TITLE: The Blood of Innocence (Chapter Two) By Suzanne Snosavenski 10/29/06 |
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND |
Chapter Two
Dianne had been knocking on the door for twenty minutes, and still there was no answer.
“Jessica, open the door! Jessica open this door…this minute...you’re scaring me! If you don’t open this door…I’m going to call the police and have them, break it down! Jessica...do you hear me?” Then she remembered the spare key Jessica had always left for Hank. She walked over to the rose bush and looked behind it. There was a decorated rock that said ‘my rose garden’ with a picture of a red rose on it. Underneath it, there was a black metal container with the house key in it. She squatted down, lifted the rock picking up the container and took the key out of it. Dianne then hurried to let herself in.
Jessica was always a spotless housekeeper. Her place was so neat, nothing out of place, or any dust could be found. You could probably eat off her floors; they were always so shiny and clean. But when Dianne entered the house she was taken aback. It looked as if somebody had thrown a wild party, or as if a prowler had ransacked it. The pictures that usually hang on the wall now lay broken all over the floor. Her throw pillows were all slashed and her beautiful antique lamp was strewn across the carpet in million pieces. Terror gripped Dianne by the throat. “Who could have done this? And where is Jessica?” she thought as she looked around the room in utter disbelief.
Dianne didn’t know if she should call the police first or continue looking for her friend. She decided to look for Jessica first. She took the stairs two at a time afraid of what she might find. She felt as if she just couldn’t get up those stairs fast enough. She had to hurry to find Jessica; she prayed that she was alright.
“Jessica…Are you there? Are you alright?” She didn’t want to yell in case there was a prowler still lurking about the house, yet she knew she had to keep looking for her friend. She ran down the hall calling her name, but there was no answer.
When she finally got to Jessica’s bedroom; the door was shut. She opened it slowly, her hands shaking and her heart pounding deep into her chest. As she took a step inside the room she gasped, with her hand over her mouth to hold back her screams. The bedroom looked worse than the downstairs did. There was glass all over, papers thrown around, and her wall paper torn off the wall. Then something caught her eye; this time she couldn’t hold back the screams. “Jessica!!!!!”
There, on the floor next to the bed on the floor, was Jessica – white as a ghost. Dianne ran and knelt beside her. She couldn’t tell if Jessica was still breathing. In an instant, holding back the terror than was raging through her shaking body, Dianne checked for a pulse, after what seemed like forever she finally detected a faint one; she literally leaped over the bed and grabbed the phone from the night table and dialed…
“911 what is your emergency?” The operator asked.
“I think my friend took a bottle of sleeping pills I can’t wake her. Her fiancé was killed on the job, and I don’t think she was able to handle it.
“What is your address?”
“It’s 840 N. Fairview Lane…please hurry! I don’t know how long it’s been since she took those pills!” Dianne was horrified as she looked down at her friend’s lifeless body, not knowing if she was going to make it or not.
Ma’am, your going to have to calm down they have already been dispatched. Now is your friend breathing?”
“I couldn’t tell, but she does have a faint pulse,” Dianne replied trying to regain some self-control.
“Okay, good…but since you can’t tell if she’s breathing or not, you’re going to have to breathe for her.”
“The ambulance is on its way?” Dianne didn’t remember the dispatch telling her, but she did know that every minute counted.
“Yes ma’am, I’ve already said that they have been dispatched.”
“Oh, sorry…”
“That’s alright, I know how concerned you are for your friend, but you have to try and stay calm…now, do you know CPR?”
“Somewhat…”
“Where is your friend right now?” The operator asked.
“She’s on the bedroom floor,” Dianne replied shaking from head to toe.
“Make sure she’s lying flat on her back, and then tilt her head back. Pinch her nose shut and breathe into her mouth. Then keep checking to see if she’s breathing on her own, and keep checking her pulse.”
“Alright…It’s ...its coming back to me…I remember what to do; Thank you.” Dianne was going to hang up, but the operator stopped her.
“Ma’am; don’t hang up; keep the line open until help arrives.”
“Dianne set the telephone receiver down beside her, and turned Jessica’s body onto her back then picked up the receiver again and started CPR, with the help from the operator giving her instruction on how to do it. She kept wishing that help would hurry up, it seemed like forever. She knew right now that her friend’s life was literally in her hands and God’s. She started praying while she continued to breathe life back into her.
“Lord, please don’t let her die; I haven’t been a good steward in trying to help lead her to you Lord and to save her soul. Please give her another chance to find you.”
She prayed that prayer over and over in her mind while she kept breathing for her friend. Then she finally heard the sound of a siren getting closer and closer to the house. It stopped in front of Jessica’s house, and Dianne let out a sigh of relief. She heard men’s voices as they rushed into the house. Dianne stopped long enough to call to them to let them know where they were. She could hear them running up the stairs with their big boots, it sounded like rolling thunder they were so loud. They finally made it to the bedroom, and they took over. One of the paramedics came in and asked Dianne if the police had been called.
“No, why should they, she just lost her fiancé and it depressed her so much.”
“But who did this to her house? Wasn’t she attacked?”
“Oh no, she did this herself, she just lost control, and then she tried taking her own life. She lost both her parents three years ago, and now her fiancé – she just couldn’t handle it.”
“Maybe so but I’m still going to have the police check it out to be sure.”
“That’s alright you go ahead, in fact maybe you are right. I’m only assuming that she did it, but maybe there is more to this than meets the eye,” Dianne told him.
