Bible Studies

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the Lord stood by him
and said,
Take courage,
for as you have
testified about Me
at Jerusalem,
so you must bear
witness....at Rome.
When it was day,
the Jews made a plot
and bound themselves
by an oath
neither to eat
or drink till they
had killed Paul.
[Acts 23:11-12]
********************
(Humphrey, one of the
conspirators of the Sanhedrin,
is very upset. A sweat has
broken out on his plump face.
Sansibar, his closest friend,
and also one of the Sanhedrin,
comes over and nudges Humphrey,
sharply, in one of Humphrey's
plump arms.)
________________________
(Sansibar harshly whispers.)
"What's a matter with YOU,
Humphrey?"

(Humphrey, by now perspiring
terribly, whispers back. His
whisper, however, comes out
in a screechy whine.)
"HUH?"

(Sansibar snorts.)
"Aw, come ON!
Your whole FACE is resembling
a RIPE MELLON!"

(Humphrey takes a besotted
cloth outta his cotton cloak,
and wipes his plump face,
with quick little wipes. He
doesn't want the other guys
to see, or hear.. his distress.)
"Well, eh......."

(Sansibar whispers, more harshly.)
(Another nudge, this
time much sharper.)
"What's WRONG,
Humphrey? Spit it OUT!"

(Humphrey grabs his right
cloak sleeve with his left
plump, and sweaty hand.)
"OW!
That HURT!"

(One of the more humorless
of the Sanhedrin guys,
turns around, and glares
at Humphrey.)
"Shhhhhh!"

(Humphrey, immediately
hiding his sweaty handkerchief
in the armhole of his cloak sleeve,
makes a real serious face,
and nods at the Humorless
Sanhedrin Guy.)

(Sansibar nods, too.
Then he turns back to his
sweating friend. He whispers,
more secretively.)
"What's WRONG with you?"

"Nothin."

"Hey, I KNOW you,
Humphrey. REMEMBER?
We got Bar Mitzvah'd,
TOGETHER!"

(Humphrey rolls his big eyes,
and purses his plump mouth.)
"WOW.
THAT was a real JOY!"

(Sansibar shakes his head,
impatiently. He whispers back.)
"Why did you decide to
become one 'a the
Sanhedrin, ANYWAY?
I know how nervous you
get in the SYNOGOGUE!
Heck, you can't even stand up
to read outta the TORAH,
without breaking out
in a SWEAT!
And shakin' like a....
like a big fat LEAF!
And, everybody KNOWS you're
real WISHY-WASHY! You can't
even make one DECISION!"

(Humphrey grimmaces,
and shrugs, still keeping an
eye on the Humorless Sanhedrin
Guy in front of him.)
"Well......what ELSE was I
gonna DO?"
(Sweat, sweat.)
"Go and work out on the
SHEEP farm, for my
FATHER-IN-LAW?
ECH!"

(Sansibar philosophically nods.)
"Yeah......"
(Sigh.)
"That's true, Humphrey.
Nobody can really see you,
out in the sun, all day.....
with the sheep and all."

(Humphrey now glares at
his best friend, and cohort.)
"You BET!
Heck, I can't even be out
in the sun for more than a
MINUTE! You KNOW how
I FRECKLE!"

(Sansibar puts his covered
head down, to hide his
friendly snicker.)
"Yeah......boy, you really
turn a beet shade 'a RED,
whenever ya go OUTSIDE."

(Humphrey nods;
a woe-is-me look on his
plump, sweaty face.)
"Ya SEE?
What ELSE was I gonna DO?
I'm no GOOD at MATH!
There's no WAY I could'a
worked as a TAX COLLECTOR!"

(Sansibar snickers, again.)
"Yeah.
I see what ya mean."
(Sansibar peers closely
at his sweaty friend.)
"So......what's a MATTER?
You know we're all against
this PAUL guy! We gotta
GET him, Humphrey! He's
makin' a MESS 'a things!"

(Humphrey shrugs, rather
morosely. He whispers back.)
"I guess, Sans'.
You know I can't stand any
'a this VIOLENT-stuff-talk!
ECH!
It just ain't ME!
Heck, I can't even hurt
a FLY! The last time I
brought a cow to the
Temple to be SACRIFICED....."
(Humphrey turns a slight shade of
green, just remembering.)
"I let it GO, before I
even GOT THERE!
BOY!
Was my FATHER-IN-LAW
mad! I think the only reason
he PUTS UP with me, is
because my father's such'a
big machaya* at the synogogue!"

(Humorless Sanhedrin Guy
turns around, again.)
"Shhhhhhh!
Be QUIET, you TWO!"

(Sansibar puts his skinny
hand out, in a motion of
subservience. He knows this
Humorless Sanhedrin Guy;
as long as his superior-ous-ness
is appeased.....ANYBODY could
get along with him. Then,
Sansibar turned back to his
big sweaty friend.)
"You're one'a US,
Humphrey! You
can't turn back, NOW!"

(Humphrey puts a plump
sweaty palm on top of his
protruding stomach showing
through the cottony cloak of
his...eh, cloak.)
"But........no EATING?
No EATIN'?
........for how LONG?
Grabbin' this Paul FELLA
might take a LONG TIME,
SANSIBAR! It could
take, like....a whole MONTH!
Heck, I can't go for a whole
HOUR...without eatin' SOMETHIN'!"

(Sansibar shrugs, rather
philosophically.)
"Yes.....yes, it might take
a whole month, Humphrey....
even TWO."
(Sansibar watches, as a look of
pure sweaty horror come over
his plump friend's cheeky face.)
That is TRUE."
(Nod. Shrug.)
"But.....we've all taken an
OATH, here, Humph'.
A man's gotta do,
what a man's gotta do."
(Shrug.)

(Humphrey grimmaces again,
this time with a rather hungry
look on his plump cheeks.)
"Whoever said THAT?"

(Sansibar squints rather cluelessly.)
"I DUNNO."
(Shrug.)
"It sounds good, though,
DON'T** it?"

(Sweaty faced response.)
"NO!"

(Humorless-Sanhedrin-Guy-Turn
-Around-And-Glare.)
"SHHHHHH!"

(Humphrey squints, grimmaces,
and puts out his plump hands,
placatingly.)
"Okay!
OKAY!"
(Gestures to his friend, and
they both back outta the
Sanhedrin-Fellas-Conspiracy-Room
.....and, into the cool night.)
"SO?
What am I gonna DO?"

"About WHAT, Humphrey?"

"About this no-eating-OATH-
business! Ya know I can't
DO IT! Heck, I don't even
KNOW this PAUL GUY!
Why should I give up
eatin' for HIM?"

(Sansibar sighs, hopelessly.)
"Oy, HUMPHREY."
(Sigh.)
"Maybe.........maybe, this
Paul guy'll high-tail it outta town,
before we have to DO anything
ABOUT him!"

"High-TAIL?
What's THAT, SANSIBAR?"

(Sansibar shrugs;
both his skinny hands palms
upward.)
"I DUNNO, Humphrey!"
(Shrug with a kvetchy
look on his long, skinny face.)
I think the AUTHOR of this
little dialogue watched a lotta'
WESTERN movies!"

******************************
There were more
than forty
who made this
conspiracy.
And they went
to the chief
priests and elders
and said,
We have strictly
bound ourselves
by an oath
to taste no
food
till we
have killed
Paul.
[Acts 23:13-14]
______________________
*Yiddish for 'a big guy
in the ranks'. Somethin'
like that; Author hasn't
lived in Philly, for a long time.
**Incorrect grammar: it should
be 'doesn't', but author is using
it here for conversational
emphasis.

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