Book Navigation
  • Hire
    Writers
    Editors
  • Home
  • Read
    What's
    New
  • Join
    Faith
    Writers
  • Forum
  • My
    Account
    Login
  • Shop
    Save
    Support
  • Book
    Store
  • Learn
    About
    Jesus
Return to Content
  • Read Our Devotional
  • Opportunities to be Published
The Home for Christian Writers! Matthew 6:33

Short Stories

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BY COMMENTING
  Leave Comment   Message Writer
  Hire Writer
Report Article
  Track Writer
  Add to Favorites
El Senor

by Julie Michaelson
09/28/08
For Sale
Author requests article critique

  Message Writer Mail
  Hire Writer

Tweet

Take heed,
watch,
for you
do not know
when
the time
will come.
[Mark 13:33]
*************************
Suddenly, a loud crash is heard
from downstairs, in the Ken's study.
Francine, who has been sitting
at her ivory bordered
vanity table, in the middle of gently
massaging her youthful skin with her
favorite rose scented cream, looks up horrified.
My GOD! What is going ON? Immediately
rising from the silk covered vanity
chair, she pulls the sash of her
velvet robe a bit tighter.....and
rushes, on tiny wedged heels, out
of the master bedroom. A tiny bead
of sweat has gathered at the base
of her upswept, toweled hair. Could
it be......could it be, that one of those
GIRLS has broken her antique
Belgian VASE?
_________________________
"ROSA! ROSA!
What in the world HAPPENED?"

(Silence.)

"ROSA?
ROSA!
Come here, this MINUTE!"

(Silence.)
(A soft muttering.)
(Exclamation in Spanish.)

"ROSA?
What is going ON?"

(Francine, in exasperation,
tears off her damp velvet
towel and tosses it on the
bedspread. Her hair,
perfectly done just yesterday
at Jacques', remains untouched,
and quiet lovely. She had wanted
to keep the towel on a bit longer,
while applying her makeup, but
she's now much too upset.....and,
well, hot under the collar. Shaking her
beautiful head, she pulls open the
bedroom door, and marches to the
top of the long stairwell.)

(A girlish voice, almost inperceptible,
meekly cries for her.)
"Mee's?
Mee's?"

(Francine rolls her eyes, and
sighs deeply. Goodness,
she's NOT going to have to talk
to that NEICE, is she? REALLY!
The girl couldn't speak a WORD
of ENGLISH! Where on earth
was ROSA?)
"Yes? What is it?"

(The young girl, whose name
totally escapes Francine, is
standing in the middle of the
hallway, just staring up at her
from underneath the just polished
chandelier. The girl has her
arms crossed, and is hugging
them to her body, as if the air
had suddenly become quite frigid.)

(Francine, refusing to come down
from the landing, simply glares
angrily.)
"What's the MATTER?
What HAPPENED?"

(The girl sorrowfully shakes her
dark head, and returns Francine
a wide-eyed look.)
"I dunno, Mee's!
I DUNNO!"

"My GOD!"
(Francine marches down the
thickly carpeted stairs; they
had just been done, and she
surely hoped her tiny heels were
snagging the new layers of wool.
GOODNESS! What NOW?
Was she EVER going to get
acceptable help from that
AGENCY? WELL! They were
going to hear about THIS! She
would call them immediately;
just as soon as she got to the
bottom of this.)
"What's the MATTER with YOU?"

(The girl didn't say a word,
but gave another tiny shake
with her glossy dark hair.)

"WHERE'S Rosa?
Isn't she still VACCUMMING?"

"I dunno, Mee's."
(Quietly, the girl uncrossed
her arms and pointed to the
study. Her fingers were
trembling.)

(Francine stiffens just a little,
with alarm. Had the maid had
a HEART attack? Oh, NO!
Was she lying in there......UNCONSCIOUS?
Oh, my GOD! Did she really
NEED this: this MORNING?
GOODNESS! She was ALREADY
running a bit LATE! And, now
THIS! Immediately, Francine's
soft fingers reached for the
slim cell in her robe pocket. She
would need to call Cathy; she didn't
want her friend waiting at the club,
unneccessarily. Padding over to
the study door, she peered into
the open French, glass doors. To
her suprise, and disgust,
the vaccuum cleaner
was still running, by itself.)

"Would you PLEASE go,
and TURN that thing OFF!"

"Yes, M'm."
(But the girl, just stood at the doorway,
as if paralyzed. Francine, beside her, could smell
the girl's scent: lemon furniture
polish, Pinesol, and a layer of
nervous sweat.)

"Oh, let ME go turn it OFF!
You are such a WASTE!
Why did Rosa BRING you
here, ANYWAY?"