As they placed Jessica’s lifeless body on the stretcher and into the ambulance, Dianne watched and she kept on watching until the ambulance was out of sight. She didn’t know how long she had been standing in the same stop – totally oblivious of her surroundings, when a police car pulled up. A tall blond hair young and not to bad looking police officer got out of the patrol car and walked up to Dianne.
“Hello! My name is officer McCallan; we had a call about a possible burglary and assault.”
“Officer I’m sorry but I tried telling the paramedics that, I honestly believe, my friend did this. She lost her parents 3 years ago in a plane-crash, and she just got a call to say that her fiancé, who she was to marry next month, was killed at a job site. I feel this was a way for her to unleash her anger, the hurt and all of her emotions. I just feel her mind couldn’t handle it.”
“You maybe right, but let me be the judge, I just need to look around and see for myself.”
“Suit yourself, go ahead I could be wrong, but I really don’t think so. I was talking with her earlier and she was drinking.”
“Okay, thank you Ms…”
“It’s Miss… Miss Spears, Dianne Spears.” She didn’t know why, but she started feeling herself blush.
“Thank you Miss Dianne Spears, for all the information,” he said as he found himself unable to keep his eyes off Dianne. Which made her blush that much more – she couldn’t keep her eyes off this good looking policeman either. There was some kind of chemistry going on between them; Dianne could sense it. She remembered how Jessica and Hank couldn’t keep their eyes off each other when they first met, and now they were doing it.
“Please wait right here, I’ll be only a minute.”
She nodded and watched the young officer walk through the living room, and then toward the dining room, looking at everything. Then he went upstairs, he was up there a little while longer, before she heard the stairs creak as he was heading down them. Her heart leaped to her throat when she spotted officer McCallan walking her direction.
“Well I think you’re right; this doesn’t look like a typical burglar’s MO, too sloppy, more like a tantrum, or someone hurting,” he said. He then, talked into his mike to let the dispatch know that everything was code four, and that he would be available for another call. But before he left, notepad in hand, he wrote Dianne’s name down, asked her for her social security number, her address and phone number.
While he was writing her phone number down, he surprised her by asking:
“Would you mind if I call you sometime?”
“Why ah yes, I would like that very much. But ah what is your first name, so when you call I’ll know?”
At that, he looked up with big blue eyes and smiled, “It’s Matthew like in the Bible, but you can call me Matt.”
“That’s a nice name Matthew, and that is one of my favorite books in the Bible.” Dianne told him as he put his note pad in his shirt pocket.
“So, you’re a Christian too… No wonder there is an attraction. The chemistry is there, can you feel it?”
Dianne started blushing again, and when Matt said that it made her heart start pounding so fast and so hard that she felt it would soon pound out of her chest. “Yes, I …am and yes there is something there. I… ah I felt something. But…”
Just then the dispatch interrupted them with a call for Matt.
“I’m sorry I got to go, I’ll call you if that’s alright.”
“Yes please do, it has been a pleasure meeting you.”
“Thank you, you too…” He then got into his patrol car and left Dianne standing there, staring at him as he drove off.
The doctors did all they could for Jessica, the rest was up to her. The attending physician told Dianne that the next twenty four hours would be critical; she could go either way. But he did tell her that it didn’t look good.
Dianne stood by the bed and looked down at her friend with tears in her eyes. Jessica looked very pale, but at least she was breathing, even though she had tubes down her nose. Dianne decided to stay at the hospital until she knew her friend was out of danger. She stayed by Jessica’s bed side, holding her hand and talking to her. She kept praying every minute of that day.
She knew this was going to be the longest 24 hours that Dianne would probably ever spend at the hospital – not knowing if her friend would pull through or not. Dianne was sitting in a chair next to Jessica’s bed sleeping with her head resting on the side of the bed.
It had been 18 hours since Dianne found her friend on the floor. Suddenly Dianne woke up in a jerk sensing some movements in the bed. As she lifted up her head, she stared... Jessica started to squirm and low moans came from her mouth. Tears of joy clouded Dianne’s eyes when she realized that her friend was going to make it. It took Jessica awhile before she was able to get her eyes open, but she finally succeeded. She than turned her head and saw Dianne.
She tried to speak but her throat was too dry and scratchy, so she gave up.
“Jessica, you’re going to be alright.” Dianne said tears streaming down her cheeks. She reached out and took her hand in both of hers and thanked the Lord silently..
.
Jessica then closed her eyes and went back to sleep. But this time it was a peaceful sleep, because she was breathing on her own, even though the tubes was still in her nose. Dianne smiled and leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes to a restful sleep herself.
Jessica finally woke up twelve hours later when she was out of danger; looking into the face of a doctor who was looking down at her.
“So, how are you feeling today?” Jessica tried to speak but having a difficult time because her throat was still parched; she tried clearing it to no avail. The doctor realizing that her mouth was dry gave her a cup of water with a straw.
“Here sip this…don’t drink too fast. Your throat will be sore for a few days.” After she finished, the doctor placed the cup back on the table. Then he gazed down at Jessica a serious look on his face.
“You know, you are a very lucky lady. If it wasn’t for your friend you wouldn’t be here. She’s the one who found you, and did CPR until help arrived. She never left your bedside until she knew you were out of danger. You should feel lucky to have a friend like that.”
