one since Ronald Reagan was President and the Go Go's were on the top 10 of the music charts. I was so excited to finally get one. I bought this item for my husband Paul and I since the one we have may possibly be the very same one used in the first scene of the 80’s movie “Back to the Future”. Paul thinks I should give Meg our old one and we should keep this new one. I don't want to do that, I want to give my 'blessing from the Lord' a blessing from the Lord. It is obvious to me now that what I thought I was buying for myself and Paul yesterday was really going to be my daughter’s the whole time. What is it you ask? A clock radio.
Ironic, coincidence, I should think not. Completely and entirely the Lord.
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