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TITLE: Jewel By Lynn Pinder 11/15/06 |
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It started with a cold or what Lisa thought was a cold. After suffering for three weeks with a running nose and sore throat, she thought she was in the clear until her body was wrecked with chills and a fever. About a month later, the yeast infections began and then the skin rashes appeared soon afterwards. Lisa tried to deal with all the sickness as best as she could and contributed most of it to the stress of starting a new college. She tried desperately to leave her memories of Thornton College behind, finish out a year at a new university, complete her work-study, and get over Kevin. With so much on her mind, she hardly had time to reason why the rashes, the yeast infections, or the cold from hell continued to affect her. She just pressed on without complaint and dealt with each blow as they came, especially the pain of breaking up with Kevin.
Lisa and Kevin were an item since high school. When she decided to attend Thornton College, Kevin followed her there and although she did not survive her freshman year at Thornton College, she did survive Kevin Larkin - at least almost until the end. Everyone thought Lisa and Kevin were a match made in heaven. By the end of her first semester, Lisa felt the stress of being a thousand miles away from her Mom and Grandmother. The two of them were her foundation and strength. So after almost flunking out her freshman year, Lisa took her sophomore year off to clear her head. She transferred to Tubman University which was less than an hour train ride from her house.
When Kevin first learned of Lisa's decision, he was totally against it. He argued that he was all the support she needed and that they would work things out. Lisa reminded him that she had come close to failing her classes last year and that her leaving Thornton didn¡¦t mean that she was leaving him. She loved him, but need to be near her family. After a couple of weeks of pouting, he finally came around. That's what Lisa loved about him; he was always so predictable. She remembered the first time she told her Mom about him.
"What do you mean it just kind of happened?" her mother asked. "You trying to tell me you all just magically ended up in bed together?"
Lisa rolled her eyes and switched the receiver to her other ear.
"No, Ma. You know what I mean. We started out studying in my room. Then, we ordered some pizza. I showed him my CD collection. We started to groove, and next thing I know we are at it."
"Well, it sure sounded planned to me. That boy, sure knew what he was doing."
Lisa smiled and replied, "yeah, he sure did."
"Lisa Laray Langley, don't you get fresh with me. I thought I taught you better then this. Don't you know if you don't value yourself enough to hold out then the one you giving it up to will not see in value in you? Lord, what am I gonna do with this child? Did yall at least use a condom," snapped Lisette?
This was the first time silence had entered the conversation since the two of them started chatting two hours ago.
"Ahhhhhh, Lisa."
"I know Ma, but you act like I'm sleeping with the whole world. He was my first, and he is going to be my last. Plus, I'm on the pill. And you know Kevin is not the type to play the field."
"Look a hear, girl. I don't care what type he is, and he better not be sleeping with the whole world. As a matter of fact, I am not too keen on him sleeping with you, but that's another matter. And I expect you to use that pretty head that God gave you. Getting pregnant is the least of your worries. Pills won't protect you from a sexually transmitted disease."
"Mommy! Why do we always have to go through this. You make Kevin out to be a dog. He loves me and would not do anything to hurt me.¡"
"Baby girl, love ain't got nothing to do with it. Kevin is a man. Now, I'm not saying all men cheat, but what I am saying is that men will be men. When you been in this world long as me you realize that sometimes things don't happen the way you plan them and sometimes people hurt you even without trying."
Lisette Langley was nineteen years old when became pregnant. Everyone seemed to know what she should do and gave more orders than she could handle, but Lisette prayed for guidance and knew the little jewel in her stomach was a blessing from God. As Lisette matured over the years, she watched her daughter blossom. Things weren't easy for them, and they both learned a lot about struggle, but Lisette had her faith in God, and two wonderful parents who helped her to raise Lisa. It had been hard letting go, but in the end she had no choice.
Lisa had saved enough money to put a down payment on her first semester at Tubman University. Just as she was beginning to get into the swing of things, her body collapsed under what she thought was a severe case of the flu. She thought like before she could work her way through this, but this time the sickness hit her like a ton of bricks. She was vomiting and feverish for nearly a week. Finally, her new roommate broke down and phoned her mother. Lisette was able to encourage her daughter to visit the infirmary and made arrangements for her to visit the doctor during the holiday break. When Lisa stepped off the train at Penn Station , the sight of her Mom and Grandmother brought an instant smile to her face.