Jessica finally spoke but her voice sounded very strange to her, very course and deep.
“W…w…h…at d…ay …is it?” She finally said.
“It’s Wednesday, Six thirty P.M. to be exact.” The doctor answered.
“I…I…I…wish...she…would have…let me…die!” Then she turned her head and closed her eyes. But not to sleep, she just wanted the doctor to leave so she could be left alone, and wallow in self pity.
The doctor looked down at her, with sincere sympathy as he could almost feel her pain and what she was going through. He had talked with Dianne; she had given him the background as to why Jessica did what she did. She had told him that she was not thinking clearly, although Jessica had always been a very level-headed person. “But here lies a beautiful young woman who is hurting so deeply; such a shame and such a waste when she has her whole life ahead of her. Dianne had also told him that Jessica cared for people and their needs were always passing before her own. Everyone at her job had nothing but good things to say about her. Yet, with this tragedy marring life it seemed to have crushed her spirit and her will to live. Jessica didn’t realize that there is so much to live for.
He knew however, with all his heart, because he was a strong Spirit filled Christian. And he knew that with God on your side it was possible to overcome all things, including how to deal with the death of love ones. As he looked down at Jessica he could feel an attraction for her; not just because of her looks, but there was something else he just couldn’t put a finger on. Something in his spirit was drawing him close to her; he wanted to know more about this girl. Yet, as he approached to talk to her, he tried to sound as professional as he could without sounding personal.
“Well, for one thing young lady you have so much to loose by killing yourself. Do you think that taking your life is really going to solve anything?”
“Well, it’s my life isn’t it?” Her voice came out stronger that time, it even surprised her. “If I choose not to live then it is my choice.”
“I don’t want to sound like I’m preaching to you, but it is not your life. We were created by our Lord, and he says in his commandments that thou shall not kill. That means even killing yourself is a sin. Then you would be doomed to hell for eternity.”
Don’t you know that we all have a purpose in life here? It’s to serve our Lord Jesus Christ. Like I said He’s the one that created us, to serve him. And to serve Him should be an honor for what He has done for us, by shedding His blood for us…”
“What?” Jessica couldn’t believe her ears. Why was this doctor talking to her like that? If she didn’t know better she would have thought she was in church rather than in a hospital room. Who did this doctor think he was anyway?
“What are you a preacher or a doctor?” She finally said to him with a very puzzled look on her face.
“As a matter of fact, I am the hospital Chaplain.” Before Jessica couldn’t answer the Chaplain continued.
“Do you realize just how selfish you were pulling that stunt?”
Jessica just lay there with her mouth opened, astonished at what she was hearing from this stranger. How dare he talk to her like that? She felt anger stir inside, but she tried to hold it back and keep her cool.
“You have a lot of friends out there that loves you and care what happens to you. Don’t you realize the lives you would have hurt if you had succeeded? Especially the one friend that stayed by your side for all those hours. The Lord didn’t create us just to destroy ourselves. He has plans for all of our lives, including yours. Even though you feel shattered by the loss of your fiancé the Lord feels your pain. When you weep, he weeps with you. Our God does not cause deaths, just to let you know, but for reasons we don’t understand he allows things to happen. Only our Lord knows the reason for which things are the way they are. So, just remember that even though you feel alone, you’re never alone. He is with you, he will never leave you!” He than reached for her hand and held it, to try and reassure her.
“But why? Why would He allow this to happen? I mean, first my parents, now my fiancé? If He’s such a loving and caring God, than why did he let my world fall apart right before my eyes? You say he has a reason for everything, so what was his reason to destroy my life by taking away my loved ones?” She couldn’t hold the tears back any longer; they started coursing down her cheeks.
“Like I said, God didn’t cause this; it wasn’t God that let it happen, it was the enemy, which is known as Satan; you may know him as the devil. He’s the one that causes illnesses, diseases, even death. Not our sweet Lord.” The Chaplain concluded firmly.
“Why couldn’t he have stopped him? I mean he could have, couldn’t he?” she asked with teary eyes.
“I guess he could have, but as I said we don’t know the reasons why God doesn’t stop things from happening. I mean, look at all the innocent babies being slaughtered through abortions. All I do know is that all of our questions will be answered once we are in the presence of our Lord in heaven.” Then, unexpectedly, as if recalled to attention the Chaplain looked at his watch and said; “Look I really don’t have time to continue our chat, I have other appointments, but I really would like to continue this chat at another time. Would you mind if I come back later to talk to you?”
Jessica wasn’t sure if she wanted to have him preach to her again, but she had so many questions that she hoped he would have answers for her. Also he wasn’t too bad to look at, nice soft blue eyes. Actually his appearance was the appositive of Hank’s. He was a little shorter, he had sandy blond hair and his smile seemed to be genuine and sincere, so she decided to give him another chance. “Okay on one condition…if you answer my questions without preaching to me about how wrong I was in what I tried to do. Is it a deal?”
He smiled at her, that genuine carrying smile of his, before answering; it was then that she felt glowing warmth alight inside her, which she didn’t understand. And there was something else… but she just couldn’t put her finger on it… It was as if he could mesmerize her… What was it about this man that intrigued her so?
“Yes, I’ll do my best, but until then you get some rest.” He turned got up from the chair next to her bed and started towards the door, but stopped to look at her. “Just remember Jesus loves you. And that isn’t preaching; that’s the truth.” He then walked out the door with Jessica looking after him. Something stirred in the pit of her stomach as she watched him, which felt like butterflies but yet it made her heart feel like it was fluttering. She figured it had to be from the pills mixed with alcohol, so she laid back and before long she fell asleep again.
