Politics

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Then God said
Let us make man...
and let them have
dominion over the
fish of the sea,
and over
the birds
of the air,
and over
the cattle
and over
all
the earth.
[Genesis 1:26]
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"I'm ANGRY, Lord!"

[PATIENT GAZE.]
"What now,
My child."

"ECH!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"NAUSEATING!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"ECH!
(Grimmace.)
I thought she was so.....pro LIFE?"

"Who, child."

"YOU know, LORD!
That REPUBLICAN!
ECH!"

[SILENCE.]

"Did You see that PICTURE?
It's DISGUSTING!
Sitting in that BLOODY SNOW?
Beside that beautiful REINDEER?"

[SILENCE.]

"The smell of BLOOD would have
been in her NOSTRILS.
(Grimmace!)
That's really PUTRID."

[PATIENT NOD.]

"I can imagine that the deer
made a sound, after she SHOT it.
(Close eyes.)
Did it WHIMPER, LORD?
How much PAIN did it SUFFER,
before it DIED?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"I thought she was so...pro-LIFE?
Obviously NOT.
She must really enjoy watching
BLOOD spurting out on the
WHITE SNOW!"

[MORE PATIENT SIGHING.]

"So, what's she doin'
KILLING those magnificent
caribou, ANYWAY?"

[SILENCE.]

"And....not to be indelicate,
or anything, but....
I bet she even gets that 'hunter's high'
from it. Ya know: that rush of adrenalin
that athletes get: sorta like
a SENSUAL high.
Ech.
Makes me wanna throw-up.
Makes me wanna vomit."

"Indelicate, little one?"

"Well....isn't it INDELICATE
to shoot blasting bits of
metal into a DELICATE FOREST
CREATURE? And....then,
watch, TRIUMPHANTLY,
as it falls, whimpering,
to the GROUND?"

[SILENCE.]

"Ya know, when I was a little
Jewish kid in northwest Philly,
I the only thing I knew about
reindeer was that little show
every Christmastime about
Rudolph. Ya know, Lord:
how that little NOSE of his
would light UP? And, all the
little reindeer AROUND him,
would make FUN a' HIM? That's
it: that's all I knew about
reindeer, and I felt sorry for
him even THEN! NOW! Now,
I hear that lady likes to go
around and SHOOT THEM!
AGGGHHHH!"

"Calm down, child."

"And, DON'T TELL me
it's cuz she's from ALASKA!
I've got a neighbor from
ALASKA!
And...SHE doesn't HUNT!
SHE'S got a pet CHIHUAHUA!
AND, a cat!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"I understand, My precious."

(Squint up at ceiling.)
"I thought the Palins
were MILLIONAIRES?
So, what's THIS about?
Does she have to HUNT
for her own FOOD?
Doesn't her MAID
have a GROCERY STORE,
to go TO?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Or....WHAT?"

[QUIET VOICE.]
"Calm down, child."

"WHY?
Why SHOULD I?
HUH?"

"Calm down, My precious.
You'll get another migraine."

(Snort.)
"SO?
Big DEAL!
What's one MORE?
(Spit over shoulder.)
DISGUSTING.
Really NAUSEATING."

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"She's obviously not as
pro-life, as we THINK."

[PATIENT GAZE.]

"Sorry, Lord.
(Frown.)
I guess I've always been
too soft-hearted....I know;
it's been my downfall."

[PATIENT NOD.]

"I wish You had made
me differently, Lord:
not such a weeny."

[SOLEMN NOD.]

"Yeah; if I was hard-hearted,
like HER, I'd probably be
running for VICE PRESIDENT,
by NOW!"

[CHUCKLE.]
"I understand,
My precious."

"Yeah; it's really a shame."

[SMILE!]

"Well.....maybe, in the NEXT life."

[GENTLE CHUCKLE.]
"I don't think so, My child."

"Ya mean: I'm ALWAYS gonna
be this WAY?
(Squint!)
A big SOFT-hearted WEENY?"

[SOLEMN NOD.]
"I'm afraid so,
My beloved.
[GENTLE CHUCKLE.]
I'm afraid so."
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So she quickly emptied
her jar
into the trough
and ran again
to the well
to draw,
and she drew
for all
his camels.
[Genesis 24:20]
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