(Francine's insults went
unnoticed. The girl, not
comprehending the rapidly
murmured English, went back
to crossing her arms, and
looking fearful. Francine
marches into the open study,
and in exasperation, just pulls
harshly on the long, tangled
cord. A tiny spark could be
seen from the outlet, but that
was all. Everything should have
been quiet in this snug little
library, just off the front lawn.
It was such a beautifully decorated
room: papered in dark green silk,
and heavily upholstered chairs.
There was even a tiny winding
staircase to the arquitectural
ceiling; it encompassed the large
collection of handsomely leathered
books which Ken had inherited from
his grandfather. Francine listens
for just a moment; she glances
back at the girl; she obviously heard
the noise outside, as well.
As usual, Rosa had opened the
large windows in the room while she
was cleaning. It was a beautiful
autumn day, and a softly cool
breeze was coming in from the
shaded lawn. Their house was
far secluded from the main
street, so traffic noise was never
a problem. But......was that
horn blowing, off in the distance?
What was all that RACKET? Francine
shrugged; must have been an
accident, near the highway. Goodness;
just something else to keep her from their
tennis game today. Again, Francine's
moist fingers touches the cool
metal of her cell. She really hated
being rude; Cathy was one of
her best friends, and always such
a gracious person.)

"Oh, my GOD!
My VASE!"
(Just as Francine had imagined,
her magnificent Belgian vase,
a treasured antique and quite
expensive, was lying on the
forest green carpet in inumerable
slivers, and large irregular pieces.
Even the solid glass cover, which
was used to keep the antique
away from dust, was totally
smashed, and now ingrained in
the thickly green carpet.
Francine stands in horror, for
one moment. But........but,
where was ROSA? Had she run out of
their HOUSE? No; Francine
glances, suspiciously, out the window: Rosa's
ancient blue stationwagon was still
parked outside, by the side hedge.
That was odd. Maybe, she had escaped
outside, after running her vaccumm
into the tabled vase, and was now
standing, out back. Francine is
about to turn to Rosa's young neice,
and shout an order....when she
hears a blood curdling scream.)

"OH!
MEE'S!
MEE'S!"

"WHAT?"

(The young girl points to
something colorful, beneath
the leather desk chair.)

"Oh, my GOD!"
(Francine stares. It was the
yellow t-shirt that Rosa had
been wearing this morning.
Francine remembered it,
because it had been one of
those ironed-on photos on
the front: a childish
picture of one of Rosa's
many nieces and nephews.)
"WHAT?"

(Francine peers under the
huge chair, warily reaching out
to touch the cotton cloth. Then,
she realizes that the rest of
Rosa's clothing was there, also:
her large denim jeans, her dark
orthopedic-looking tie shoes,
even her thick white sox, the white
head scarf she always wore,
and.............underwear.
Oh, my God.
Had she been .......KIDNAPPED?
There was no.....hm, blood....or anything.
Francine grimmaces. Goodness;
this was awful. Now, the police
were going to have to be called,
of all things. She better, first,
get in touch with Ken at his office.
Squinting, she peeres more closely;
nothing seemed to be torn.....or,
ripped in any way. But, wait a
minute; had they taken her wallet,
or I.D., or keys?)

"Go and look in her clothes!"

(The young girl, still beside her,
startles at the sound of Francine's
voice. She obviously didn't understand
the words, but nods dumbly at
Francine's outstretched finger.)

"Yes, Mee's!"
(The girl moves, with surprising
calm, beneath the chair
and withdraws all the pieces of clothing.
Both women just stare for a few
minutes, at the draped garments
in the girl's hands. Neither says
a word. The scent of burnt
vaccuumed dust is still in the
morning air. Far off can still
be heard the loud honking of
car horns. Now, though, is the
accompanying sound of police
sirens.)

"But.....her wallet's still here!
And, LOOK! There's still
some MONEY in here! Even,
the charge card I gave her
to go fill up my TANK!"
(Francine talks to herself,
as she gently opens up her maid's small,
obviously well used
wallet; it had been neatly tucked
inside one of the back zippered
pockets of her jeans. There
was nothing else, besides a wad
of neatly folded tissues, and the
bright red key chain that dangled
from the fob on the pants' waist.
That was all. Did Rosa have
an ex-husband in her past? Perhaps,
he had followed her to their house
this morning, and sneaked into the
study. With Rosa vaccumming,
she probably wouldn't have heard
the door opening or closing. But,
what about this neice? Wouldn't
she have heard something?)

"Mee's!"
(Suddenly, the young girl is
pointing to something else
lodged in the thick carpet.)