The following morning the noise of the breakfast cart being wheeled down the hall woke Jessica up. She tried to sit up but had to lay down real quick, it felt like a hundred hammers going off in her head. It hurt so bad that it almost brought tears to her eyes. She closed her eyes tightly to block out the light that was now showing through her window. Just then she heard the cart being wheeled into her room, she could smell the aroma on the trays. Even though she was hungry her head made her stomach real queasy. If she was to try and eat right then with her head hurting that bad she knew she would be making a mad dash to the rest room.
The nurse walked up to her bed and cranked it up; she winced at each crank which made her head hurt worse. The nurse then looked at her and smiled, “How are we feeling this morning? Well enough to try and eat something?”
“Well I don’t know how you’re feeling, but I have a splitting headache. I couldn’t possible eat anything until I get rid of this headache. Could I get something for it?” She asked as she was massaging her head at the temples, and forehead.
“Let me see what I can do. Meanwhile, you try and eat some something. You need to get your strength up. You will be on a liquid diet for today, and then maybe tomorrow we’ll start you on solids.”
“I’ll try but right now I think if I try, it just might come back up.”
The nurse smiled and than turned and wheeled the cart out of the room and down the hall. Jessica could only stare at the food, or if you can call it food. There was broth, Jello, apple juice, and a cup of hot tea. She looked at the tray; the only thing that looked appealing and that might agree with her stomach was the apple juice. She didn’t like tea; normally coffee would sound good but not right now. She decided to wait until she took something for her head, and then drink the juice. Just then another nurse came in to take her blood pressure and temperature.
“I heard you have a headache this morning?” she said as she put the thermometer in Jessica’s mouth. All Jessica could do, was to nod her head.
“Well as soon as I’m finished here I’ll give you something for it. The doctor said there is a good chance you can go home in a couple of days.” She took the thermometer out of Jessica’s mouth, and handed her two pain pills and a cup of water.
After the nurse left the room, Jessica laid back on the bed and let her head sink into the pillow. She closed her eyes to try and block the light from the window. She didn’t realize until she was startled awake that she had dozed off. Jessica woke from her nap a gentleman, between 45 to 50 years with thick black rim glasses, looking down at her. Even though he wasn’t overweight she noticed that he had a double chin. His hair was thinning slightly on top with gray streaking through it.
“Hello Miss Benedict, I’m Doctor Farland, how are you feeling?”
“Well…I had a bad headache earlier but it’s a lot better now.”
“Good…other than your headache, everything looks good. I don’t see why you couldn’t go home in a couple of days; maybe as early as tomorrow. But first I want to see how you do on some solid food, hopefully better than you did with your breakfast,” he said looking at Jessica’s tray of untouched liquid food.
“I just wasn’t hungry with this headache it really made my stomach nauseous, plus I rarely eat breakfast.” She didn’t know why but she needed to explain her action.
“Well, if you want to go home tomorrow, then you’ll need to build up your strength. So you better start eating! Lunch should be here anytime now.” Then, his smile faded from his face and he put on a more serious look.
“Now for a little lecture, what you tried to do was very foolish and stupid. I know you’re hurting through the loss of your loved ones, but taking your own life is not the answer. Do you think your parents or fiancé would have wanted you to do that? Do you think your parents would be happy if you killed yourself just to be with them?”
Jessica didn’t answer, she just laid there very quiet wishing this doctor would leave her alone; she was getting tired of lectures. The doctor paused, but then continued, “I don’t think so. If they could speak to you right now, I honestly believe they would tell you to go on with your life. Make something good come out of this.” Just then they both turned to see the cart being wheeled into her room with her lunch. Jessica was relieved, because she really didn’t feel like continuing to listen to this doctor. It wasn’t any of his business anyway. Yet, deep down she knew he was right. Her parents always valued life very highly; and they would have been very disappointed in her. As much as she would hate to admit it, so would have Hank.
“Well young lady, I should let you get to your lunch. But I do hope you give some thought to what I was saying.”
“Yes…I will. “ Jessica couldn’t believe her ears. Did that really come out of her mouth? She was getting ready to tell him to mind his own business, when that answer just slipped out of her mouth.
“Good! Well I’ll check on you tomorrow morning and see if you’re ready to go home. Now eat – doctor’s orders!” His smile returned to his face as he walked out the door and down the hall.
Jessica ate all her lunch; she even ate all her dinner. She was hungrier than she thought. After she was done with dinner even though it was still early, she became very tired. So, she lay back on her pillow and fell sleep.
She was awakened by some familiar voices coming into her room. When she opened her eyes and got them to focus. She noticed Dianne and a couple of girls from the office standing at the foot of her bed. One of the girls had a basket of fruit in her hands, when Jessica got her eyes to focus a little more; she realized that it was Sally. Dianne had a vase with a dozen long stem red roses, and Veronica had a three foot long card in her hands. She never had seen a big card like that before. Dianne was the first to speak.
“How are you feeling? You sure look a lot better than you did the last time I saw you.” Dianne smiled gently at her friend.
“I’m fine, just a little tired. I can’t believe how much I’ve slept today.”
