Healthy Living

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In the beginning
God
created
the heavens
and
the earth.
[Genesis 1:1]
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"Lord?
Are You an INVENTOR?"

"Yes,
My precocious."

(Laugh!)
"Ha, ha!"
(Squint curiously.)
"No, for REAL!"

[SMILE.]
[NOD.]
"Yes,
My beloved."

"WELL?
SO?
Why don't You
DO SOMETHING?"

[SMILE.]
"About what,
Mein kinder."

"About that darn
SPACE HEATER!"
(Grimmace!)
"It just QUIT,
on ME!"

"I know,
My beloved."

"WHY?"

"Because,
I AM the LORD."

(Roll eyes,
with impatience.)
"NO!
NO!
I mean,
why did it QUIT,
on ME?"

[AGGRAVATING SILENCE.]

"WELL?
Don't You KNOW?"

[NOD.]
"I AM the LORD,
My beloved.
I know all things."

(Hopeful squint.)
(Mouth opens*.)
"Ya DO?
Well....then,
...FIX IT!"

[STERN GAZE.]
"Child,
WHO AM I?"

"Eh......the One
Who Knows why
my Sears-Space-Heater-
just-2-months-old,
quit
WORKIN'?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Go and return it,
My precious."

"Yeah, but I don't
got** the box,
no more, Lord!"
(Squint up at ceiling fan.)
(Gaze up the ceiling vent.)
"REMEMBER?
I tossed it on the FLOOR?
And, then one 'a my
KITTIES threw UP,
on IT?"

[GENTLE SMILE.]
[SOLEMN NOD.]

"All I got is the RECEIPT!"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"I can stick it,
in a WALMART bag!"

[NOD.]
[PATIENT GAZE.]

"I should've BOUGHT
it, at WALMART!"

[GAZE OFF AT JUPITER.]
[GAZE AT THE MILKYWAY.]
[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes,
My beloved."

"79 BUCKS for this
darn thing! And, the one
I got at Walmart
was HALF the PRICE!
And, it STILL WORKS!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[NOD.]
"Yes,
My most precious."

"YEAH!
YOU BET!"

[SILENCE.]
[STUDY ONE OF THE
FEROCIOUS STORMS
ON THE SUN.]
[WATCH THE FOLKS
ON THE SPACE STATION,
DO, WHATEVER IT IS
THAT THEY DO WITH
AMERICANS' TAX MONEY.]

"Well, what about that
OTHER STUFF?"

"What stuff,
My beloved."

"Those LIGHT BULBS!
THOSE LIGHT BULBS!"

"Ah.
Yes."
[SOLEMN NOD.]

"Yeah!
Those stupid curly-cue
things!"
(Make big, kvetchy face.)
THEY DON'T work,
EITHER!"
(Mild curse.)

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"Is there light,
My child?"

(Clueless squint.)
"Is this a BIBLICAL
QUESTION,
Lord?"
(Squint.)

[LAUGH!]
[CHUCKLE!]

(Smile!)
"YOU know what
I MEAN!"
(Squirm.)
"Those things only
give off, a little LIGHT!
They ain't worth a
DARN!"

[EMPATHETIC NOD.]
[GAZE OFF AT PLUTO.]

"And....they take LONGER,
to come ON!
They're, like.... WEIRD!"

"It is a Mystery,
My beloved."

"Ya mean,
YOU had somethin'
to do, with the
making of these
darn LIGHT BULBS....
TOO?"

[CHUCKLE.]

"Well,
FIX 'EM!"

[SIGH.]

"FIX 'EM,
LORD!
FIX 'EM!"

[PATIENT FROWN.]
"Child....."

"WHAT?"

"Finish your lunch."

"YEAH?"

"And, then
get to the store."

"OKAY, LORD!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"Hey, LORD?
Remember: I got
that lesson #2, tonight,
about my spiritual
GIFTS!"

[NOD.]

"Are YOU
gonna be THERE?"

"I AM always
There,
My beloved."

"Good!
Maybe, You can
help them TELL ME,
what my SPIRITUAL
GIFTS ARE!"

[SMILE.]
[SHAKE HEAD,
IN BEMUSEMENT.]
******************
And
God
said
Let there
be light;
and
there
was light.
[Genesis 1:3]

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*Author was also
eating spaghetti,
at the time.
**Incorrect grammar:
used for conversational
emphasis.

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