Prayers

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But when you pray
go into your room
and shut the door
and pray to your
Father
Who is in secret;
and your Father
who sees
in secret
will
reward you.
[Matthew 5:6]
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"LORD!
I just feel TERRIBLE!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"What now,
My beloved."

"My FAN!
MY new FAN!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"I BROKE it!
I BROKE IT!"

[NOD.]

"Why, LORD?
WHY?"

[SLOW NOD.]
"What is more important,
little one?"

"Eh.......I dunno.
WHAT?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Ya mean.......like,
HEAVEN, and STUFF?"

[PATIENT SMILE.]

"Yeah, but.......L..O..R...D!
(Whiny voice.)
I wasn't brought UP, that WAY!
(More whining.)
The JEWS don't TALK about
that stuff!"

"I know, My beloved."

(Impatient shrug.)
"At least......not at the
SYNAGOGUE I WENT to!"
(More shrugging.)

[SMILE!]
"What did you learn,
child?"

(Thoughtful squint.)
(More squinting.)
"Eh, eh.............that Haman
wore a three-cornered HAT?"
(Smile!)

[CHUCKLE.]
"How do you know that,
My beloved?"

"CUZ!
Cuz, at Purim, all the little
kids got a three-cornered COOKIE!
CALLED HAMANTASHAN!
THAT'S WHY!"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"Didn't You KNOW that,
LORD?
(Squinty look up at ceiling.)
I thought You LIVED,
back THEN?"

[CHUCKLE.]

"So.....eh, LORD?
Are You gonna fix
my FAN?
(Woeful look upwards.)
Hey!
Come on, LORD!
It cost me twelve BUCKS!"

[SILENCE.]

"WELL?
Didn't Ya hear my PRAYER
about IT?"

"Yes, My beloved."

"WELL?"

[IRRITATING SILENCE.]

"Did I just waste a PRAYER?"

"No, My sweet beloved."

"Oh.
(Downcast face.)
I guess that means You're not gonna
fix it, huh."
(Sorrowful frown.)
(Woeful sigh.)

[REPROVING LOOK.]
"How can you waste a prayer,
My precious?"

"Well.....yeah, but if I'm
not gonna get it ANSWERED,
what's the use of SAYIN' IT?"

[FROWNING NOD.]
"Child, what is most important?"

(Sip some generic rootbeer.)*
"Eh.....Oh! I KNOW!
(Smile up at air vent.)
I KNOW, LORD!
(Wave puny hands up at ceiling.)
I KNOW!
I KNOW!"

[INFITISMALLY PATIENT SILENCE.]

"That.....EVERYBODY around
the WORLD pick one moment THIS
WEEK to drive 20 MILES AN HOUR?
Just to STICK their NOSES
up at OPEC?"

[PATIENT FROWN.]

"WELL?
HEY!
I think that's a great IDEA, LORD!
What d'Ya SAY, LORD?
HUH?"

"Child....."

"I know!
I KNOW!
(Wave hands away.)
I KNOW!
(Impatient frown.)
It's not what You wanted to
HEAR!"

[MORE PATIENT FROWNING.]

"I never SAID I was a goody-TWO-shoes,
LORD!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"YEAH!
That's RIGHT!
I'm MAD!"

[SHAKE OF THE HEAD.]
[GENTLE VOICE.]
"Is this praying,
little one?"

"Well.....yeah!
(Philosophical shrug.)
Hey, if I'm NOT
gonna get my PRAYERS
answered, ANYWAY.....
I may as give 'em
a little PERSONALITY!"

[GENTLE CHUCKLE.]

"SO?
(Squint up at ceiling.)
Ya gonna fix my FAN?
Or, WHAT?"
(Impatient grimmace.)

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"Read My Word, child."

"Ya mean....the Lord's PRAYER?"

[SLOW NOD.]

"Yeah....okay.
The only problem is,
It doesn't say anything
about FANS, in there!"

[PATIENT SILENCE OF A LOVING FATHER.]

"So....LORD?
What d'Ya think
of my IDEA?"

"Which one, My beloved?"

"Ya know: about everybody
around the world slowing down
for the same moment - just
to protest AGAINST OPEC?"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"Yeah....You're right;
it would never work.
(Sorrowful sigh.)
One 'a these days, Lord....
all 'a us are gonna have to
get united against all the
baddies of this world."

[WISE ALL-KNOWING NOD.]
"Yes, little one.
One Day."
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Our Father
Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day
our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
As we also have forgiven
our debtors;
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us
from evil.
[Matthew 5:9-13]

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*Due to the high cost of gas,
the author has had to give up
certain luxuries. One of them
has been her beloved A&W.

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