“Jessica, I talked with a doctor after I knew you were going to be alright. And he told me to expect that from you at least for the next 24 to 48 hours. It’s because of the sleeping pills; it’ll take awhile for them to get out of your system.”
Jessica looked past Dianne and spotted her other two friends Veronica and Sally. She smiled and said to both of them, “I really don’t deserve friends like all of you. Thank you. I’m sorry for putting you all through this.” She was choking with emotions.
They all went to her side and each one gave her a big hug. Then they talked about events that had happened at the job in the past, which made them laugh. No one mentioned Jessica’s suicide attempt anymore. They had a pleasant visit, until the nurse came in and told them that visiting hours were over. So, they all said their good-byes, hugged, and told Jessica they would see her later. In a moment they were gone, leaving Jessica to her thoughts.
She thought about what the doctor said and what the Chaplain had told her. Her mind was so mixed up and yet with so many questions and no one right now to give her any answers. She couldn’t wait to get out of there, and try and sort things out in her mind. All of a sudden she saw images of her trashing her house. “Did that really happen? Did I do that? Or was it a bad dream I’m remembering? I couldn’t have done that, could I have?” She couldn’t shake the images out of her head. But something deep inside her was saying that it was real, that it really did happen. She tried to sleep, but the images kept her awake tossing and turning. Now more than anything she was not looking forward to going home.
It seemed like she barely got to sleep when she heard the cart being wheeled down the hall and then into her room with the breakfast trays on it. Was it that time already? She couldn’t even remember falling asleep.
She tried to eat but her stomach was in knots, so she gave up. She tried to go back to sleep but it wouldn’t come. All she kept thinking was that she had her work cut out for her when she got home.
She must have dozed off momentarily again, because the movement of the cart (when the nurse came in to take it away) startled her awake. She was still only half-awake by the time the doctor gave her a clean bill of health; told her he was discharging her and that she could leave at eleven. After he left Jessica got up and took a shower, she got dressed and started packing her things to leave. She decided to have a nurse call for a taxi since she knew that Dianne was at work; in fact everyone was at work so there was no one that she could call to pick her up and take her home.
It was eleven ten when the nurse came in with a wheel chair for her. Even though Jessica could walk, it was hospital policy. The nurse went over her discharge instructions and asked her to sign the forms stating that she was being discharged. She then wheeled her on down and out the front double doors where a cab was waiting for her. On the way home all she could think about was that she had her work cut out for her. She didn’t even know where she would begin. But she knew it had to be done. She was a neat freak as her friends call her, and already knowing what to expect when she’d crossed the threshold of her house she surmised that she would probably be at it all day and all night.
The cab driver helped her with her things up to the door. Jessica reached into her bag and paid the driver for the ride, gave him a tip and thanked him.
She opened the door very slowly as if something on the other side would jump out at her. But when she opened it all the way she couldn’t believe her eyes. She stood for the longest time in the doorway before going taking another step. She had expected something… but she was not prepared for what she saw.
She just couldn’t believe her eyes. As she looked around she saw the pictures that had been lying on the floor in broken frames, now hung on the wall in brand new frames. The throw pillows that she had slashed were replaced with brand new ones. There was a beautiful cover, spread over the gashes on the couch. There was a new lamp to replace her antique lamp, which she had tossed in her rage. Even though the new lamp wasn’t an antique, it still looked nice. The place had been vacuumed swept, mopped and even dusted; it looked almost as if nothing had happened, almost like new.
“Dianne!” She thought; she’s the only person who would go out of her way for a friend. She’d do anything for anybody. Dianne had always been more like a sister to her than a friend. It had been five going on six years since the first time they met. And not once had she tried to preach to Jessica, she always let Jessica know what the Lord had done in her life, and that she would always be praying for her. Jessica did believe in God. She went to church every Sunday with her parents when she was a young child. But by the time she became a teenager her parents told her it was her choice, which they weren’t going to force her. They didn’t believe in forcing a child when they were old enough to choose. So, Jessica chose not to go, and she hadn’t been to church since, except for Holidays like Christmas and Easter.
Jessica decided to make herself a pot of coffee and went into the kitchen where she found a note taped on the refrigerator. She took it down and sat at the breakfast nook and started reading. It was from Dianne, it read:
Jessie,
The girls from work and I decided to surprise you by straightening up your place before you got home. It’s our way of showing you just how much you mean to us. We all love you and care about you. I know I’ve promised to never preach to you, but the Lord has been laying on my heart to stop playing around and start going to work for him, because life is too short, and His time is near. There are a lot of people out there that are running out of time, you included. Yes Jessie, time is too short, you found that out with Hank. He figured he had all kinds of time, but you never know when your time is up. And wouldn’t you want to be right with Jesus when your time is up? That way you would know that when your time is up you would be spending eternity with our Lord and Savior. Jesus loves you Jessie and nothing you do will ever change the way He feels for you. Even if you feel so alone and we’re not around, He is with you. He’ll always there for you or for anyone who lets Him.
He died for you, He died for all of us Jess, and He took our sins on the cross so we could have eternal life with Him. That is how much He loves us. If you would have succeeded in taking your life, you would have ended up spending eternity with Satan himself, burning and being tortured in hell. You would not be spending eternity with Hank in luxury. This, I believe and pray, is where he is, along with your parents. Because it is a sin to take anyone’s life including your own. It is called murder Jessie. Well, enough preaching, I have left a Bible on your night stand, it has some pages marked. It’s also the “New International Version” so you can understand it better. Please don’t just toss it aside, read it. Anytime you feel depressed or lonely pick it up and read it, it is God’s word. And God’s word is truth. You will find so much comfort and truth in reading it.
