Short Stories

---

And now,
O priests,
this command is for you.
If you will not listen,
if you will not lay it
to heart to give
glory to My name,
says the Lord of Hosts,
then I will
send the curse
upon you......
[Malachi 2:1-2]
******************************
Jo'ach, son of Michael, was a
great-great-great ancestor of
the author. This is a true story,
passed down through the ne'r-do-well
generations of the sons (and daughters) of
Michael. One sleepy, summery
afternoon, the Lord came to Jo'ach, with a
Stern, albeit Compassionate, Command.
The following is a snippet
of the, somewhat lively, conversation.
________________________
"JO'ACH!"
(STERN LOUD VOICE.)
JO'ACH!"

(Sleepy mumble.)
(Whiny voice.)
"WHAT, LORD?
(Kvetchy frown.)
(Yawn.)
(Stretch.)
(Squinty look up at hazy sky.)
Didn't Ya know I was
takin' a NAP?"

[PATIENT FROWN.]
[SIGH.]
[LOVING GAZE.]

(Whine.)
(Stretch again under somewhat gnarled,
though really shady tree.
Ruff-Ruff, Jo'ach's scruffy,
flea-happy, impurely-bred,
gray, brown, and dirty-white
mutt, simply whimpers
a little, and then rolls back over
to snore. Jo'ach reaches over
to scratch Ruff-Ruff behind
one ear. In doing so, he finds
a flea, and flicks it away.)
"WHAT?
WHAT NOW?"
(Frown.)
You TOLD me to marry BERTHA,
the town YENTAH!
And.......
(Grimmace!)
I DID!
(Stomach acidy look on face.)
(Squirm.)
What MORE d'Ya WANT?"

[SOLEMN NOD.]
"That is right, My child.
And, you have been very obedient."

(Holding hand to stomach!)
(Grimmace!)
"Uh.....yeah, Lord.
Sure THING.
(Grimmace!)
Yeah.....SEE?
I did what Ya' ASKED!
So.....can't I just nap under
my TREE, NOW?"

"No."
[FIRM GAZE.]
I have another thing for you
to do today,
My child."

(Kvetchy squint up at sky.)
"WHAT?
Like........WHAT?
I .......(Grimmace!)
ALREADY told BERTHA'S
MOTHER that.......
(Acidy burp.)
she, eh.........(Gasy burp.)
eh....(Another burp, this
time with more gas.)
...could come LIVE with US!"

[APPROVING NOD.]
"Yes, child.
[FIRMLY APPROVING NOD.]
And, you did the right thing,
My Jo'ach.
NOW..........."

(Kvetchy, whiny voice.)
"NOW what?"

[SOFT RUMBLE, THOUGH FULL OF LOVE.]
"To Whom are you speaking,
Jo'ach?"

(Thoughtful squint.)
"Eh.......the One Who told
me I had t'a MARRY BERTHA
the TOWN YENTAH?"

[SOLEMN NOD.]
"Yes, child.
[STRONGLY DETERMINED VOICE.]
And, now I have something else
for you to do."

(Roll eyes in a gently sarcastic way.)
(Another grimmace.)
"What NOW?"

"I want to make a sacrifice to
Me."

(Jo'ach suddenly sits up,
with a horrified look of terror.)
"NO!
NO, LORD!
ANYTHING but........THAT!
(Jump up from under tree.)
(Bang head on a low branch.)
You KNOW how I FEEL
about that STUFF!
(Put puny hand to upper
gasy stomach.)
Heck!
I only eat a couple pieces'a
CHICKEN! And.....
(Burp.)
only, when I HAVE to!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"UH, UH!
NO WAY!
I don't care
WHAT Ya DO to me!"

[PATIENT GAZE.]

"FORGET about IT!
NO WAY!
FORGET it!"

[FAR OFF THREATENING
RUMBLE IN THE DISTANCE.]

"I AIN'T DOING it!"

[MORE RUMBLING. THIS TIME
A LITTLE BIT CLOSER.]

"NO!"

[RUMBLE.]

"FORGET it!
CURDSY is ONE'A my FAVORITE
COWS! I ALREADY told Ya!"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"Because I have felt compassion
on you, My Jo'ach, I will ask
for only the runt of your hefers."

(Look of stricken horror.)
(Put hand to gasy, acidy stomach.)
(Grimmace!)
"Ya mean........RUNTSY?"
(Look of total horror.)
(Even Ruff-Ruff, who was
peacefully snoring up until
now, wakes up and begins
to whine. And, scratch.)

[PATIENT NOD.]

"But.......LORD!
He's my FAVORITE!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"I know of your soft-hearted
nature, Jo'ach.
[COMPASSIONATE SIGH.]
So, I will only ask you to
do this one time in your life."

"NO!
NO!
NOT even ONCE!
NO!"
(Jo'ach makes an unusually
energic dash for his shed.
There, he makes a bee-line
for Runtsy, and throws
his puny, unmuscley arms
around the really scruffy,
scrawny calf. The calf,
wearing a little bright
scarf around its neck that
Jo'ach had especially bought for him
in the marketplace last week,
moos a little.)

[PATIENTLY WAITING.]

"NO!
NO!
(Buries head in Runtsy's
scruffy, little neck.)
NO!
I WON'T DO it!
NO!"

[DETERMINED SIGH.]
"Alright, Jo'ach.
[LOVING GAZE.]
Because I am a Just God,
I must give you a punishment,
for your disobedience."

(Kvetchy grimmace up at
dusty ceiling of old shed.)
"WHAT?
(More grimmacing.)
WASN'T marrying BERTHA
the town YENTAH......ENOUGH?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"And.....what about takin'
in her MOM?"
(Grimmace!)
"THAT'S DOUBLE punishment!"

[RUMBLE.]
"Because you have disobeyed Me,
Jo'ach, I am going to put a
curse on all your generations."

(Puzzled squint.)
(Curious squint.)
"WHAT?
What d'Ya MEAN, Lord?"

[RUMBLE.]
"A curse."

"Like WHAT?"
(Jo'ach plants a relieved,
though sloppy, kiss on
his favorite runty calf.)
(The calf moos loudly, and
settles down into the smelly hay.)
(Ruff-Ruff wanders in the shed,
and begins to sniff at the smelly
hay. Then, he sneezes really loudly.)

"A curse on all your generations."

"WHAT, LORD?
Do I have t'a tell BERTHA
about IT?"

[SOLEMN NOD.]

"Oy.
That's gonna be DOUBLE
the punishment.
(Sorrowful sigh.)
Oy.
Well.....You better tell me
what it is.....
(Gasy burp.)
.....and, get it over with......"
(Sigh.)
(Burp.)

[COMPASSIONATE NOD.]

"Okay.....what IS it, LORD?
What's our CURSE gonna BE?"

[LONG PAUSE.]
[BIG RUMBLE.]
[LIGHTENING FLASH.]
[FIRM LOUD VOICE.]
"Flat feet,
My disobedient Jo'ach.
Flat feet."
**************************
Behold,
I will send you
Elijah the prophet
before the great
and terrible day
of the Lord.....
And he will turn the hearts
of fathers to their children
and the hearts of children
to their fathers,
lest I come
and smite the land
with a curse.
[Malachi 4:5-6]

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE