Encouragement

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You shall not covet
your neighbor's
house.
[Exodus 20:17]
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"Hey, LORD?
Can You give me a RAISE?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

(Whine really loud.)
"Oh, come ON!
(Yell up at ceiling.)
Gimme a BREAK!"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"Child, what have we
discussed before?"

(Wrinkled squint.)
"Before what."

[FROWN.]
"You know."

"Uh, uh."
(Thoughtful double squint.)
"What: You mean about
that OTHER thing,
we talked about?"

[PATIENT FROWN.]

(Whine.)
"Well......L...O...R....D!
It could be, like,
a ZILLION THINGS!!
WHAT?"

"You know."

(Look up at air vent with
the attention of a five-year-old.)
"Eh........hey, LORD?
Did You see that picture
of Leonardo Di Caprio
and Kate WINSLET?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"That one from their
new movie TOGETHER?"

[SILENCE.]

"Man, that's 2 good-lookin'
people, AIN'T it?"

[NOD.]

"It's not fair."

[DISAPPROVING LOOK.]

"So......what happened to
ME? HUH?"

[STERN FROWN.]
"Read My Word,
child."

"Why.
(Squint.)
Is there somethin' about
LEONARDO, in there?"
(Shake head.)
OY, that's a GOOD-lookin'
man!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Like my Mom used to
say whenever she saw
Tom Jones singing on
TV:
'Da's 'n SHANEKAH*!"

[SMILE!]
[CHUCKLE!]

"So, eh.......HOW come
I don't look like KATE?"

"I'm waiting,
My precious."

"For what.
(Scratch scruffy head.)
What: for your rather
n'er-do-well child
to read Your WORD?
(Look up at ceiling.)
But, what's THAT gonna DO?"

"Everything, My beloved."

(Cynical shrug.)
"Well.......it certainly ain't
gonna turn me into Kate WINSLET,
or.....gimme a RAISE!"

[PATIENCE OF A LOVING FATHER.]

(Cynical snort.)
"THAT'S for darn SURE!"

"What do I say about
envy, child."

"Yeah, but that's only
about NEIGHBORS,
LORD!"
(Thoughtfully spooning raspberry
sherbet.)
"Actually, I DO envy my neighbor!
She's in ALASKA, right now!
And, it's stinkin' HOT down HERE!"

[GAZE AT PLUTO,
FOR A MOMENT.]
"Look at My Word, child."

"Yeah....I bet SHE'S seen
the aurora LIGHTS!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"So THERE!"

[GENTLE VOICE.]
"You are My child,
beloved."
[PAUSE.]
"And, that
should be enough."

(Pout.)
(More pouting.)
(Silence.)

[SILENCE.]

(Philosophical shrug.)
(Solemn nod.)
(Reverent look up at ceiling fan.)
"Lord, just forget the raise.
I'd rather be Kate Winslet,
instead."

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"OKAY?"

"We'll see, child."
[PATIENTLY SMILE.]
"We'll see."
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You shall love the Lord
your God
with all your heart,
and with all your soul,
and with all
your mind.
[Matthew 22:37]

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*Yiddish: you figure
it out.

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