Marriage

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As a former agnostic, I always regarded marriage as something people did because it was a societal requirement with no further implications. To me, you either got married because somebody was pregnant, fear of somebody’s father, or because you thought you might be in love, but never for any substantial reason that warranted seriousness. I always said I’d never be married, and that was probably because like most of twenty-first century culture, it was insignificant to me. If I happened to fall in love, then, well, I could just live together with someone seeing as that was, and still is more then socially acceptable. Play house and skip the formalities.

Then I came to know Jesus Christ, and a year after that I met a woman in an online Christian group, and we developed a relationship. I am from Canada and she is American, so the distance was immediately a concern the closer we became. However, our relationship progressed to the point where a face to face meeting was arranged, and one year after we met online, I flew to the United States to finally see her. Instantaneously we hit it off, and it didn’t take us long to decide that we truly wanted to spend the rest of our lives together as husband and wife.

This brought me to a realization about marriage that I never saw before I found Christ. She had been married before, but for me, I was now going to undertake something I had passively mocked for much of my life. But only out of ignorance, did I scoff before at something I began to gradually understand the more I studied God and his word.

Firstly, God taught me that marriage is not a societal institution, but is something ordained by God himself:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”

The act of a man and a woman coming together for a lifelong commitment was God’s idea. I always viewed marriage to be something man invented because we needed to feel stable or secure, or that we thought it was the moral avenue to take. But when I learned that my creator desired this arrangement for men and women, my outlook changed decidedly. As a Christian, and as a human being, I don’t need any other reason to marry the woman I love in a lifelong commitment, other then that’s simply what God wants.

Secondly, God taught me that when I married Deanna, she was to become part of me–one flesh. A lot of non-Christians and even Christians refuse to leave their individualism and independent spirits behind when they get married. They sign all sorts of prenuptial agreements and pursue personal goals that are not, in God’s eyes, top priority. In your marriage, your top priority next to reverence for God is your husband/wife. That’s what God means in genesis 2:24; I am my wife and my wife is me–one flesh. It isn’t 50-50, it’s 100-100; and your needs come second to the one you’re married to(Ephesians 5:33).

Thirdly, God taught me that if Christ was not the centerpiece of any marriage, then the marriage itself is in vain. The bible teaches that Christ is the giver of life, so if your marriage is to survive, Christ must be honored and sought by both husband and wife. Your marriage is much like your Christian walk : you build it’s foundation upon rock(Matthew 7:24). A marriage without Christ is a marriage of sand because it’s footing is unstable, and when difficulties arise there’s no solid rock to lean on for support.

I’m convinced that when Christians get divorced, it is because either one or both parties refuse to work hard enough towards reconcilement, or Christ was not honored, or ignored, making way for sin or apathy to destroy the marriage. Any marriage where Christ is at the helm cannot possibly be dismantled. David Wilkerson, who wrote "The Cross and the Switchblade" once said of Christian divorce that it is isn't a communication problem, or a commitment problem, it's a Jesus problem. Like 1 John 5:12 tells us, he who has the son has life. I believe that rings true not only for a person's salvation, but also for their marriage.

Whenever I think of Deanna now, usually it is accompanied by a thought about Christ. I think for me that’s because Christ not only saved me and washed away my sins, but joined me to a woman, and arranged for me to live as a husband in a union he invented. Since God created marriage, there’s little doubt he also brings people together in marriage.

This is the main reason why he hates divorce so much because man tears apart something he put together(mark 10:9); usually for reasons that are completely avoidable. If only more people understood the true origin and true purpose of marriage, then more of them would survive. If they only saw it as more then just a formal agreement about their intention to love one another. I can swear to love my wife, but if my love for her is defined only by an oath, and my definition of love is simply obligation, then my marriage is likely not to last. Too many people get married because they think they have to, and it is this reason why more then 50% of marriages fail, because if getting married is treated nonchalantly, then so too will divorce.

I don't care much for the phrase "traditional marriage" because marriage isn't about tradition; it's about honoring God. It is much more spiritual then it is cultural or moral, and I can thank my creator that I now know the real meaning and purpose of marriage. I have moved to the United States where I am undergoing the thorough process of becoming an American citizen. No more an agnostic, the truth and calling for marriage is now plain to me, and I am now newly married to a wonderful woman God has joined me to; and we shall be one flesh.

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