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TITLE: Fragile Packages By Jennifer Carlson 09/03/06 |
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The nurse turned to Rachel and handed the baby girl to her, which Rachel took motionless.
“Do you have a name for this beautiful baby girl?” asked the nurse with a pen waiting to write into the chart.
“Heaven,” Rachel blurted out, which surprised her since she wasn’t planning on naming the baby at all. “Her name is Heaven Adele Christianson.”
The nurse wrote the name on the chart, smiled at Rachel and then continued on with her questions.
“Are you single or married?” Again the nurse waited with her pen to click off the many questions that she had to go through with each of her patients.
“Single.” Rachel whispered.
“Any other children, or pregnancies?”
“This is my second child.” Rachel wanted the nurse to just leave and take the baby with her. She hadn’t planned on letting it get this far, so before the nurse could ask another question Rachel took a deep breath but it didn’t help. She started to cry anyway. Her tears falling onto the little girl, Heaven, that she held in her arms. Heaven didn’t seem to mind and continued to sleep in Rachel’s arms. “I want to place my child with another family. I would like to place her up for adoption.”
There it was out. Rachel began to sob then. The nurse took Heaven from Rachel without her noticing and placed the baby in the hospital cradle.
“Have you been working with a social worker during your pregnancy at all?” The nurse placed her arm around Rachel and tried to comfort her.
“No.” Was all Rachel could say.
“I’m going to take the baby to the nursery and give you some time alone. I’ll be back in a bit.” The nurse then squeezed Rachel’s arm. Rachel nodded and the nurse rolled Heaven’s cradle out of the room.
Alone Rachel leaned her head back on the hospital pillow and began to sob. Why had she let it get this far? Rachel thought about Isaac at home and didn’t know what she was going to tell him. Why hadn’t she stop to think about all this? Rachel felt angry, angry at herself for not being the adult that she was and thinking things through. Her father was going to be confused and hurt, but this really was the best thing to do. Things just were not they way they were suppose to be for her, so how could she make them right with another baby to take care of. She had to handle Issac, who was now 2 years old and herself. That was enough. “God, am I being selfish?” Rachel could hardly believe it was her own voice that echoed in the cold sterile room. “I want to do the right thing, not only for Heaven but for Isaac as well.” Rachel then curled up on her side and closed her eyes. “Please God, please help me make the right decision.”
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“Hey.” Julia clutched the phone to her ear and twirled the phone cord around her finger. “Guess what?”
“Hey… I don’t know what’s up?” Greg listened half heartedly as he cradled the phone with his shoulder up to his face. He had so much to take care of at work and just wasn’t in the mood for guessing games. Greg almost instantly felt guilty stopped what he was doing, and leaned back in his office chair. “Don’t tell me you need me to stop and get some food on the way home?”
“Well… that would work, but no, we’re getting another one.” Julia’s voice showed her enthusiasm. “A girl, tomorrow, her name is Heaven. Can you believe that?”
“Huh!? But Luke just left like two days ago! Wow, that was fast. They must be really busy.” Greg placed his head in his hands. He was having a hard time letting Luke go, and now here was a new little girl to start all over with again. This was harder then he thought, he actually liked these little ones. “So, when tomorrow?”
“Susan, the social worker said she would call me in the morning to let me know when the discharge is. Heaven was born earlier today, so she thinks with the medical assistance that she will be released early morning tomorrow. We’ll learn more tomorrow, but things look good.” Julia placed kitty food in the dish underneath her feet and watched as Moses the cat came running from his hiding spot.
“So, no special needs or medical concerns?” Greg sighed. He hated seeing little babies in so much need of not only love, but medical attention.
“Doesn’t seem that way, but we’ll learn more when we see her. Always do!”
Julia hung up the phone and busied herself in getting ready for the new little one. A girl! They hadn’t had a girl for awhile now. The kids were going to be excited, and Julia was pretty sure that she heard excitement along with sadness in Greg’s voice. Julia Erickson loved taking care of babies. She had four of her own, so five just didn’t make much of a difference in the house. The babies usually stayed in a bassinet in her and Greg’s bedroom so that Julia would be able to get up with them before they woke the whole house.
The house was an ordinary split entry home, with four bedrooms upstairs and a fifth one downstairs. It looked like the rest of the neighbor’s houses in the neighbor that lined their streets in their suburban town of White Bear Lake, Minnesota. It was nestled in behind huge old oak and maple trees, which was what both Julia and Greg liked about their neighborhood the best. Julia was so happy the day they came across the house with their realtor. They had already had two children at the time, Lindsey who was three years old and Jake who was only a few months old. With the bedrooms and extra room to roam, seemed so big, at least compared to their two bedroom apartment in Shoreview. What a change two more children and their foster babies would make!
Lindsey their oldest, now 10 years old and in fourth grade, was your regular 10 year old girl. She loved being the oldest and also playing mom to all her brothers and sisters. Lately Lindsey had been changing, watching what other girl’s wear to school, church or even just in the neighborhood playing. Her bedroom which was just recently moved to the downstairs’ room was decorated in posters of various band groups or things from her church clubs. Lindsey loved being independent, which she always was even from day one. Her being separated from her sister really seemed to make her shine even more then she already does. She resembled Julia quite a bit, but she had Greg’s blue eyes and light brown hair.
