Politics

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In those days,
there was
no king
in Israel;
every man did
what was right
in his own eyes.
[Judges 17:6]
*************************
"Hey, LORD?"

[WISE NOD.]
"Yes?"

"What should I DO?"

[PATIENT SMILE.]
"About what,
Mein kinder."

"I'm VOTIN',
tomorrow!
(Squint up at ceiling.)
REMEMBER?
I decided ta' vote,
EARLY?
(Kvetchy grimmace!)
And, I still don't
know WHAT
ta' DO!"

[SMILE!]
"Ah.
[SOLEMN NOD.]
I see."

"YEAH!
(Grimmace!)
The PROBLEM is......
I just don't like
ANY of those GUYS!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"I understand,
My precious."

"Oh, yeah.
(Sassy smile!)
I forgot.
One of 'em
ain't even...a GUY!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Yeah......and...
I don't like HER,
EITHER!"

[SIGH.]

"Ya KNOW:
what with the REINDEER,
and ALL!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"ECH!
(Major grimmace!)
DISGUSTING!"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"Ich!
ECH!
Shooting REINDEER!"

[CALM NOD.]

"Yeah.....
ECH!
I'm sorry, Lord.
I just can't DO it!"

"What's that,
Mein kinder."

"VOTE for her!
No WAY!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"ForGET about it!"

[NOD.]
[GAZE OFF AT THE MOON.]

"Yeah.....but,
I don't like the
OTHER guy,
too much:
EITHER!"
(Philosophical shrug.)
"Well....he IS
young and handsome,
and he IS tall.
Aren't PRESIDENTS
supposed to be ...like,
TALL?"
(Shake scruffy head.)
(Sigh.)
But, what's THAT supposed
ta' MEAN?"

"I understand,
My child."
[FROWN AT THE HEADLINES
ON CNN.]

"So......
like, WHAT should
I DO?
(Squint thoughtfully.)
should I .......
just not VOTE?"

[PEERING OFF AT PLUTO,
THE DWARF PLANET.]

"Hey, LORD?
(Silence.)
LORD!"
(Look up at ceiling.)
"Are You LISTENING to ME?"

[CALM VOICE.]
"Yes, My precious.
Every word."

"WELL?
(Squint up at ceiling.)
What should I DO?
They're all just a bunch
a' MILLIONAIRES!
WHAT are ANY
of those YAHOOS
gonna do for ME,
anyHOW?"

[GENTLE FROWN.]
[PATIENT VOICE.]
"Vote,
child."

"Yeah....but,
I STILL haven't
made up my MIND!"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yeah, but.....?"

"What are you,
Mein kinder."

(Squinty grimmace.)
"ME?"

[NOD.]

"Eh......I DUNNO!
(Peer up at air vent.)
WHAT?"

[PATIENT GAZE.]
"Think."

"Eh......a NE'RE do WELL?"

[CHUCKLE.]
"No.
Think."

"Eh......an ANIMAL lover?"

[DEEP SIGH.]
"What else."

(Puzzled frown.)
(Sip of Walmart rootbeer.)
"What."
(Scratch scruffy head.)
"You mean,
an AMERICAN?"

[SOLEMN NOD.]

"Yeah, but....."

"Go,
child."

"HUH?"

"Go.
[SMILE.]
And,
vote."
******************************
God bless America.

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