Marriage

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DISCLAIMER: I am a licensed Christian minister, not a psychologist, psychiatrist or degreed counselor. My purpose is to share the Biblical insight God has given on this remarkable union between woman and man, and to share the minuscule traces of wisdom that I've acquired from doing marriage wrong, and doing it right.
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Q. Please pray for my marriage... it is in desperate shape. Over 25 years of alcoholism and drugs and the marriage is at rock bottom. There is no reaching my husband nor getting through to him. Things are pretty hopeless.

Thanks for praying. Alice*

* Personal details have been changed.

A. Alice, Thank you for your letter. We have been and will continue to pray for you! Our desire is to help in any way we can. Please let me say two things about any counsel that I offer before I begin...

1. It may not "tickle your ears." It may not be what you WANT to hear, but...

2. I strive that it be Biblical. I will share scripture with you and let God's word speak for itself.

Having said that, let me direct you to Romans 4:18-21, which says, "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, 'So shall your offspring be.' Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead--since he was about a hundred years old--and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."

It's easy to give up hope on what we perceive to be a hopeless situation. Believe me, I know! But Jesus said in Matthew 19:26 that "with God all things are possible." And we know that He "wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." (Timothy 2:4) So, it stands to reason that there is hope for the salvation of ALL people. Regardless of how hopeless the situation seems to us... and situations can seem pretty hopeless, God can work when we can't, and when we see no possible solution.

It can also be very discouraging to continue suffering the same trials over and over while God seems to sit silently watching and not acting on our behalf. The key here is "seems." Even though we may not see what God is doing, and even though we may not realize it, God IS at work in our lives. Always. He who "watches over Israel never sleeps or slumbers" (Psalms 121:4) and we are "Israel" if we belong to Him. We are His chosen ones. He will "never leave us, nor forsake us." (Hebrews 13:5)

Alice, "God cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7) He truly does. For YOU, personally. And for your husband just as much. And He IS working on your behalf, His working may just not be visible to you yet.

It seems to me that your answers lie in two key areas. If you've read this column since it began, you'll realize this is not new advice. But I believe it's CRUCIAL advice to a solid marriage.

With that thought in mind, may I offer a suggestion? Begin TODAY to do two things -- perhaps you already do one or both, if so, that's wonderful! -- but I believe we can ALL be more diligent in both of these areas and I believe that God will use your diligence to bring about the answer to your needs.

1. Pray for your husband. You can probably say, "But I've BEEN praying for him!" Good. Continue to pray. Pray specifically. Pray, "God take away this alcohol addiction that [your husband's name here] suffers from." Pray, "God heal my husband from this addiction to drugs." Pray, "God give my husband a desire to know you as His personal Savior and to serve you." Pray, "God help my husband and me to enjoy being with each other again. Help us to remember why we fell in love. Help us to be kind to one another. God, give my husband a love for me like Christ has for His church." Pray SPECIFICALLY.

You know the problems in your marriage. You know your husband's needs. Pray for them SPECIFICALLY every single day. And remember what James said about prayer, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord..." (James 1:6-7a). James is speaking of asking for wisdom in this passage, but the principle of prayer is the same. BELIEVE that God will answer and He will.

2. Read and study your Bible. Just as our bodies cannot exist without food, our spirits -- created in God's image -- cannot exist without spiritual food. God's word is our spiritual food. Find time, MAKE time to read it, study it, meditate on it, think about it.

If you have to go in the bathroom to find time alone with God, do so. If you have to take five minutes here, five minutes there, do so. If you have to copy pages from your Bible and carry them with you to read elsewhere, or take an old Bible and tear pages from it, do so. WHATEVER it takes. Read God's word. Why? Because God has spoken His thoughts through men and those thoughts have been written in the pages of the Bible. The answers are there... we just have to find them.

If Jesus were standing before you, you'd probably have a million questions for Him, just like most of us would. Well, you have the next best thing... you have His written word. You have God's thoughts, His ideas, His beliefs, His expectations. Take advantage of that. Find out what GOD has to say about your situation, about your thoughts, about your attitudes. Find out what GOD expects from you. Draw so closely to Him through His word and through prayer that He is able to "guide you with His eye..." (Psalms 32:8 KJV)

My prayer for you is that God will help you to begin TODAY to read His word consistently and to pray specifically for your husband, then EXPECT God to answer your prayers for your husband and help you find the answers you need in His word.

All scripture references taken from the NIV unless otherwise noted.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Darlene Bishop is a Christian minister, speaker, freelance writer and editor with over 25 years experience and has published numerous articles for both print and online publications. She can be reached at http://darlenebishop.com

Copyright © Darlene Bishop. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Contact the author for reprint permission.

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