Grief

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I reside in Norway and I am originally from Kenya. Today, I got sad news from home (Kenya) about my mom passing on. I have spent the whole day mourning and my thoughts wandering back and forth wondering why life has to be so cruel. Sometimes it is extremely difficult seeing divine plans, or at least permission, in everything that happens. It is a long story but in all human reasoning, this was not in the least a time I would have expected God to allow my mom to pass on.

For sometime now, I have been confronted with things that are difficult to reconcile. I have even written a manuscript whose title would put off many Christians. When I think that I have recovered from one thing another destabilising thing happens.

Sometimes I get so gripped by the proliferation of miracles that were happening at the inauguration of the Church that I wonder if we still have the same Christianity. Yes, I believe in miracles and the fact that they happen TODAY as well. I even experienced one on 2nd October, 2008. I was hit by a delivery van as I was cycling home. I was dragged under the vehicle. The back wheel climbed on my left arm, my head was right on the way of the wheel. After the wheel was through with my arm my head was next. The van stopped inches away from my head. And my arm withstood the weight of the van—no scratch and not broken. The miracle: I escaped unhurt when I was supposed to have died.

And that is the problem, namely, the belief that I maintain that God still does miracles. Why then is He so “reluctant” to do them?
My mom was diagnosed with the cancer of the uterus. It was so advanced that the doctors saw no hope. This is where a miracle could have come in. The Bible tells us to make our requests to God. I did make my request and asked brethren to join me in it. It wasn’t granted. The Lord still knows better.

The conclusion of the matter: Many of us envy 1st Century Christianity because of the proliferation of miracles and sympathize with the “dearth” of such miracles in our generation. But on a second thought, each generation has been given something to struggle with, something that if we don’t hold first to the revelation from above, may make it untenable to keep the faith. For the 1st Century believers, it must have been accepting Christ as God when He was so human. He was so human that at times He would weep; be hungry and even behave so helpless. For us, I guess it is the idea of holding on even when God seems not to grant our pleas even after invoking His promises.
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