"Oh, my goodness. I'm not
looking; I'm going to call
the police, right NOW! Then,
I'm going to call that agency,
and have the two of you FIRED!"

(Francine grabs the cell out
of her robe pocket, but due to her
trembling fingers, immediately
drops it onto the green forest
of carpet fibers. Irritatedly,
she bends over to retrieve it;
and just as suddenly, draws back.)
"Oh......
my God."

(Rosa's neice gets down on her
denim'd knees, and crawls under
Ken's huge mahogany desk. She
picks up the tiny gold chain that
is lying next to Francine's forgotten
cell phone on the carpet.)

"GIVE it to me!"
(Francine holds out her hand.
The girl reverently places the
chain into Francine's open palm.)
"Oh.
Oh, my God.....
Oh, my God.
She would NEVER leave this!
She wore it all the TIME!
Even, when she was cleaning
out my OVEN!
LOOK! It's not even BROKEN!
It's....why, the clasp is closed: that's odd..
...as if Rosa unclasped it, just for a moment,
and....then, carefully closed the clasp
just before she.....left."
I........I don't UNDERSTAND?"

(The young girl, beside her,
begins to speak
to herself in Spanish. Francine,
for once, turns to look at her
maid with true curiousity: as if
she were a .....a......well,
a real person. What was her
NAME, anyway?)

(Francine thinks for a moment,
and then clears her throat.)
"Uh.......tu NOMBRE?"

(The young girl smiles
self-consciously.)
"Ah.
LOUISA!"

(Francine smiles thinly,
and then nods. Rolling her
eys, she pats herself on the
chest with her free hand,
while she squints
down at her open palm:
in it was Rosa's tiny gold chain,
and its dangling Cruxifix.)

"Ay! Dios MIO!"
(Louisa begins pointing up,
up with her left forefinger.)

"What: is she......DEAD?
Well.........what HAPPENED to her?"
(Francine pulls back, grimmacing
again. This whole thing was getting
just a bit too morbid for her. She
had better call Ken: immediately.)

(Louisa pulls at Francine's
velvety robe sleeve, and
continues pointing up at the ceiling.)
"NO!
NO!
EL SENOR!
EL SENOR!"

"Yes, yes......"
(Francine sighs, and walks
over to retrieve her cell phone.)
"I know, dear.
I'm going to call my husband,
right now. Goodness, but this
is going to be a long day. I've
almost forgotten all about CATHY!
She must be WAITING for me!"

(Francine touches the speed
number to Ken's office. Nothing
happens; the charge is on, but
the dial tone.....is gone.)
****************************
But of that day
or that hour
no one knows,
not even
the angels
in Heaven,
nor the Son,
but only
the Father.
[Mark 13:32]











PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
Reader Count & Comments
Date
Marijo Phelps
07 Oct 2008
Incredible! You took us there - descriptions wonderful as was the dialogue. Who would have thought it would end in Rapture! Loved it!
Patty Wysong
03 Oct 2008
Congratulations! This has been chosen to be highlighted on the Message Boards in the Cheering Section. You can see it by clicking here: FaithWriters Jewel Chest

Leah Nichols 
30 Sep 2008
Masterful job here! I figured it out before the end too, but I would never guess it from the beginning Amazing writing! :)
Joanne Sher 
29 Sep 2008
Oh, this is INCREDIBLE. Took me a while to figure it out (which I'm sure was the point) - but WOW. I love it.

The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com. This is especially true with articles that deal with personal healthcare and prophecy. We encourage the reader to make their own decision in consultation with God, His Word, and others as needed.

This article has been read 1011 times    < Previous | Next >
Read more articles by Julie Michaelson  or search for other articles by topic below.
Search for articles on: (e.g. creation; holiness etc.)
Read more by clicking on a link:
Free Reprints
Main Site Articles
Most Read Articles
Highly Acclaimed Challenge Articles.
New Release Christian Books for Free for a Simple Review.

God is Not Against You - He Came on an All Out Rescue Mission to Save You


...in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them... 2 Cor 5:19

Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Acts 13:38

LEARN & TRUST JESUS HERE

FaithWriters offers Christian reading material for Christian readers. We offer Christian articles, Christian fiction, Christian non-fiction, Christian Bible studies, Christian poems, Christian articles for sale, free use Christian articles, Christian living articles, New Covenant Christian Bible Studies, Christian magazine articles and new Christian articles. We write for Jesus about God, the Bible, salvation, prayer and the word of God.




Home  |   My Account  |   What's New  |   Site Map  |   Contact Us  |   Help  |   Blog
Monthly Newsletter  |   SITE INFO  |   Link To Us  |   Become A Member  |   Sponsors  |   ADVERTISING