Christian Living

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Watch for these patterns of behavior
By Dan Langerock

A mother was trying to get presents for her kids from someone, so she allowed her kids to talk to this person on the phone. However, this had been the break in the pattern, because she had not allowed her children to talk to the person before for several years.

Instead of visiting you when others are around also, a person may demand you spend time only with them when others are not around, even though there are no reasons for this behavior but selfishness.

These are two examples of how people can manipulate you when you least expect it. You think someone is genuine but they actually have another motive in mind. If you know someone is manipulative and controlling, when they apparently ‘give in’ in some manner, watch for another means to control you, unless the person has genuinely changed their behavior.

There are so many mechanisms people use to control others, it would take a book to list them all. The way you can protect yourself is to watch for behavior that is outside the normal pattern the person has exhibited in the past. Don’t pay attention to what they say, but what they do that is different than the norm.

This does not mean you should be suspicious of everyone’s motives, but that you should reason within yourself “Why is this person changing their behavior at this time?”. Look for what is at stake at this time or in the future that is motivation for this change. Unfortunately, those who are closest to us can be the most hurtful, sometimes.

Ask God for wisdom to fairly evaluate what is happening in your life, and try to discern if you are being controlled and manipulated in some ways you are not aware of. For this to stop, you must change your habit of giving in, if you are. When you change your behavior and stick to your decisions not to be controlled, the manipulation will stop—but probably not without some repercussions from those who have been trying to control you.

You don’t need to be suspicious of others but you need to be your own self, and not let others call the shots. You are your own person, so you are responsible for what you do and decide. Try to weed out the situations that cause you to buckle under to others’ wishes, when you believe you should not, and you will have a happier life. I truly believe that those who try to control us do not have our best interests at heart, and don’t love us in the pure sense of the word.
Much is said in the Bible about self-control and working on our own lives, but nothng is said about controlling others except to say “Mind your own business”.

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