Humor

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My husband and I have been traveling to the island of Cozumel for over ten years now. As with most things in this world, inflation has driven prices up all over the island. Needless to say, things were not like they were when we first started coming to this paradise of only one or two all-inclusive resorts.

Chain restaurants such as McDonald's and Hard Rock Cafe have sprouted along the cruise ship strip. American-style malls and shops dotted the waterfront. To find anything authentically Mexican, we had to go off the beaten path and yet even the quaint makeshift shops carried American-inspired t-shirts and souvenirs.

Remembering the incredible exchange rate of days gone by, my husband was quite irritated to find his American dollar not extending as far this time. As he grumbled about the exchange rate, I was reminded of how as we age, we become more like our parents, saying such things as, "When I was little..."

We had spent the day forking out money for everything under the Caribbean sun. From overpriced shop items and peddlers hitting us to buy this or that to paying twice as much for one drink, my husband was barely hanging on by his last nerve.

"Do you want to buy a free map of dees island, Amigo?" We were approached many times with a "free" offer. We definitely knew by now that "free" meant a huge price tag attached sooner or later.

"Do you want to buy dees flower?"

"Would you like a Cuban ceegar, Senior?"

"How about two-for-one drink today?"

BOMBARDED was the only word that came to mind. We were definitely being bombarded. However, having sympathy upon the people of the island, my heart cried out for them as tourism was at an all-time low with the terrorists' attack of 9/11.

My husband, on the other hand, was feeling no pity for anyone. "I have spent $5.00 for one small drink, $42.35 to call home, $40.00 for lunch, $30.00 for a ferry ride, and $3000.00 to get here. I am not paying anyone another dime for anything. No one! Nothing! Not one dime!" To put it mildly, he was rather furious by now.

In the midst of this anger, he suddenly realized that he desperately needed to use the restroom over an hour ago. "I'll use the public bathroom at the ferry dock. At least there's still one free thing left in this world and that is the public bathroom!" I could hear the anger in his voice as he dashed toward the facility.

Suddenly, his six foot, 230 pound frame was halted by a small 4'9" female frame. The seniorita jutted out a single hand, demanding payment for entry.

"Fifty cents to use the PUBLIC bathroom? You've GOT to be kidding!" I heard his voice booming above the crowd. Here in Paradise on Earth, my husband was carrying on a battle with a petite, elderly lady. With one large stride, he attempted to sidestep around her but the hand jutted forcefully into his stomach as she demand two pesos.

Having minored in Spanish years ago, he stated something to her about paying fifty cents to use the public bathroom when pigs flew...

"Come on, Honey, it's only fifty cents." I interrupted his war. "Just give her the money. Besides, the ferry is about to leave."

By now, he was a little, how shall I say, demon possessed. "I AM NOT PAYING TO USE THE PUBLIC BATHROOM!"

Dancing a little ditty as he fought nature's calling, he jumped into traffic to cross the street. "I'll just go to the Hard Rock Cafe and use the bathroom for FREE! No one is taking another dime from me. I'll show them!" My crazed husband yelled over his shoulder.

Yes, he did use the bathroom and, no, he did not have to pay two pesos. But he did have to pay for two burgers and drinks which added up to $30.00 He sure showed them!

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