"Baby girl, you lost so much weight. You look like skin and bones,"¨ her mother stated with worry. Lisa looked into Lisette's eyes and paused a little uncomfortably. She turned towards her Grandmother, who was standing along side her Mom.
"Hey Grandma, that smile on your face tells me that at least you are happy to see me," Lisa said.
Lisa's Grandmother just stood there smiling. She was so proud of her grandbaby. She was the first one in the family to attend college.
Lisa Grandmother pulled Lisa towards her and said, "Baby, don't you pay her no mind. Come on over here and give me some love!"
The three of them started laughing and were a sight to see. Three generations embraced in a big bear hug. Lisa knew coming home would make her feel better.
It was almost six months after the train station reunion and Lisa's doctor appointment, when Lisette received the news.
"Dr. Nueles, are you sure? You all ran so many tests maybe you mixed one up by mistake"¨ Lisette paused slightly while the doctor continued to tell her Lisa's prognosis. "Oh God, not my baby." Lisette felt numb and almost dropped the receiver as she respondedin a whisper, "Dr. Nueles you have been Lisa¡¦s physician since before she was even born. I thank you for sharing this with me first, but Lisa is an adult and you need to tell her. No, I think you should do it. Yes, of course I¡¦m going to be there for her. I just want to give her some time to sort this out for herself and I need to some time so that I can be strong for both of us."
It took Lisa another six months to finally confide in her Mom that she had full blown AIDS. She first confided in her childhood friend, Tiesha, and she being the good friend she was accompanied Lisa to every AIDS seminar, support group, and education class they could find hoping to learn more about the disease. It was Tiesha who kept urging Lisa to tell her mother.
"I can't," cried Lisa, "She will be so disappointed in me. Everyone will be so disappointed in me." It seemed that Lisa had never stopped crying since that dreadful meeting with Dr. Nueles.
"Oh Lisa, come on, you know your Mom and Grandma will be there for you. Girl, this is serious. Your doctor has you on this crazy cocktail of drugs, you are going through a major case of depression, and in case you haven't noticed you are scaring me to death," Tiesha said.
"Why don¡¦t you just leave me alone?¡¨ shouted Lisa.
Tears swelled in Tiesha's eyes but her voice held steady. "You can say anything you like to me. I understand that you are hurt and angry at the world right now. But I am not leaving you alone and if you won't tell your mother then I will. Lisa, you have so many people who love you. You do not have to take this on alone!¡¨
Lisa looks away shaking her head. "What will they think? Everyone will talk about me. Everyone will whisper, you know she got the bug."
"Girl, who cares what they think and who cares what they say. If you recall, they did more than talk about Jesus Christ. The only person you owe an explanation to is God. Please pray about this Lisa. It is not too late to accept Jesus into your life and his love will see you through! Give me your hand, I think we should pray right now."
Tiesha grabbed Lisa's hand as tears streamed down both their faces.
"Dear God, I want to thank you so much for your love. I want to thank you for my friend Lisa. God you know her heart and her situation. Lord, she needs you right now. We need you right now. Lord, comfort her. Help her to see that there is light in all this darkness. Lord, build her faith. Strengthen her. Heal her body. Surround her with your grace and mercy, Lord. Send your angels to comfort her so that she knows that You are with her always. I ask these things in Jesus¡¦ name. Amen."
Lisa hugged Tiesha and asked her quietly, "Will you go with me when I tell my Mom?"
Tiesha replied, "Of course."
"Go ahead Mommy, scream at me. Tell me you told me so. Just go ahead," Lisa cried.
Her whole body shook violently as she stood before her mother. Lisette looked over at Tiesha who was also sobbing uncontrollably. The sight of the two of them crying together reminded her of when she used to whip their butts when they were little because they always seemed to be up to something. She walked over and pulled them both to her. After hugging them both, she managed to say, "Ain't no use in worrying over spilt milk, Lisa. What's done is done. You go ahead and cry. Let the tears flow. I'm right here by your side and when you are ready we will fight this together!"
Before the night was over, the three of them had cried a river of tears. They made a pact to each other and to God to trust and believe.
