Fiction

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Her name was Mandlyn Davidson for many reasons she preferred and only answered to Mandy. She had turned eighteen less than a month ago, this acceleration in age had produced nothing more than she expected or even cared to want…
It was not difficult to see that she had inherited most of Mabel, her mother’s attractiveness. She had her mother’s clothes horse physical stature, an enviable facial structure, and eyes almost cat like that lit up whenever she smiled although rarely done. Mandy also mirrored her mother’s intelligence, determination and slightly ruthless nature. Genetics and physical make up aside however were the fullstop in this mother and daughter relationship.
From early on in Mandy’s life she had become forcefully aware that she was nothing more than a travelling companion of her mother travelling almost the ‘length and breath’ of America. She had experienced and accepted the habitual lifestyle of living out of suitcases in places that on departure she willed to quickly forget.
As Mandy grew up she developed a dislike for authoritative figures after all where were they in her time of need? Couldn’t they see that a nine year old given a choice would not willingly choose to steal from the local supermarkets? Didn’t they know that at fourteen she was too young to dance for a price? Who prevented her from being treated like this? Why was it that people in authority always made reference to her in her full name, while every one else would be addressed on a first/last name basis. What use was anyone in authority to her? Yes, she had decided early on that they should not to be respected.
Mandy was popular amongst her peers, always being first to do what other girls her own age would quickly back away from would had won her admiration from both sexes. Despite this however she chose not to attach herself to any group in particular preferring to be seasonal with her friendships.
Mandy’s wants were simple - a clear desperation for love, approval and acceptance, her outlook on life however counteracted her needs, dry scepticism towards people, lack of trust and an unhealthy distaste for authority. Mandy was developing daily characteristics that could only be interpreted as the seed for a growing destructive lifestyle.
Screaming and shouting that quieted only to be replaced by long drawn out periods of silence between Mandy and her Mother was fast becoming common place. Mandy’s resilience during this period her strange behaviour (unknowingly subconscious prowl) was noted by her mother and hugely detested. She vowed to let Mandy know in no uncertain terms what she thought of her and how much she disapproved of her heavily made up face and attire that prompted no one to use their imagination. Although wearied, she had long accepted that home would offer only the comforts of a warzone; minimum hours sleep in between shouts and battles. She worked hard at her grades in School an ‘A student,’ excelled in computer studies and drama with her fearless and vivacious character and developed a passion for all kinds of literatures, especially Shakespe and the Bible, with excellent exam results, yet her mother expected more or was it as Mandy often feared less? Whatever it was Mandy knew it was only another spark that would ignite between herself and her mother…
Prior to her vivid dreams of far away places and a mentor appearing in it; another move, another feeling of displacement, Mabel met and married a shy man called John, in the late autumn, and decided without consulting her that a move to Ontario, Canada, John’s place of work was imminent. The change of scenery was not welcomed by her. She definitely felt smaller surrounded by the vastness and white carpeted highways, streets and gardens which had snow as high as fences in some areas. The weather and reserve attitudes of the blandly dressed teens in her class made it difficult for her to easily adjust and home was no better, as her mother only had eyes for her new husband and once again Mandy’s existence was viewed as nothing more than baggage.
As the weather changed with its seasons so Mandy’s attitudes to her environment ajusted; the first spring accompanied with buds and apple blossom, the hint of fresh flowers followed by summer with various holiday attractions now open. Then another chilly autumn with bright, yellow, orange and red leaves waiting to vacate their trees; she was beginning to enjoy her home in Canada. She became settled in school but this feeling was somewhat alien to her and at times promoted great restlessness and unease inside, as her dreams became more factual. For the first time that she could remember she longed to form friendships she would only read about, however it was not to be. Mandy for her peers in Canada was a passing phase, the ‘savvy wild girl ’who appealed only to those that chose a chaotic lifestyle and the relaxed ways of the majority of her peers bored her. It was only a matter of time and gradually she drifted into the only way of life that seemed to embrace her, a life full of theatrical behaviour and self inflicted drama. Then one fateful night, a night that couldn’t be forgotten, there in the darkness of her room, appeared on her darkened TV screen a light appeared and three unrecogniseable figures motioning to her, to her it was a warning.
The next day after her bizzar expience Mabel and John had concluded during this period (they spoke with each other just not to Mandy) that an ultimatum should be posed to her, this was done but she consistently stayed out. Fully knowing that such behaviour had harsh consequences she turned her back on rapid warnings and threats that were delivered to her, continually breaking every rule laid down by her parents (as she now
Mandy played with their emotions, often she would have them believing she had changed her ways. She hadn’t. She just was not in a rush to be pushed out of her home where she had a cosy room which she could lock herself in with her computer, and latest music equipment. Her mother who would never win the award for ‘Most patient mother’ began once again to grow tired of her daughter’s ways and deemed silence as the best way forward. Mandy noticed her mother’s withdrawn attitude and stepped up her rule breaking taking it to new heights by staying out later and inviting ‘friends’ into their home.
