Politics

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You shall
have a place
outside
the camp
and you shall
go out to it.
[Deuteronomy 23:12]
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"Hey, LORD?"

"Yes, child?"

"My friends think I'm too
irreverent with YOU! What'd
Ya THINK?"

[LONG PAUSE.]
"Listen to them, child."

"Yeah, but.......I can't be like
THEM! HEY! I'M NO SAINT!
Never WAS!"

"Oy vey."

"YEAH!
YOU BET!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Hey, LORD?
What about PRINCE CHARLES?"

[PATIENT SQUINT.]
[PATIENT SMILE.]

"Ya know: for PRESIDENT!"

"He is from England,
My precious."

"SO?
So WHAT?
He dresses up real GOOD,
knows all the bigwigs, Ya know:
that Presidents hav'ta
TALK TO.....is very concerned
about the ENVIRONMENT, and
he's got a real GROOVY ACCENT!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes, My precious."

"HEY! I think I'm gonna
put HIS name on the BALLOT!"

[SOLEMN NOD.]

"The problem is......most of
us Americans are already
SICK of all these darn
CANDIDATES! ECH!!
They're all a bunch 'a
millionaire YAHOOS!"

"Well said,
My child."

"WELL?
Hey, can You imagine
Mrs. MCCAIN drivin'
a dirty, rattling,
ten year old
CAR to Walmart for some
CHEAP TOILET PAPER?
Cuz, she's gotta spend all
her GOOD toilet paper
money on GASOLINE?
WELL?
Hey, LORD?
Do You think she's ever
BEEN in a WALMART?
Do Ya think she PUMPS
her own GAS?"

"You're upset,
child."

"YOU BET, LORD!
ESPECIALLY about THE
CHEAP TOILET PAPER!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Child?"

"YEAH, LORD?"

"Why is your car dirty?"

"CUZ!"
THAT'S WHY!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"I understand."

"CUZ!
I LIKE IT THAT WAY!
I'M ON A CAR WASH STRIKE!
CUZ OF THE GAS PRICES!"

[NOD.]

"I think EVERY CAR in
AMERICA should not wash
their CAR!
UNTIL THE GAS PRICES
COME DOWN!
SO THERE!"

"I hear you,
My beloved."

"YEAH!
YOU BET!"

[NOD.]

"SO?
Wha'd Ya think of my
PRINCE CHARLES idea?"

[CHUCKLE.]
"Child: he is English."

"Yeah, but.....so WHAT?
We've got GOVERNORS
from GERMANY!
BIG DEAL!
EVERYBODY from America's
from ANOTHER COUNTRY!
(Smile up at air conditioning vent.)
I mean, he's a millionaire too,
but......he's never been in a
FIGHT with Hillary,
Ya KNOW?
He's already got a TUX!
Plus......he's got a real
SEXY ACCENT!"

"I understand,
My beloved."

"YEAH!
YOU BET!"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"Child?"

"YEAH, LORD?"

"Read My Word."

"Why.....does it say somethin'
about washin' CARS,
in There, LORD?"

"No, child.
But, it says something......"

"YEAH, LORD?"

"About: Me."
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And you shall
have a stick
with your weapons;
and when you sit down
outside,
you shall dig a hole
with it,
and turn back
and cover up
your excrement.
Because
the Lord
your God
walks in the midst
of your camp,
to save you.......
therefore
your camp must be
holy,
that He may not see
anything indecent
among you,
and turn away
from you.
[Deuteronomy 23:13-14]

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