I love you and I’ll keep
On praying for you,
Dianne
Even after Jessica read the note she didn’t take it seriously, just like when the Chaplain started preaching to her, even the doctor, that she tried to ignore, kept preaching about her life. Why couldn’t anyone see it her way?
The aroma of the fresh brewing coffee filled the room now, she couldn’t wait until she could sit down to a decent cup; instead of that stuff at the hospital they call coffee.
After she had finished her first cup, she poured herself another cup and took it with her upstairs. When she opened the door to her bedroom she was stunned. Dianne and her friends had been very busy; they fixed up her room so nicely that she couldn’t tell that she had destroyed it. Instead of trying to fix the wall paper they just took it off and painted the walls. It seemed strange after all these years of seeing it, since this was her parent’s room, and her mother was the one that picked out the flower print. She loved roses, and when she had found a wall paper with all kinds of roses on it, in different colors she just had to have it. Now, to see the walls without the wall paper seemed strange. But she had to admit that without the paper it made her room look brighter and cheerful, which she felt maybe, was what she needed.
She decided to fill up the tub and take a hot bath. While the water was filling up she started to get undressed, when the Bible on the night stand caught her eye. She walked over to pick it up when suddenly her hand froze within a few inches from it. She changed her mind and went into the bathroom and took her bath. She always loved taking baths better than showers to help her unwind when she would come home from work. Hank had always told her that, for as many as she took and for as long as she stayed in them, it was a wonder there was anything left of her, except for a wrinkle up prune.
Yet, when she got in the water, it felt so warm and soothing she hated getting out of it. She lay back in the water and closed her eyes, her mind was a big blur; she just felt so lost. But deep down in her heart she knew she had to get on with her life.
It had been two weeks since Hank’s death, and funeral. Jessica had been trying to cope and go on with her life.
Along with Jessica’s vacation time, she had some personal time coming to her, so she decided to take a few weeks off to try and get her mind back on track. After she had her cup of coffee and shower, and since it was a beautiful day, she decided to take a walk to clear her head. She always went for long walks even before all this happened. While walking she started paying more attention to things around her than she had ever done, and she didn’t even know why. She listened to different birds chirping like they were singing to each other, it sounded kind of pretty and soothing. She then noticed some kids laughing and playing. She didn’t remember how long she had been walking; all she knew was that it was getting dark. So, she decided to head back home, but then she noticed that she had no idea where she was. Actually she was somewhere… but it wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods. She had been so busy walking that she lost her bearings, and now she didn’t know where she was. It was almost like her mind had gone blank, or as if she had had a black-out. She started getting a little nervous but decided that maybe she should stop someplace and get directions and find out where she was. She walked a little further down the street and spotted a small tavern. She had never gone into a tavern or night club alone before. Especially a tavern as run-down as this one seemed to be and in a not so nice neighborhood either. But something came over her. She walked to the establishment and bravely stepped in.
When she walked in she could hardly see it was so dark and smoky. But once her eyes got adjusted to the darkness, she noticed that there were only two other women, besides her, and they were pretty rough looking… There were about fifteen men; most of them dirty and scraggly looking, with long hair and beards. Four of the men were standing around the pool table to her right. They stopped playing long enough to watch her as she walked across the room to sit at the bar. How much she wished she would have turned from the doorway and gone home right then. But she felt it was too late now, and decided to have just one drink and leave.
“What can I get you?” The bartender asked as Jessica sat on one of the stools. She decided to have a drink and then ask for directions.
“Vodka and tonic please, but easy on the vodka.” When the bartender sat her drink in front of her, she wanted to pay, but he refused.
“It’s already been taken care of, by that gentleman at the end of the bar.”
“Would you please thank him for me?” She replied, as she looked to see who bought her the drink. She noticed a very attractive man, and he was neatly dressed and clean cut. He really looked out of placed in there. She lifted up her glass and said ‘Thank you’ with a smile. Before she knew it, he stood up and started walking over to her. She didn’t even have time to ask the bartender for directions, she didn’t know what to do. She could at least be friendly towards him; after all he did buy her a drink.
“Hi, I’m Pete Johnson, may I join you?” Before she could answer he was already sitting next to her.
“Yeah, I guess.” She said shyly, although she really wanted to say that she would rather be left alone. She just wasn’t in the mood for company, it had been two weeks since Hank’s death and the furthest from her mind was to have another man in her life. She just wasn’t interested in any man right now, only to get her life back on track.
“So…what’s your name? Do you live around here?” Pete said trying to get a conversation going. But it only turned into small talk.
“My name is Julie.” Jessica didn’t know why she lied but she didn’t want this man to know her real name. She didn’t know him, and she really didn’t want to. “And no I don’t live around here.” There was another silence between them. She had polished off her drink so fast that she felt a little buzz from it. She could tell that it had more vodka than she had hoped for, but she decided to go ahead and ordered another one, this time she could care less how strong it was.
“Hey, you should try and enjoy the drink, not inhale it.” He said as he paid for her second drink.
“Who are you, my keeper? Don’t tell me how I should or shouldn’t drink a drink!” She snapped at him, then turned and downed another drink. It felt the same way going down her throat as the first one did, so she knew that the bartender did not go easy on the vodka, but by now she didn’t care.
