World Affairs

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When you come
to the land
which the Lord
your God
gives you,
and you possess it
and dwell in it,
and then say,
I will set a king
over me, like
all the nations
that are
round about me.
[Deuteronomy 17:14]
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(Author's note: "Yamakah" is the
Yiddish pronunciation for the
Jewish headcap, or 'Yarmulke'.
'Bris' is the celebration of
the baby boy's circumcision.)
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"Hey, LORD?
(Laugh!)
Do Ya think he's gonna
get BAR MITZVAH'D, NOW?"

[DISAPPROVING SILENCE.]

"HUH, LORD?"

[STERN FACE.]

"WHA'D YA THINK?"

[PAUSE.]
"Child....."

(Laugh!)
"YEAH?
WHAT?"

[STERN FROWN.]

"Yeah, LORD?"

[REPROACHFUL SILENCE.]
"Child, are you reading
My Word?"

"Sure.
REMEMBER?
(Squint innocently up at air vent.)
I was just There, TODAY!
REMEMBER?
When I was talkin' about that
book about the purposeful LIFE?"

[NOD.]

"Well.....I guess, TECHNICALLY,
it was YESTERDAY. But....."

[REBUKATIVE SILENCE.]

"Aw, COME on, LORD!
I can't HELP it!
It's HYSTERICAL!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Hey, LORD?
(Smile!)
Do Ya think he's gonna
CONVERT to JUDAISM,
NOW?
(Chuckle!)

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"WELL?
WHY NOT?
Heck.....he's been just about
every OTHER religion.....HUH?
Hey, but isn't that the
AMERICAN WAY?"
(Smile!)

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Child, is this how you
spend time with your LORD?"

"Ya mean: cracking POLITICAL
JOKES? Well......
SURE!
HEY!
I'M an
AMERICAN!
And, a POOR one, at THAT!
And....a poor, JEWISH one!
Naturally, the first thing
I'm gonna WONDER is if
the candiate wore a Yarmulke,
or NOT!"

[SOLEMN NOD.]

(Very solemn, squinting frown.)
"Seriously, Lord.....
(Curious whisper up at the air vent.)
Do Ya think he's been....
(Whisper.)
CIRCUMCISED?"

[VERY PATIENT SIGH OF A LOVING FATHER.]

(Big smile up at ceiling.)
WHAT?
What d'Ya WANT me talkin' to You ABOUT?
(Innocent look!)
I mean, You don't
want me kvetchin' about
Your Terrible Treatment of the
Poor POLAR BEARS, again....
DO Ya?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"HUH, LORD?"

[SILENCE.]

"Aw!
Come ON!
This is an ELECTION YEAR!
Where's Your Sense a' HUMOR?"

[SILENCE.]

"And......JEWISH HUMOR,
at that?"

[SMILE.]

"I can't stand it, Lord!
I really can't STAND it!
It's just too MUCH!"
(Laugh!)

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"SO?
NU?
Wha'd Ya THINK?
Ya think we're gonna
have a JEWISH President....
after ALL?"
(Smile!)

"Child?"

(Laughing.)
"YEAH, LORD?"

"Go to sleep."

(Laughing.)
"HEY, LORD?"

"Yes, My precious?"

"What about the BRIS?
When d'Ya think THAT'S
gonna be?"
(Laughter!)

[FROWNING SILENCE.]
"Goodnight, child!"

"Nite, LORD!"

[SMILE.]
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You may indeed
set as king
over you
him whom
the Lord
your God will choose.
[Deuteronomy 17:15]

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