Fiction

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HOT SUMMER EVENING

I had survived a hot summer day and was looking forward to the evening when things around me cool down. But this year’s summer seemed very persistent. It had no intentions of cooling down even late in the evening. There seemed to be a slack in the atmosphere around. The birds were tired. I wondered whether they will reach home safely or will they fall asleep then and there due to the intense heat..

Its pure, dry heat. Very tiring. Slowly as the evening sets in and it starts getting dark.
The hot winds slow down. But the degrees are still high. I put on my sandals and decide a walk in the garden just behind my house. It’s a nice garden. Quiet and peaceful. Lots of nature is enclosed in this small piece of land. I simply love the moments spent here.

There are two benches in the garden. It’s a small garden. My favourite pastime was always to go and sit in the garden with an interesting book to accompany me but today I didn’t have any book with me. It was just me & myself.

Since lately, life had been busy. I couldn’t point out as to why it was so busy as I didn’t do anything other than go to my job, come back eat, sleep, then again get up, go, come….
And so on. But I missed being with myself. Sometimes I just yearned to sit quietly and think ‘what the hell is going on?’ but I didn’t find time for even that. Today I had the luxury of thinking for myself. Had my beloved solitude with me.

I started working 8 months ago. Had just completed my college and wanted to work as I was so bugged up with studying. People around me insisted that I study further but I had a mind of my own and I wanted to work. So be it. It didn’t matter what work I did, whether it was of my interest or no, whether it suited me or no, I just had to work, had to earn, had to keep myself busy. I wanted to see how the world is outside the secure wings of my house.

Yes work fulfilled most of my expectations and paid me well but took away my life from me. Now my life, ,my time no longer belonged to me. It belonged a part to my profession, a part to my family, a part to my friends and after all these shares were fulfilled there was nothing left for me. How ironic.

Till then I never knew how much people wanted to be with me. In school and college days when I had all the time in the world I was left alone with myself as everyone had something or the other to do and now when there was such a shortage of time the same people crib that I don’t spend time with them. And me being a very kind-hearted person could not refuse to give that time to them. So, in retrospect, I was able to find some time for myself after 8 long months. Whew! Missed you.

When I look back, these 8 months along with lots & lots of work were a whirlwind of emotions. Emotions which were felt but not analysed. Happiness, sorrow, excitement all came and went in a matter of seconds. Nothing stayed long enough that could reach my heart, that could be held, cherished. The 8 months just slipped.

Mature & experienced people around me said this is the time when careers are made but such time has been there since the time I entered my schools. I knew this was the time when I have to decide what I am going to do with my life. But will these few days decide my life? Then what will I do the rest of my life? No. no. no. now I will decide how to decide for the rest of my life. I worked for money all these months, but in return lost myself. Now I wanted to work for myself, and m sure won’t feel sorry even if I lost money in turn.

But what is it that I want to do. Tough question. Not yet decided. Actually I know what I want to do but it didn’t sound quiet comforting. I wanted to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. There should be no restrictions of time, processes or thoughts. This was the sketch of my dream job. But where will I find such a job. Nothing seems to fit the boundaries of my job. Everyone wanted me to work as they want and only then will they recruit me. What utter crap!!! Didn’t they know it was me who was going to decide with whom I am going to work. But alas! I was not able to find even 1 suitable employer other than myself.

So, now I know. I am my own employer.

Thanks my garden. Thanks my bench. Thanks my nature for being a part of this memorable evening. Thank you all very much.

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