Mandy did not change even after graduating. Once again she was told that she must either abide by the household rules: No men in the house, No smoking, Prior warning to her girl friends staying over and to be scarce on Sundays that her mother could have some alone time with John Her mum suggested if she could not adhere to these rules that she should “Put those long legs of hers to use and walk out the family home”. She saw herself walking along an unfamiliar street pulling a heavy suitcase and someone in the distance shining a glaring light towards her.
She woke to hear only another meaningless threat from someone she neither respected nor liked. She continued to break her mother’s rules. Her mother told her to leave. “Oh that’s what the dream was about!”
Mandy’s grandparents had retired in Florida after thirty four and forty years respectively of hard work. They had heard about Mandy. They deliberated, but decided to contact her on her mobile and invited her to come and live with them in Florida, but of course they had a few conditions attached; “Continue your education and find a part-time job; home on time, phone home to be picked up after work and select respectable friends.” The deal was made via email to be signed with both signatures making it legal and binding. In desperation she agreed but it was only a calculated stop over as her passport to Florida. Mandy’s behaviour initially was exceptional. She helped around the house and responded well to the love of her grandparents. But the recurring turbulence during her sleep appears to be a sort of guiding light, something significant always happen after them (had the feeling she would get the job), but she spurned her instinct. It did not take long for Mandy to get a place in college and a part-time job.
Mandy started college and her part-time job in a boutique, fully honouring her grandparents’ contract. However it again seemed that over time Mandy would have a need to break the agreement made and engaged in habitual behaviour that her granparents viewed as negative. (A stability in her life had disappeared, she could see what was about to happen which the night had taken away, she longed for these dreams). Ignoring the dotted line she had signed she regularly choose to stay out late. Her grandfather warned her.
“You must be home not later than 11pm tonight. This is your first and last warning, ignore it and you are out.”
Mandy was outraged; she had never led the life of a child now they wanted her to act like one? She was seventeen years old yet she felt tired. Her hatred for her Mother resumed consuming her, as a result her nomadiclifestyle surfaced with a vengenage.
Mandy left her grandparents home in a ‘friend’s car as packed as sardines with just barely enough room for her to fit in. Her face was sullen set as storm clouds awaiting a down pour and as she made little effort to conceal her rage.
“Hey, unless there is another Mandy you’ve come to collect, I’m in the car willing and ready to leave the scene. Please let’s just get out of here”.
“What’s your problem?” asked Randy a guy she had met only three weeks earlier.
“Me? Nothing, everything is fine, I mean packing everything you own without a clue of the destination where you will be unpacking is completely normal so like I said I’m fine!! I should be use to this first my mother and stepfather and now it’s my grampa’s turn to decide he no longer wants me around”.
The next few weeks for Mandy were a blur. She was finding life incredibly difficult as day to day she was trying to find the next couch to lay her head down, juggling college assignments and deadlines whilst trying to appear lively and spirited at work. The only guiding spark in her life had disappered, just relentless darkness.
Finance also was an issue, no couch came free. Eventually she had to leave college and find full-time employment at a discount clothing store.

Was this what the world had to offer Mandy?

Reluctantly she contacted her maternal uncles (mother’s older brothers) and moved down to Texas, living with both uncles interchangeably, they were liberal in there attitude but Mandy felt a constraint none the less. Simply not saying “Yes, Ok” to Mandy posed a problem. She felt that the older generation all originated from the same old school mentatility with pointless rules that she had long left behind followed her. Eventually she left her uncles residence and moved in with new found friends, unconciousley in pursuit of her quest‘the real meaning of love, understanding and freedom.’
Now she had unlimited freedom many pleasures followed. She was able to go to the clubs whenever she felt the need and ‘meet and greet’ with whom she liked. This behaviour enabled her to encounter many heights of satisfaction although enjoyment could be questionable as chilling out alone in the day she would immerse in the depths of depression. She had no direction, restriction or love surrounding her. Within months the inevitable happened which she accepted only after the fifth test. She was pregnant. Alone engrossed by fear and deep in despair she decided she had nothing more to live for.
Mandy had craved freedom which she was fed momentarily before her dose of a bitter pill. She considered her dilemma and contemplated suicide, a pernament way out of her misery. She longed for a night of solace and recaptured her peaceful dream and her ‘guardian angel.’
Her melancholania set her in a mental spin, suddenly, Sunday school (a distant memory became her focal point), her memorable summer holidays in Texas with her maternal aunt (first born of the sibling) took her to Sunday school. Briefly, but one outstanding segment in her young life she had enjoyed. Mrs Rosemary, her class teacher, a good role model if ever there was one, always smartly dressed and had a smile even though her tolerance was minimal to disruptive behaviour. In restrospect those early days had impacted her life. She had fun during sessions in class, especially in the question and answer time, dealing with life’s issues; which were answered patiently and with sensitively by teachers. She began exiting class to wonder outside in the yard with other defectors, as boredom sets in and Sunday school became dry, her disruptive behaviour became intolerable. Mandy’s aunt discontinued the trek to Sunday school and vowed to pray for her daily. Why Sunday school played out on DVD in front of her, she rarely made contact with her aunt in Texas or thought about God for years? Why this mental drama? Why this Scripture text? “For God so love the world.”
