Bible Studies

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We came to the land
to which you sent us;
it flows with milk
and honey,
and this is its fruit.
Yet the people
who dwell
in the land
are strong,
and the cities
are fortified
and very large.
[Numbers 13:27-28]
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(It's Sometime B.C.
The bunch 'a guys,
who got sent by Moses
to spy on the Promised Land,
have just returned from
Mission Impossible.*)
_________________________
"Hey, BOSS!"

(Aggravated sigh.)
(Nearsighted squint.)
"I told ya to stop
CALLING me that,
CALEB!"

"Sorry, boss.
(Tosses some real big
pieces of fruit.)
Here!
TAKE a look at THIS!"

(Lots of oohing and aahing.)
"WHOA!
(Moses hefts fruit.)
(Tosses it to Aaron, his brother.)
Man, they're BIG!
(Squints nearsightedly
at piece of fruit.)
What IS that stuff,
ANYWAY?"

"POMEGRANATES!
POMEGRANATES!"
(Caleb rolls his eyes,
and shakes his dusty head.)
Gee, MOSES!
Can't you see NOTHIN'?"

(Moses looks up and
squints rather nearsightedly.)
(Shifts, rather uncomfortably, on
bad arches.)
"Uh, uh.
(Kvetchy frown.)
The Lord told me I was
gonna have ta' rely on
HIM to get us through
this DESERT.......REMEMBER?"

(Caleb and Joshua glance
at each other, rather
sorrowfully.)
(Joshua mumbles under
his breath.)
"Oy vey."

(Nearsighted frown.)
(Sit down, sighing
heavily, on nearby rock.)
(Tosses off really good sandal,
and starts rubbing really bad
left arch.)
"SO?
(Squint.)
What HAPPENED?"

(Joshua heavily sighs.)
(Grabs a bunch a' grapes
from his Spy Bag.)
(Starts tossing juicy
grapes into his mouth,
and munching noisily.)
"Eh.........well.......
we got GOOD news,
and we got BAD
news, BOSS!"

(Caleb grins.)
"YEAH!
(Scratches his dusty head.)
WHICH one do ya
hear, FIRST?"

(Moses squints nearsightedly
at his brother Aaron.)
(Takes off other really
good sandal and moans.)
(Starts rubbing other
really bad arch.)
"Oy.
(Sigh.)
I don't think I wanna HEAR this.
YEAH?
(Nods nearsightedly.)
Go ON!"

(Joshua and Caleb glance
at one another, again.)
(More sighing.)
(More tossing and munching.)
(Caleb peers down at Moses'
really good sandal that is
now tossed askew beside
the rock.)
"Hey, BOSS? What's WRONG
with your SANDAL?"
(Now everybody, standing around
to see the Big Pomegranates,
all move their eyes toward
the wayward sandal.)
Aren't our SANDALS**, to like,
LAST till, like.....our
KIDS are happily feasting
on milk and HONEY in the
PROMISED LAND?"

(Moses sighs rather audibly.)
"Would you STOP CALLING ME BOSS!
And....NO!
(Gives Caleb a sarcastic nearsighted
squint.)
"No, You dingbat! My SANDALS are....FINE!
It's my FLAT-FOOTED-TRIBE that's
giving me a pain in my TUCCHES****!"

(Caleb gives Moses a big air-headed
look.)
(Scratches again at his dusty head.)
"HUH?
What's a.....DINGBAT?
Is THAT some new WORD ya
learned up at Mount SINAI?"

(Moses rolls his very near-sighted eyes.)
"FORGET about it, CALEB!"
(More kevtchy squinting.)
"SO?
What's with all this UCHENVEY*** NEWS?
You're gonna have ta'
TELL us, SOONER
or LATER!"

"Well, boss......"

"And, STOP CALLING
ME BOSS!"

(More dusty scratching.)
"Sure, boss.
Well........
(Scratch. Scratch.)
Well, eh......SEE this FRUIT?"

(Squint.)
"Yeah....?
(Nearsighted nod.)
SORTA."

(Scratch.)
(Specks of dust float down
on everybody.)
(Moses sneezes loudly.)
(Caleb nods rather apologetically.)
"Well......eh,
that's the GOOD news,
boss."

(Suspicious squint.)
(Nearsighted sniff.)
"YEAH?
So......eh,
what's the BAD news?"

(Caleb and Joshua glance
again at one another.)
(Caleb scratches again,
rather squeamishly.)
"Eh......well......."

(Furious squint.)
"SPIT it OUT,
CALEB!
(Nearsighted glance at Joshua.)
And, JOSHUA!
Would you stop MUNCHING?
And, start TALKIN'!"

(Scratch. Scratch.)

(Munch. Munch.)

"Well.....eh, boss.
(Scratch. Scratch.)
Eh........
Ya SEE this here FRUIT?
(Point dusty finger at
Joshua's mouth full a'
juicy grapes.)
THAT'S how BIG the
PEOPLE are!"

(Squint over at Joshua's
mouth full 'a juicy grapes.)
(Squint over at brother Aaron.)
"Uh, oh."
***********************
And,
besides,
we saw the
descendants
of the Anak there.
The Amalekites
dwell in the land
of the Negeb;
the Hittites,
the Jebusites,
and the
Amorites
dwell in the
hill country.
And the
Canaanites
dwell by the sea.
[Numbers 13:28-29]
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*For baby boomers:
remember the 60's
show with the
TAPE recorder?

**'Your clothing
did not wear out
upon you,
and your foot
did not swell,
these forty years.'
[Deuteronomy 8:4]

***Yiddish: really
aggravating; stomach
churning.

****Yiddish: pronounced
'tuh-kas' meaning eh,
your butt.

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