Kids & Parenting

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Listening with the Heart
By Shaina

Writing this story takes a great deal of thought because it is of the utmost importance that I do so in a manner that appropriately conveys the right emotions I experienced during this time in my life.
Harper Ray Postema is my first cousin. Harper came into this world prematurely; every breath he took was a struggle. At the same time I was also struggling; my challenge wasn't breathing, but it too was a matter of life and death. I was struggling with the decision of whether or not to abort the four week old fetus living inside of me. When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared and I closed my heart to the life of my child. I am ashamed to admit how great the temptation was for me to end the pregnancy. It seemed, at first glance, to make all the problems I was facing go away. I already had a son who was just over a year old and I hadn't even finished high school yet. Deep down however I didn't want to be responsible for killing God's creation, and this is why I put off making a hasty decision to have the abortion.
That's when Harper arrived; to help me make the right decision. When I went to see him in the hospital, he was in a glass box. He was being monitored by machines and other machines were needed to assist his breathing. He was not much bigger than a grown man's hand. Sometimes the machines would go off, letting you know something had come detached or his heart rate had changed. We couldn't hold him; we could just touch him through an opening in the incubator after completely sterilizing our hands and arms and removing all of our jewelry.
That was one of the hardest things I ever did: visit my cousin that night. I didn’t really understand, at least not then. My aunt and uncle had done nothing I knew of to bring this about, and Harper had certainly not done anything to deserve this. I thought a lot about all of this, and all my thinking led me to wonder, "How could I contemplate taking a life, when this innocent little baby was fighting so hard for his?" The answer was and is, I could not. I truly believe that is why he came early, he was sent to save me from making a devastating mistake and save the life of my baby.
Once I realized this, God opened my heart to my unborn child and I knew how much I loved her. Eight months later, I gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Amelia Chastity.
I know now that everything that occurs on this earth is not without purpose. God does hear our cries of pain and he sees our struggles. That he does send answers; we just have to listen with our hearts.

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