That night almost three years ago seemed like an eternity. As Lisette sat by her daughter¡¦s hospital bed, she began to wipe the tears that seemed to flow endlessly down her own face. These past couple of moths had been hell for her jewel. In addition to fighting five infections in her body, Lisa was battling an almost never heard of strain of cancer and pneumonia. She had lost so much weight that she barely had enough strength to stand. It had been touch and go for nearly a month and the doctors really didn¡¦t know what to tell her or Lisa.
"We are doing our best" is what the doctors kept saying to her with eyes that only half looked her way before glancing at some spot on their notepads. Lisette could never understand why people never looked directly into another person's eyes to announce bad news. All her life, Lisette had lived through bad news and watched people look over her, through her, but never at her and this is just what these doctors were doing. Lisette knew that Lisa's fate was in God's hands.
"Hey Mommy" Lisa said in almost a tired whisper.
Lisette walked into the room and was so thankful that Lisa could still smile.
"Baby girl, how you feeling this morning?"
"I'm fine. Tiesha stopped by today with Jasmine and little Sean, can you believe her and Big Sean will be celebrating their six year anniversary next month?¡¨
Lisette replied, "Girl you know babies don¡¦t stay babies for long.¡¨
She paused and took a really good look at her baby lying there so fragile and so small in the too big hospital bed. She tried hard to fight back the tears and turned her head abruptly to look out the window.
"I see you Mommy. Stop trying to hold back them tears. It's o.k. You can let it go, Mommy. Let it go. You have been trying so hard to be strong for me, and I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you. I want you to know you don't have to be strong for me anymore."
Lisette just couldn't hold it in any longer. When her shoulders sank and the sobs came out in long wails, Lisa took the role of the comforter.
"It's o.k. Mommy. I'm feeling so much better. Did you know I'm going home tomorrow morning?¡¨
Lisette looked up at Lisa and asked, "Did the doctors tell you that?"
Lisa just smiled and said, "Don¡¦t worry, Mom. Go Home! You've been here all week. Look at you. I'm sorry to say but you look a mess! Maybe you need to be in that bed next to me?"
All Lisette could do was smile at her daughter. Even in all her pain, Lisa was still trying to laugh and make her feel better. She couldn¡¦t have asked for a more beautiful daughter.
The next morning when Lisette awoke she decided to skip work and take a little surprise to Lisa. Lisa loved chocolate cake and Lisette woke up this morning determined to bake one for her. When Lisette arrived at the hospital, the head nurse came up to her almost in a panic.
"Ms. Langley, thank goodness you are here. We just tried phoning your job," the head nurse said as she walked up to Lisette.
"Well, I thought I would come pass early this morning and bring something special for Lisa" Lisette was saying as she was trying to balance the cake in her hands.
"Ms. Langley, we lost Lisa a few minutes ago. I am so sorry. I told the nurses to keep her in the room until we could locate you. Would you like for me to go inside with you?"
Lisette looked into the head nurse's eyes. They didn't avoid hers, but kept a steady, worried gaze. In an instant, both Lisette and the nurse were crying. Suddenly, Lisette dropped the cake and collapsed to the floor. "I don't understand," she sobbed. "It seemed like she was doing so much better and she even told me last night that she was going home today."
The head nurse responded, "Ms. Langley, AIDS is a very complicated disease. At this stage, it is really tricky. Sometimes just as patients seem to be getting better, we lose them. I can
t explain it. All I know is that God takes care all of His children, and your daughter was one of God's own. I'm so sorry for your lost. Is there anyone I can call?"
As if talking to the air, Lisette responded, "Call my Mother, she'll know what to do.¨
The next few months after the funeral zoomed by like a never-ending nightmare. Lisette woke one Spring morning to the chirping of birds and bright rays of sunshine. Lying in her bed, she almost go up and walked into Lisa's room to glimpse her daughter sleeping like an angel. Lisette had got into the habit of peeking in on her daughter every since Lisa was a baby. On this morning, she rolled out of bed and reached for her glasses on the night stand. Her hand brushed a little booklet. As she looked down, she saw the program from Lisa's home going ceremony. It jostled Lisette back into reality; she had lost her jewel.
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