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TITLE: Will You Marry Me? By RJ Shipman 11/16/06 |
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I was dry to the point of not being interested in pursuing the Lord with my whole heart. I had been living on foreign soil for nearly 13 years. Compromises were taking over in my personal life—oh, not what most Christians would call sin-- but my time with the Lord was becoming solely based on my ‘ministry and what I would teach for my next lesson in the Bible school. On top of this, I was still actively preaching in several churches, directing several schools, teaching the Bible, counseling students, ministering deliverance, and all that goes along with a ‘Charismatic’ ministry which is supposed filled with the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.
God’s grace seemed to be covering my inability to sustain my personal anointing and intimacy with the Lord. On the outside, things at least still “looked good”. This is what people saw and pretty much judged me after…so I was determined a ‘success’ in ministry circles. The schools doubled in enrollment three years in a row in an Arab land! Later, I realized this was pretty much due to the prayer movement which had been growing among the national churches in the country. Praise God for the body!
What disturbed me greatly was the fact that although I was not trying to hide my growing desperation and fear, there were only one or two people who could see it. Believers seemed dull of discernment. Sometimes I would mentioned my fear of “growing cold” and the trouble I felt in my spiritual walk, and other believers, even full-time ministers, would blow it off as a form of false humility! They were looking only at the outward fruit. Maybe I wasn’t the only one ‘in trouble’.
Is this the great falling away of the saints that the Bible speaks about happening in the last days? [2 Thess 2:3]
Lord was still “effectively working in me both to WILL and to DO His good pleasure.” [Phil 2:13] I cried out to the Lord in great desperation, “Save me! I am falling away!” This process of working in me not only to ‘will to do’ but to actually ‘do’ His good pleasure took about two years. Praise God forever for His abundant mercy!
At the end of this two-year period of spiritual dryness and dullness in my life, there came what I would call a ‘fullness of time’ where both my “WILL” and my “DO” were becoming the number one priority in my life. I went for a day to visit to a desert retreat place and met an Orthodox priest who lived in the remote desert. I found myself blurting out to this man I didn’t know, “I am in trouble spiritually and no one can see it but me and God!” He only said one thing to me. It affected me so deeply I knew it was prompted by the Holy Spirit. He said, “If you take a month to pray and fast in the desert away from everything, it will absolutely change your life.” From that time, I made arrangements to do it. It saved my life, my spiritual journey, AND my ministry for the Lord.
Now if you are dry, you don’t have to go to a literal desert to be able to hear from the Lord, although Hosea 2:14 says, "That is why I'm going to win her back. I will lead her into the desert. I will speak tenderly to her.” [GW] The desert represents a place of seclusion from what drives you. But you say, "I could never do that because I have responsibilities…a family…a job…etc." Maybe you don’t have a month, but the Lord says that anyone who loves father, mother, sister brother…everything in our soul life…more than Me is not worthy of Me.
That is precisely the reason HE has to work in us both to will and to do! Just cry out to Him if you have fallen away though outwardly no one would ever know. Cry out to Him and express your fears of losing your hunger and desire for Him. Then He will begin to work in you to release desire once again.
He will grow you in salvation and in your desire for Him. We cannot bear fruit outwardly forever with a shrinking root system. After all, Jesus is not looking for “ministries”. He is looking for a Bride! That is why He left us the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is on a mission from the Father to find and prepare the Bride.
If you are being called by the Spirit of God into the place of seclusion, into the desert, then be encouraged! Respond! Jesus will speak tenderly to you in that place. The Son of God wants to ask you a question:
Will you marry Me?
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