Bible Studies

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The last seven lessons, 31 through 37 described a kind of vision quest. We have been instructed on how to act and think and feel, to give praise always and seek the truth about the world and especially about ourselves. The path took a believer with enough energy up the mountain just like Moses, and God was waiting there with wisdom. But that was yesterday, and now, it's another day and all that glory has taken an appearance like everything else, just a memory.

It's a rainy gray day here, but at least it's warm. Yesterday's glory I would hang onto if I could, but today has new lessons and new difficulties. I can look at my notes and retrace the steps and it all makes sense but the path gets longer every day and we must travel light when we get to the steep places ahead. We develop better habits of giving praise and not wasting energy but that doesn’t earn us a rest, it brings even harder lessons.

There is much to learn and these next few lessons are very hard. We need more than good instructions, we need to get good at what we do and that means practice over weeks and years and we will not always get it right. I am sorry it is hard, but I know that the trust that has gotten us this far will simply have to do; it is too late to turn back now.






38. My Body is Weak

Lord, don’t be angry with me, and please don’t let any more grief come my way. Your arrows have struck deep and I feel the weight of your hand. My body is sick and tired from your displeasure but I can get no rest when separated from your touch. There is no good thing in me and I’m in over my head, my shortcomings are a heavy burden. I have wounded myself often and deep for no good reason. I don’t think I can make it back up to walk the path and I am afraid I will be lost forever.

My desires betray me and I cannot trust even my own body. I am weak and broken; my heart cries out in despair. Lord, You know all my needs and my groaning is not hidden from You. My heart is giving out and my strength is failing, even the light in my eyes is failing. My friends and lovers have deserted me, my family is ashamed to look and has turned its back.

My enemies tell lies and lay snares for me. They spend their days dreaming up trouble to my hurt. For my part, I have been deaf and dumb to them. I do not wish to hear them or even to speak against them. All my hope is in You, O Lord, and I know You will hear me. I have asked You to listen.

They rejoice and grow bold when I slip. I am already tired and injured, and my sorrow is all I can feel. I know I am weak and I am sorry I do not perform better. My enemies are strong and energetic and their numbers are growing. They give evil in return for good done to them and are set against me because I am dedicated to doing only good.

Do not forsake me, O my Lord God, please be not far from me. Hurry to help in time of need, Lord, for You are my salvation.






We see a bright light ahead and know that our home is within reach on a good day, and then another day brings betrayal and doubt. We wound ourselves often and deep for no good reason. What is worse, our new found understanding of the grace and promise of God serves to show us how far away we actually are from Him. We wonder if maybe we’d be better off without ever having started.

We might have been blissfully ignorant and the slide toward destruction would have been exciting, but the end of that road is final. It is too late to turn back, we know too well our weakness and inability to win against our enemies without help but we can’t unlearn what we know. We are tired and injured and the choice to give up and let go of hope brings us to another test of faith. We are being pushed past old limits because God loves us and that is the way of growth.

Despite all our efforts, we don’t change very much just because we know the truth. We feel the despair of not doing very much good in the face of so much trouble and so we cling to the seed of hope that is buried deep. Whether it is faith bourne of a lifetime of effort or five minutes out of the baptismal pool doesn’t matter: we ask for help and continue to look for it. We are blessed beyond description but it is too easy to forget the gains and feel only the losses. We are very close: this moment of praise and attention is what eternity looks like and the only decision we have to make is to keep at it a little longer.

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