Healing

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I have asked God to help me. I asked: help me reclaim myself. I want to feel happy with my life again. I asked for help.
I asked for strength. I asked that I be given help with my troubled mind.

This is not entirely true. What I did was thank god for helping me resist my mind’s penchant" its inertia toward disapproval, self-hatred, self-doubt, self-pity and self-loathing. I don't want my habitual self disapprobation. It has hurt me.

I thanked god for allowing my mind to quiet. I thanked god for helping me to allow myself to accept my life; to live again.

I need to reclaim my life.

Reclaim it from the doldrums of guilt. To reclaim it from this downward spiral. I want to live again. Fully. To smile with equanimity. In peace.

I need to live again.
Or just die.

Because this is no life.

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