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”If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. “
John 15:10


Saying ‘Yes’ to His Will calls for a lot more than passionate lip service. It often necessitates a death unto self. Yet after all He has done for me, how can I possibly deny my sovereign God the authority that He so rightfully deserves over my life? If He is indeed my everything, as I claim He is, then it follows naturally that I must bow my will to His. Even though I may not fully understand, I must blindly accept that He, in His divine omniscience, foreknows best.

While I may have always loved the Lord for the ten plus years that I have known Him, admittedly, I have not always allowed Him to rule supremely over my life. Often times, His Spirit has reminded me of the fallen state of my first love for Him. I remember there was a time when I was most eager and willing to say ‘Yes, Lord yes, to Your Will and to Your Way’. But I never grasped the true implications of such a promise, nor did I realise that God would later require me to live up to my pledge. Over the past two years, I have been resisting His Will and in the process I went back on my promise to God. I suppose that is what attributes Him such divinity as the eternal promise keeper because every word and promise He utters, He surely fulfils, in His own appointed time.

Two years ago, I embarked upon a journey of rebellion and self-will. Thus, I came to live by the dictates of my own carnal conscience. This pacified my spirit to believe that surely God could come to accept the one I had chosen as my intended, i.e. my non-believing partner. Surely God could look beyond his faithless heart, and that I would also be tolerant and accepting of our conflicting spiritual convictions. He, my non-believing partner, shared nothing of the passion and conviction I have for God. As such, I assumed two different roles. With my partner, I was my usual self except for the suppressed passion I have for Christ. Then suddenly, like a flood, came this urgent yearning in me to please Him who gave His all for me. I heard the Lord calling out to me as deep summons deep, and my spirit harkened unto Jesus as if my very life depended upon my obedience to Him. I sensed the urgency with which He expected me to respond and act, and so without too much deliberation, I met my partner and broke the news to him. I accepted that this is what I had to do. God required this of me, He had been patient with me for too long. Now I had to act. It was such a surreal experience that I realised I had surrendered my will to His without even realising how critical it had been for me to make this turn.

I will admit that it hurt miserably to break away from someone I had already begun to envision myself building a life with. It hurt even more to see him hurting so much as a result of my doing. Yet I met with no contention on his part, as he seemed resigned to his fate like a sheep to the slaughter. I wonder if this is due to his gentle nature or whether God had intervened in His own way and prepared his heart. I pray daily for God’s gentle Spirit to minister peace to his heart. Meanwhile, I continue to bask in His assurance that what I did pleased Him. After all, what does it profit a person to gain the world yet lose their life? I had to be true to myself and realise that without my Alpha and Omega, I labour in vain.

It is now my daily prayer to focus on His Will for my life. When I told friends and colleagues, some were a little understanding, but mostly, I met with objections and was told how intolerant I am. It did not matter, nor does it matter even now. Prior to this, God had told me it is time to get out of my place of comfort, and being acceptable to everyone had been one of my many comfort zones. I realise nothing else matters except to find favour with God. I am also driven by the hope that someday when all the saints give an account of their lives before His throne of Grace, I will attest to having abounded in His Will for my life. I hurt at the thought of how I have delayed the Father’s plan for my life. Yet, He allowed it for a purpose. I learned a lot. I learned that once Christ is in your heart, you live not to please yourself but to please Him. For without His favour, I can never truly experience enduring peace that surpasses all understanding.

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