Contemptuously, Mandy blurted out,
“God couldn’t love me, I’m too evil. Not even my mother or father, love me. I’m a big mistake, why was I BORN?” With a heavy heart sleep was her only utopia, as she settled down in her bed, barley closing her eyes she saw a man in a beautiful fawn suit, his face a colourless purity, could not be describe, she felt a piercing going through her being, the look of love in his eyes overwhelmed her. She was suddenly awake the wetness on her face had touched her pillow. She got up, dressed herself and an urge to just go, but where?
Her tears flowed, her vision blurred, Mandy grasped for the door latch with one hand to open and closed her front door, and with the other hand she wiped her tears she walked aimlessly to Como’s parking lot. She drove for miles through the darkness on to the highway, lights and signposts clearly pointing towards the direction of Lake Palestine (her finality). She turned right off the highway up a winding hilly area en route Palestine County through more darkness. She drove further through the city centre, her likely ideal place, housing a combination of shops, hills, woodlands, and dangerous alleys.
Music and singing in the distance as she drove towards a lighted area into the shopping area, more lights appeared and made the group of young people visible; she assumed were mobs or just having a good time (a street party). “They are up to no good, what are they doing there?” Yet again her erroneous opinion had the better of her; as she drew closer to the sound, these casually dressed, group of young people were playing their instruments and singing with much enthusiasm. There was something different about them, unlike the young people she knew, so she drove closer and heard the lyric of a song; it drew her attention - “I am a friend of God.” She stopped her car nearing the kerb and got out of the car. She stood on the pavement.
“I could do with a friend now, but such things do not exist.” She away from the group but near enough to see young people looking with such innocence and fresh appearance, feeling of resentment surfaced, yet a longing in her heart wanted what they had.
A couple of the young people walked over to her, while some mixed with other people standing around. The female name was Jane was the first to speak to her she asked “Are you okay?” She could not answer the question a lump bubbles up in her throat. The young man whose name was Hank inquired “Do you know Jesus loves you?” She resisted, her mouth was sealed; disturbed by the group‘s interrogations, an irritation irrupted, “Fakes, they are no better than me, who do they think they are? Who give you the right to interfere in my life? ”
“We love you, we were messed up kids and somebody shared love with us that’s why we share the love of Jesus to anyone who takes it.”
“Why we; Are you two married then?”
“No, not married, but brother and sister in the family of God, and you can join this family too!”
As they spoke, Mandy’s resistance began to lose grip, an empty feeling made a great hole within her; she felt confused and broken, both sides of her head pounding like a base drum she wanted it to go away, racing through her mind how could she grasp this love they talked about? She was silent, when the young lady spoke “You’re not a mistake,’ don’t every think you are.” That did it for Mandy, who never really experienced love and always thought, she was a mistake and shouldn’t been born.
Mandy broke down in tears as she related to them her ‘death wish’ that took her from Fort Worth to that area of Palestine. They walked her to her car and all three sat in the car, she talked and Jane and Hank listened to her intently without interrupting. She poured out the sad story of her life; about the strange dreams she had and felt that she had an angel guiding her.
She felt exhausted with months of emotional turmoil, her body reacted. Every pore in her was opened, and tears again filled her eyes; inwardly she felt a deluge had been broken and sobs had made themselves outward, then a brief silence, she asked “What am I going to do?”
Not waiting for an answer, more questions surfaced mentally; drained emotional her legs felt weak, her heartbeats were rapidly thumping through her blouse, her palms and face sweaty; then her disturbing storm abruptly subsided and she regained her composure, and she asked Jane and Hank “Does God really love me after all I did?”
Both voices reverberated “YES! God has a plan for your life, He will see you through, He will help you and so will we.
The effect of her encounter left her in a daze but a strong desire to live; a her future was still uncertain with her increasing problems, incredibly she had a hope that was not present two hours ago.
The group who spoke to her were unlike any of her peers she knew, and she was certain that God had sent them and so was her dreams; she had to admit He cared enough to show her an alternative. Her emotional battles still lay ahead, she had concluded there’s nothing more to lose, deep down she needed help! So Mandy went back with the group, to a shelter for young unmarried women.
Uncomprehending, but nothing short of a miracle! Mandy considered her age, only eighteen, with years ahead of her and the likelihood of a life growing inside her; her desire to live became uncontrollable. Her depressive state lifted and her mind was clear within a few minutes of conversing with these young people, her life had taken on new perspective, mentally she had turned around 180 degrees, not bent on extirpate life but to pursue true life.

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