Humor

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Mrs. Sally was finished with half of her most trying job for the day. She had picked her granddaughter up from School on the other side of town, and was entering the last leg of her return back home, getting on the Expressway.

The car in front of her seemed vaguely familiar. Yes! It was her Pastor driving leisurely along. He probably had just left the Church.
His car was nice and shiny clean as usual as he drove along listening, no doubt, to some very inspirational music.

Sally spied a bumper sticker on his car, “Honk If You Love Jesus.” So cute. Sally decided to catch up with her Pastor! She wanted to honk and let him know just how much she loved Jesus.

Carefully she maneuvered safely behind him. Then after a few seconds of waiting, with a strong right hand, she bore down firmly on the horn, honking loudly.

The Pastor’s car jerked forward erratically. His face had a look of shock and alarm as he peered at Sally in his rear view mirror, trying to understand the situation.

“He acts like he doesn’t know me! I’ll honk louder!” Sally honked again, this time mouthing the words,”I really love Jesus, Pastor!”
Drivers in nearby lanes craned their necks to see who was honking the horn so persistently. Traffic slowed momentarily, then took off! In the left lane, a big red 18 Wheeler with stylish silver horns quickly changed lanes and sped away from her.

The Pastor had a look of sheer terror on his face now as his eyes darted around trying to see how he could get away, too. Cars were scattering all around, running from Sally! Honk! “I love Jesus, Pastor!”

From the back a tiny voice said, “He’s scared of you, Grandma!”
Scared?
Six year olds. What do they know….
“That’s not true, honey. That’s my Pastor.”
The child stuck her thumb in her mouth and began to rock back and forth in her booster seat.

Sally honked loudly once more. The Pastor, now wide eyed with fear, saw a quick opening, and changed lanes suddenly, thinking he‘d gotten away. Sally expertly and carefully, whipped in the lane right behind him again. Honk!"I love Jesus! I..."

Why doesn’t he wave--or at least honk back? Puzzled, she then saw some very strange body language from her Pastor. He was scrunched way down in his seat rigidly his eyes shifting back and forth nervously at her car. The baby was right...
Geez…Maybe …he was …scared.
Mighty man of valor… Hmnn.

Sally was frustrated and embarassed about the whole thing. “Oh I hope he is not REALLY afraid of me. I’ve got to catch up now to show him who I am!” She started rolling down the window so he could see her more clearly. Honk!

“No! He’s scared of you Grandma! You look different today.”
“What?”
“You look different than you do on Sundays.”
“Oh Pleaaaase!”
“Yes, Grandma, your hair is different and all…”

Sally glanced in the mirror. Her reflection shocked her. Hoo Boy! She had been wearing a stocking cap on her hair this week to make it lie down neatly. Her scarf had fallen off her head and the tight shiny gauze looking stocking cap did make her look, well, rather looney. She had been meaning to cut the legs off but had forgotten. Still the stocking cap was on her head, not her face!

Sally put her scarf back on over her stocking cap, tucking the dangling leg parts nicely under the edge of the scarf. Now back to…but when she looked again, her Pastor had changed lanes and sped away, exiting the Expressway at a high rate of speed! Oh well… Maybe she’d explain things to him a bit later.

The next Sunday, in the middle of the sermon, the Pastor began to tell the congregation about a scary situation that happened to him on the Expressway. He said he thought it was Road Rage, but he wasn’t sure. Sally caught her breath and listened guiltily. He went on to tell them that a crazed woman wearing pantyhose on her head had stalked him, harassing him, but he managed to get away. Crazed? Crazed?

A man sitting on the pew beside her looked at her, shook his head and said something about, ‘what a shame it was that people are so crazed nowadays.’
“Tell me about it,“ Sally mumbled..."...crazed."
Continuing, the Pastor strongly warned the congregation to be on the lookout for a crazed woman wearing a stocking cap on the highway for the next week. She felt a ripple of fear pass through the congregation.

Sally slumped in her seat. Oh Lord…

Crazed. Hmmph. She felt so misunderstood.
Unusual looking…maybe. Strange, even. But crazed?
Oh Lord, why do bad things sometimes happen when you’re just trying to do something nice?

After church, Sally thought it best not to get in line to shake the Pastors hand before leaving.
She made a mental note not to honk ‘cause she loved Jesus on the Expressway anymore.
She also made a point to pray for her Pastor extra hard this week. There were things in her heart that needed to be dealt with.

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