Humor

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The Creation
©
by

Stephen A. Peterson


As we all know, the Lord created the heavens and earth and everything in it. Now on the first day, the Lord created the cow. The Lord then said, “Cow you must help man each day, suffer under the hot sun or freezing snow, suffer the pain of having calves for his hamburgers and give humankind milk to drink and make cheese, ice cream and butter. So as your reward, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow responded, “Wow, Lord, that’s really nice of you! However, Lord the tasks you’ve given are a really difficult life. You want me to live sixty years like that? Whoa! Lord, just let me have twenty years and I’ll give you back the other forty!”

“Well, alright!” said the Lord.

On the second day of creation, the Lord created dog. The Lord said, “You should sit around man’s house and bark at anyone or anything that comes around. As your reward for your faithful service to man, I will give you thirty years of life! So live long and prosper!”

“Gosh!” said dog. “That’s an awful long time to just lie around and bark at people and things! How ‘bout if I took fifteen years and I give you back the other fifteen.”

The Lord reluctantly agreed.

On the third day, the Lord created the monkey. The Lord said, “Monkey, your job will be to wear a monkey suit, do monkey tricks and make humankind laugh. So for your reward for your labors, I will give you forty years of life!”

“Ah, well!” said the monkey and thought for a moment then responded, “Geez, Lord, you call that living? I’m just the butt of man’s entertainment. How ‘bout I gave you back twenty years?”

Once again, the Lord reluctantly agreed.

Now on the fourth day, the Lord created man. The Lord said, “Sleep, eat, play, be fruitful, multiple and replenish the earth! Do nothing in my welfare state but enjoy yourself and have fun, fun, fun in the garden that I have fashioned for you! Because you are in my image and likeness, I’ll reward you with eighteen years of life!”

Man responded, “Huh! All I get is eighteen years? Aw come on, Lord! Let’s negotiate! Lord, how ‘bout it if I take my eighteen years, the forty years of the cow, the fifteen years of the dog, and the twenty years of the monkey! They didn’t want their years. That makes more than ninety years, Lord! Is it alright, Lord? Can I have ’em, Lord, Please?”

“Well, oh, alright!” said the Lord

“And can I have a little free will with that Lord?” asked man.

“”Don’t push your luck! Oh, well, yes!” responded the Lord.

So now you know why for the first eighteen years humankind sleeps, eats, acts stupid and does nothing! Then for the next forty years works, slaves in back breaking, mind boggling, out in left field jobs to support themselves and their family. And then spends the next twenty years doing monkey tricks entertaining our friends, family and grandchildren. And then the last fifteen years of life spent sitting around in the front of the house watching some sporting thingy on television, fussing, cussing and barking at anything that comes around the house!

Thus did the Lord and He saw that it was and is interesting! And He rested for two weeks.

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