Encouragement

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It was a cold, rainy Saturday as I started out on the 45 minute drive to visit my mother. She had recently entered in-home hospice care. Living alone, and always very independent, mom insisted on staying in her own apartment in a comfortable and familiar surrounding for the duration of her hospice care. My siblings and I complied with her wishes, so throughout each week we took turns making the trek to mom's to take care of paperwork, do some cleaning, laundry and so forth. On this Saturday, I was going to meet one of my sisters as we were the designated bookkeepers and needed to pay some bills.

About a mile into my journey, I realized my hands were incredibly cold and thought to myself, “Oh, if only I had my gloves with me!” A small voice inside of me prompted me to check my pockets. To my surprise, my black, fleece-lined gloves were nestled deep inside. Smiling, I quickly put them on, letting them envelope each finger and palm, immediately feeling a comforting protection from the cold air in the car.

"Thank you, Lord, for my gloves", I said out loud. I thought to myself, "isn't that just like the Lord, to provide gloves for me, just because he loves me so, because he cares about my comfort, because he's my Father and wants to keep my hands warm."

As I continued my drive to mom's apartment, I felt a sensation of dread creeping over me. This was a familiar feeling I experienced whenever I made the trip to visit Mom; ever since she was diagnosed and deemed “terminal”'. There was always such a draw to be with my mother as much as possible, and to savor every moment with her, yet at the same time there was a deep repulsion and desire to run in the opposite direction, to flee from the sorrow and the grief that were already present and that I knew would only get worse. It was on days like this, when plunged right into the middle of “the valley of the shadow of death”, that I would ask the Lord to open my spiritual eyes to see beyond the obvious and enable me to see His blessings and provision--his goodness--in all of this. I even had been so bold as to ask that I would be allowed to see Him at work in the details of each day; not just the big, 'wow' events, but the mundane and trial-making stuff of each day.

Arriving at Mom's I met my sister in the parking lot and we let ourselves into the apartment. Mom was still in her robe and slippers, laying on her couch and said she hadn't slept well the night before. Mom usually wore a really cute, stylishly wig that she had purchased when she first started chemo and subsequently lost all her hair. But today she had decided not to "mess with it" and just "be". This was the first time I had seen my mother without her wig. This was the first time she allowed others to see her without her wig. It was a turning point and acknowledgement that we were embarking on a more difficult path that most likely would lead to the end of this journey.

Before we got down to the business of paying bills, my sister, Mom and I talked while sipping tea and coffee. Our conversation was full as Mom shared openly her thoughts about dying some day, her curiosity about Heaven and what it will really be like, and the excitement at the thought of seeing other loved ones waiting there. At one point, my sister asked mom if she'd like to have scripture read to her since she has just been too tired to read on her own. Mom was very 'up' for it.

I asked if I could read Psalm 145 as this is one the Lord had recently shown to me and that I had been reading almost daily!

Psalm 145
A psalm of praise. Of David.

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and
ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and
ever.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can
fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.

They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.

All you have made will praise you, O Lord;
your saints will extol you.

They will tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might, so that all men may know of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all
generations.

The Lord is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper
time.
You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will
destroy.

My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise his holy
name for ever and ever.

(Holy Bible, NIV Version)

I finished reading the passage with tears in my eyes as I realized we had been sharing and talking about God's goodness and faithfulness--one generation to another-- just as the Psalm had said. Before we knew it, the three of us broke out in song (which we have been known to do) singing parts of old hymns and finishing up with "When We All Get to Heaven", complete with 3-part harmony! What a joyful time of worship!

As I drove home from Mom’s apartment late in the afternoon, I thanked the Lord for the uplifting, encouraging time spent at my mother's. I was keenly aware of how the Lord had provided each of us with just what we needed. There was a joy and even an anticipation that filled the apartment that day. Although still heavy, our hearts had a peace, an assurance, that we were not walking this path alone, but that He was very present, walking alongside each of us. He had given much more than a glimpse of His goodness and work in the details of life that day.

I was overwhelmed as I thought about how uncontainable, how Holy and immense our God is, yet at the same time, how intimate and personal. I knew he had heard my prayers and chose that day to reveal more of Himself to me:

He hears the cries of all who call on him;
He fulfills the desires of all who fear him;
He opens his hand and satisfies the desires of every living thing;
He lifts up all who are bowed down;
His kingdom is everlasting;
He reigns and is worthy of praise;
He is my comforter in these days of grief;
My hope and joy in these days filled with trials;
He is faithful;
He is the One who loves me;

He is the one who reminds me of warm gloves in my pocket.

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