Faith

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THE GIFT

From that moment when all seemed right with the world
To that moment when hell itself and all its demons began beating on my door
Was only an instant in time
But that instant has seemed to last an eternity
Cancer
Who would have every thought such a thing
Two days before I said within my heart
Things are good
Life is good
My family has been lucky so far
Then
Like a city bus that comes at you from your blind side
Wham
I found myself embedded in the asphalt
With tread marks across my brain
My Holly
Only twenty
Beautiful
Intelligent
Full of the presence of God
Blessed in everything she does
Why
Is the only question that pops into my little brain
God
Make it stop
You are in charge
You guide the lightning
You lay up the hale
You design the snowflake
You feed the birds
You clothe the fields
You alone can step from galaxy to galaxy
I believe
I trust
I know the scriptures
I know Jesus
I live the word
I have faith
Why
I cry
Over and over
When I’m alone
Each low moment
When I can’t breath

And fear grips my mind
And punctures my heart
I cry out
God
I need you
Show up
Help me
I f eel alone
No one can help
Where are you
Thirteen days now
That moment keeps growing
First a little thing
Appendicitis
No problem
Its gone
The mass
The tumor
That ugly thing
That looks at me
Smiles at me
Mocks me
Grins with wicked teeth at me
Daring me to move
Taunting me
Catch me if you can
I’m sitting right here
Or am I
Have I spread
Have I traveled
You don’t know
Do you
It’s my secret
Try and find out
Got you
You foul thing
Removed from your home
By skillful hands
Blessed hands
Anointed hands
To heal
To guide
Surgeons hands
Prayed over
Anointed
Thank you
Now what
Again, that moment
What next
Please God
Help us
End this now
How much more prayer
How many more tears
Fear and Faith
Can not
Exist
In
The
Same
Moment
Yes
I know that
My father’s heart
No matter what
It continues to cry
To dry up
To bleed
Friends
Family
All try to help
But
The reality
Is this
My Holly
Me
My wife
My son
It’s us
We have to fight it
Every moment
Make a choice
Run or fight
Give in
Or
Overcome
God
Help me
To
Help them
To be that strength
That assurance
When
My Holly
Searches my eyes
To know
To be able to sleep
To smile
You will not loose her
I have told you
Remember Job
I am God
I am in control
Don’t trust your own
Understanding
Lean on me
No matter what
Chemo
Radiation
We don’t know
So
We wait
We believe
We trust
That moment
A gift
That brings us closer
To each other
To God
To our church family
To our relatives
Fear and Faith
A gift

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