Christian Living

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Larry Lilly's Letter Thursday May 8, 2008

I often get mail from folks who comment on the wonderful marriage Joyce, known affectionately as The Great Blonde, and I enjoy. These poor souls fail to recognize that much of my bragging on her is a manipulative tool designed by me to get out of the dog house. One canary like woman asked how we have managed to live all these years without so much as an argument. I was too stunned to answer. To live, in the married condition for near 44 years without a fight? Ain’t gonna happen.

Get me right, our theology teaches us the higher path of the woman always saying, "Oh, yes dear, anything you want is perfect with me." This looks alright on paper or computer screen, and the wife of my youth often utters the words. I do not possess the skill of a master writer; therefore I am at a loss as to just how to communicate the effect of voice tone on the above words. Should I bold "you?" Perhaps "dear?" or would a little "huff" at the end of the statement suffice to let you know that though the words are uttered, only a newly married fool would believe them to be sincere truth.

When Joyce and I began our marriage I suspected from the outset that she believed she was smarter than me, and thus I should submit, or at least recognize her superior mind and ask for her opinion on things. It did not take long for this to devolve to her getting to make all of the minor decisions and me, the really serious ones. We haven't had a serious decision in years. A few weeks ago I did complain about the feminine décor in our bedroom, as when I was vacuuming, each time I turned, I would knock a knick knack off of a little shelf. The dear girl I married so long ago suggested that if I wanted to sleep in a more masculine environment there is always the garage. Sometimes I think she is smarter than me or at least quicker on the trigger.

I get mail all the time from people who are worried to death about the children seeing or hearing them fighting. They erroneously think this will warp the minds of the little darlings. I thank God I saw some world class bickering between Mom and a few stepfathers. Due to this childhood trauma I was adequately prepared when The Great Blonde erupted shortly after our vows. To showcase my utter stupidity I attempted to assuage her rage by proving beyond a shadow of doubt that I was right. What a gargantuan mistake. I had hurt her feelings, and no fact could ever change that. She seems to understand the secret female version of the Bible and she uses this arcane knowledge to the max. Something about me loving her like Jesus loved the church and gave Himself for it. And here is the man who made all sorts of promises who is more concerned about being right than married. Any village idiot knows a man cannot be both. Like I said, she is smart.

My children are married and doing well. And I'm sure they fight. You can tell when you call or just drop in. But they get over it, and therefore I do thank the Lord that Joyce and I set an example for them though sometimes it was painful doing so.

I have long admired the simple honesty of the great Appalachian American, Loretta Lynn on the subject of marriage. Loretta said:

"I've been married to the same man for all this time. The way we fight sometimes, you can tell."

Larry Lilly Copyright © 2008 Use with credit.

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