Jake, their 7 year old was in second grade this year, and was doing pretty well. He like Lindsey loved being the oldest, but in his case he would remind everyone, would be oldest boy! His big brown eyes and brown curly locks which Julia passed onto him give him trouble all the time with the girl’s, even at the young age of 7. Julia and Greg constantly tell one another or are told from others that they have their handful with him. Jake loves all things to do with dinosaurs and anything “icky” is what Julia would call it. She constantly has to check his room for odd things that could be lying around. One late autumn she caught Jake throwing away something, and when she confronted him he confessed that he really liked fishing the day before with the minnows. So he placed one of the minnows in his dresser drawer for safe keeping, except the smell finally got to him. Julia spent hours scrubbing and spraying to get rid of the smell.
Zachary, the youngest son at 5 years of age, was a little gentleman. He loves being in the middle of conversations, and being with his Momma. His blond hair and hazel eyes with long dark lashes just seem to make other women melt. His smile so sweet as he tells a funny story or about something that he is proud of. His favorite things are going to school, only if it’s half a day in the afternoon, Sunday School and babies. Zachary always is helping when he can with the foster babies, and he’s the one that has to be talked through the process a few times when the babies leave.
Then comes the youngest of Julia and Greg’s and that is Annie. Annie came as a surprise to Julia, Greg and the rest of the family. Although Julia and Greg had always said that they would have a large family of four, it just didn’t seem that God had the plan for them. So for three years they tried, until finally along came Annie. She was born premature and had a rough year with RSV virus, constant doctor appointments and treatments. Little Annie is now one and a half years old and doing well. Her auburn curly hair is what made Jake think of the name Annie. It seemed to fit her and everyone else agreed. Annie also loves having babies in the house copying Julia with playing with her baby dolls.
After checking on little Annie, Julia went to her bedroom. Placing a cradle sheet on the mattress in the cradle, along with a light blanket, Julia then sat on the corner of her bed and sorted through a diaper bag for the new little one. She then placed that under the cradle until tomorrow. “There, I’m set.”
Julia then knelt down on her side of the bed and clasped her hands in prayer. “Dear God, please watch over the new little baby girl that has been born into our care. Please also watch over her mother and our family during this time. Help us find the right words to help the mother, and the strength to help her through this difficult decision. Please help my family in the arrival of a newborn and let them remember the constant demand of a baby, but yet the joys of loving a new one. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”
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The morning was a typical morning, just like the rest of the afternoon and the evening. Everything seemed to blend together for Claire Jula. Like a little child’s finger painting across a blank sheet of paper. The colors green, red, yellow, blue, bleeding together to create a masterpiece. The only problem was that Claire didn’t feel like she had a masterpiece. Things have been going along nicely for Claire and her husband, Joe. She didn’t have anything to complain about except that maybe it would be nice to have a child of their own and settle down to start a family. It was something that both her and Joe agreed upon, but it was a silent agreement. Neither of them really had talked about it, about their wishes and dreams of children. Claire couldn’t even remember if they ever talked about it and if Joe wanted to have 10, 2 or even any at all. Maybe that was what was bothering her, she didn’t know.
Claire placed the book that she was reading down next to her on the couch. Her mind had started to wander from the words. She decided that she wasn’t even reading it at all. All of a sudden Claire really wanted to talk to Joe. Not just talk, but really have a deep conversation with him. Her and Joe will be married 5 years come December and Claire couldn’t remember when their last deep conversation was. Joe was away on a hunting trip with his brother and a few friends, so Claire felt lonely. Was it her biological clock ticking that was all of a sudden making her think this way. She was only 28 years old, but many of their friends and family were having children, a few of them due just next year. Maybe it was just that.
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“Can I see my baby?” Rachel asked the speaker behind her head after she buzzed the nurse.
“Yes, I will send someone there in a minute.” A voice blared back at Rachel.
“Should we just go to the nursery and get her?” Rachel’s dad, Ron asked. He sat across from Rachel in her hospital room, and seeing him there made Rachel feel not only better but also safe. Rachel could see that her father felt sorry for her, and it made it even harder to tell him that she was letting Heaven go. Isaac being so young would easily understand that the baby is just gone, but telling her dad was the hardest thing.
“No Dad, they’ll bring her here. They’ve brought her in a few times already to eat.” Rachel knew she was lying to her Dad, but she thought this would comfort him.
“Oh, okay.” Her Dad sat back in his chair then and seemed to relax a little. “So, Isaac was upset that he couldn’t come. He cried a lot, he misses you, but really I don’t think he fully understands which makes it worse.”
“I know. How can a two year old understand that his Momma is at the hospital, but is okay. I’ll be out tomorrow morning. He’ll be better then.” Rachel felt bad for leaving Isaac with her Dad. This was the last of it though. She won’t have to do so many doctor appointments and so things will be easier for them.
“Tomorrow morning? But that isn’t a lot of time in the hospital, shouldn’t you stay longer?” Her Dad sat on the edge of his chair again. His long black hair which was highlighted with streaks of gray was tied back in a ponytail. He had on the sweatshirt that Isaac had gotten him for his birthday last month. Isaac had helped pick out the sweatshirt and said, “Eagle” when he saw it. That of course impressed his Papa.
“Don’t worry Dad, it’s not like this is my first child, and there wasn’t any complications. With medical assistance we have to be out in 24 hours.”
There was a knock on the door and a nurse wheeled Heaven into the room in the little hospital cradle. She was quiet, which Rachel was very thankful for. Ron took a look into his granddaughter’s cradle. At first he peeked at her with his hands behind his back, not sure wheather to ask for permission from the nurse or his daughter. Rachel noticed this, picked up the sleeping little girl and placed her in Ron’s arms.
“She looks a lot like you when you were a baby.” Ron sat back in the chair he had been sitting in.
Rachel watched her father with Heaven. Her heart ached with the affection he had towards his grandchildren. But Rachel had to tell her dad.
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