“Hey I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. Can we call a truce and start all over? Hi, my name is Pete Johnson what’s yours?” he said as he extended his hand toward hers.
Jessica was definitely feeling no pain after the second drink; turned to Pete and smiled. But when she saw the pleading look in his face she couldn’t help but grin, “Alright you win, we’ll call it truce.”
They drank and talked for the rest of the night. Jessica was still putting the drinks away pretty fast. She found herself giggling over silly things, and talking up a storm, but yet about nothing. By the time the bar closed Jessica couldn’t even stand on her own two feet. Pete had to help her walk, which made her laugh that much more. She couldn’t even talk straight, in fact she had never been drunk once in her life and didn’t know how to handle liquor. When they got outside the night air hit her and the world started spinning under her feet. She couldn’t control her body any longer, when all around her suddenly went black.
Tom walked through the door looking at his mail; he threw the mail on the coffee table and headed toward the couch. As he leaned back he closed his eyes thinking of everything that he had done at the hospital. He was glad to be home but his mind kept going back to Jessica, with those sad eyes, and the yearning in his stomach for her. Was it that the Lord wanted him to minister to her more than to his other patients? He just didn’t know. Tom had been with the hospital for eight years now, and he had been a Pastor for approximately ten years. He really loved doing work for the Lord, but sometimes it really drained him, not so much in the physical sense but his spirit was laden with the burden he carried from the patients. Yet Tom saw it also as rewarding – after all, Jesus carried sins and burdens much heavier all the way to the cross.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Jessica though, too young and pretty to want to take her own life. His heart really went out to her; he knew exactly what she was going through. He glanced across the room and looked at the picture on the mantel above the fireplace. It had been twelve years since his wife and daughter died, he could still hear their screams that haunted his dreams.
His wife Becky had been a small petite woman with shoulder length auburn hair, and hazel eyes. She had been a natural red head, but she had been far from being a fiery tempered red head. She had been the complete opposite. In fact she had been so mellow and soft spoken that Tom had hardly ever heard her raised her voice to anyone. His daughter who was three had been a carbon copy of her mother.
Tom laid back, closed his eyes and let his mind wonder back to that tragic day in October. He could still remember that day as if it were yesterday. It was a very cold morning; the temperature was in the high 20’s in the mornings and upper 40’s in the afternoon. They had been planning this vacation up to the mountains for quite some time. They rented a log cabin for a couple of weeks, for which they had been saving for the past few months. They stopped off at the grocery store to pick up some last minute items. Tom had told his wife that he’d only be gone for a minute and left the car running so it would stay warm for them. The car was an old clunker that had nickel-and-dimed them to keep it running. But except for this vacation they had been pinching pennies to pay for his schooling to get his law degree. So, they had decided after scraping and scrimping that they needed a vacation to unwind. The car had a dent on the passenger side so the door couldn’t open; you had to slide over to the driver side to get out. One day while parked in front of their house, a truck was speeding trying to get away from the police and side swiped it. At that time they let their insurance lapsed and it cost them, because they couldn’t get it fixed, so now they couldn’t open the driver’s side of the door.
On that day Tom had asked his wife to slide over to the driver’s side, just in case; if it would kick out of gear for some reason, she would be already on the driver’s side to put her foot on the break. But while he was in the store the wiring to the heater shorted out and started smoking. They had had problems before with the heater, and they thought that they had it fixed temporarily. Becky didn’t notice it until she spotted some flames coming out from under the dash board. The flames spread so quickly that she started panicking, trying to open the door to the driver’s side, which she wasn’t thinking and forgot didn’t open. After a couple of minutes she tried to slide over to the passenger side and open the other door. But she had a hard time climbing over and then she forgot that it was locked. The car sputtered and died, which made it hard to unlock the passenger side, for some reason it wouldn’t unlock when the engine quit. She started screaming as the flames started burning her legs. She heard her daughter scream from the back seat, but she knew the flames hadn’t reached her yet. So she tried to unbuckle the seat belt but it was jammed. She kept fumbling frantically with the seat belt, but she just couldn’t get it unfastened. She wanted desperately to get to the back seat and save her child. So, when she couldn’t get the seat belt unlocked and in utter desperation, she started honking the horn in hopes that someone would help them to get out. She was panic stricken when she looked around and saw no one in sight, then she noticed the door to the store open and out walked her husband with his arms full of groceries. She didn’t let off the horn; she kept honking until she saw that her husband heard her.
As he was walking to the car Tom heard the noise but didn’t understand at first, yet when he noticed the smoke coming out of the car and the screams from his wife and daughter, he dropped the grocery bag and ran to the car. He noticed the flames surrounding his wife, he tried for the door handle on the passenger side, but it was locked; he tried breaking the glass but didn’t have any success. He started yelling for help and looking for something that would enable him to break the window. As he looked to see if anyone was around, the screams got more intense. Suddenly someone came up from behind him with a crow-bar and started hitting at the window. It finally broke and they were able to open the door. The man then picked up the fire extinguisher lying on the ground, and aimed it at the fire. He put the fire out, and he and Tom were at last able to pull his wife and child out of the car. They were both very badly burned. His wife went into convulsions, and his daughter was screaming in pain. The store clerk ran out with cool wet towels to put on the child and Tom’s wife, to try and ease some of the pain. Tears slid down Tom’s face as he stared at his lovely wife, burned beyond recognition, and his once beautiful little girl Catherine.
Time seemed to be suspended before the ambulance and fire truck arrived at the scene; the paramedics worked on his wife and daughter and then transported them to the hospital. They also made sure that the fire was totally out of the car. Tom’s wife didn’t make it she died on the way to the hospital, but Tom’s daughter stayed in a coma for 6 days, before she passed away. It was the longest 6 days Tom ever spent. She might have pulled through, but even though she was in a coma, she developed pneumonia, they tried everything but her little body just gave up.
Tom took their deaths very hard. He started drinking very heavily, and his job as a loan officer at the bank was being jeopardized. He just couldn’t face life without his family, so he thought about taking his own life.
He got drunk one night and got into his car and headed out on a deserted road where he put his foot heavily on the gas peddle. The car picked up speed; you could hear the wheels squeal around the curbs. It had been eight months since that horrible accident, and he was still having a hard time dealing with it. All he could think about was joining them. His beautiful wife Becky, how he remembered when she gave her life over to the Lord. She used to pray for him daily, and pleaded with him to go to church with her and their daughter Catherine. But he never did, he used to say you didn’t have to go to church to believe in God. Tom did believe in God, he used to go to church when he was very young with his parents. But that seemed like ages ago. Now he wished his wife and daughter were still there so he could go with them to Church, but it was too late. He could never go back. He had relived that day in his mind over and over again, until he thought he couldn’t take it any longer.
It was so dark in the back roads, there was no street lights or a glimmer of life. He couldn’t see anything except by the head lights from his car. That is one reason why he didn’t really see the animal on the road crossing until it was almost too late. He swerved, which caused him to loose control of his vehicle. It swerved back and fourth while he fought with the wheel, until finally the car rolled over several times before it landed up side down.
It took Tom a few minutes to regain his composure before climbing out of the car. His head was bleeding, and his body ached. After he pulled himself out of the car, he stumbled around before he passed out cold. When he regained consciousness he thought he was seeing things, but as he looked up he saw a very bright light coming down from the heavens. He didn’t know if he was dead or alive or just dreaming. Then he heard a voice come out of the bright light, it was so powerful but yet gentle, and then again it sounded like thunder. The voice said to Tom as clear as if he was talking to a person standing next to him. It said:
“My son, I come to you to let you know that your time is not yet. I have great plans for you. You have much work to do in my name, and you will bring many people to me. I feel your sorrow and pain my son, but your wife and daughter are with me rejoicing for they are home with me and waiting for your home coming when I call you home. Rejoice also for your God is a loving God, let what happened to your family strengthen you and not bring you down. Rebuke the enemy as he is the one, who has stolen from you, but rejoice and live in me, as I in you. I will give back to you ten folds, for you will have great rewards on earth and in heaven. Your treasures are coming soon. I am with you now and forever my son.”
The vision then faded, he blacked out to wake up in the hospital. Was it a dream or did it really happen? He wondered. But something in his mind told him that God had appeared to him and had spoken to him, that it had not been a dream. It had been real, and he knew now what he had to do when he got out of the hospital.
That was the turning point in his life. It didn’t happen overnight but he did stop drinking after that. As he was thinking back to those days he couldn’t help but smile. “The Lord is so wonderful; he has a plan for everything. I wouldn’t listen while my wife was alive, so he allowed my family to be taken away to bring me to my senses,” he said aloud. It was about a year after his vision and shortly after that he gave his life to the Lord that he quit his job at the bank, and dedicated his life to God, he went to Bible College and was ordained. He then went out to reach people, and found the job at the hospital where he felt God’s calling.
He turned and looked back at the picture. “My darling Becky and my precious Catherine, I know you two are in a far better place than I am. You two are at home with our heavenly father, and some day I will be there also. I’m really looking forward to it. But until then I have my work cut out for me here.”
“There are people out there that have lost loved ones, and they can’t deal with it, especially the ones who do not know our Heavenly Father. I met one girl a couple of weeks ago at the hospital who tried to take her life because she lost her fiancé and she doesn’t know the Lord. I know the Lord has laid it on my heart to help her. The lost look in her eyes, that I know used to have a sparkle to them; they just look so empty, but I feel the Lord is directing me to her to help her find Jesus. All I know is that when I was talking to her, and I looked down at her lying in that hospital bed, it seemed my spirit moved within. So I feel that the Lord definitely wants me to concentrate mainly on her. I will be praying a lot that the Lord will show me how to minister to her, but I do know the key words are love and prayers. And I know she will be saved. I believe that by the power of our Lords blood.”
“I do miss you two so much, that sometimes I ache from the pain of your absence. How much I still love you… I will never loose the love I had, and still have for both you and Catherine.”
Tears started down his cheeks…the way he had cried so many times before that evening for his family.
He decided right then and there to call the hospital and get the telephone number and name of the girl at the hospital. Why would he be thinking about Jessica now? He hadn’t thought about her until tonight.
He wiped the tears away so that he could make the call. After he hung up the phone from the hospital, he decided to call Jessica to see how she was doing. But all he got was the answering machine. He left a message in hopes she would return his call.
“Hello, Miss Benedict, this is Reverend Tom Wagner, I’m the Chaplain at the hospital who talked to you the other day. Please give me a call, my home number is 835-2499 or you can reach me at my office at 967-7476. Please it’s very important that you call me. Thank you.”
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.