Humor

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I had just finished reading a good book and was putting it back onto the shelf when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage came in the front door. The door slammed shut and I heard her declare, “There needs to be some changing around here.”

Oh, boy, I thought to myself. Here we go again. If anyone is the master of change, it is my wife. She changes things when there is absolutely no good reason for the change except, “I got tired of the way it looked.” My remedy is take a nap.

Personally, I hate change. It always comes at the most inconvenient time for me. Whenever I have to change a tire on my car, it is out in the middle of the road somewhere and I am in a hurry.

Change is annoying. Every time I change something, it is so unlike the thing it is replacing I have no idea how to work it. I have to take time out of my busy schedule of loafing and learn how this new thingamajig works. It never works like the old one.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some things I change. I change the oil in my car when it needs it. I change my underwear and socks whenever they fail the sniff test. But, that’s it. Everyone must draw a line in the sandbox and here is where I draw my line.

Some people talk about change and how good it would be, and how they love embracing change. Then when the change takes place, they complain. I complain as soon as anyone mentions the idea of change.

Now we are in a political cycle, which may be why so many people are dizzy. Every four years a new crop of politicians emerges with the groundbreaking news that America needs a change. These perceptive people also know the exact changes that need to be made and humbly offer their service in navigating such change for our benefit. Not only are most of these up-and-coming politicians soon history, they do not read history or they would not say some of the things they are saying.

One of these years some politician will arise from the people and say, “I like the way things are going and if elected I’ll do my best to keep things the way they are.” That person has my vote.

These politicians talk about change as though they invented the concept. Everything, according to their “spin,” is solved by making a change. Then when one of their political rivals changes their opinion about something they go into a tirade as though someone had committed unpardonable treason. Change is all right as long as it advances their agenda and puts their opponents in their place…far behind them in the polls.

If the truth were known, most only want to change their residence to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. and are willing to change their message everyday to achieve this goal.

Then, these observant politicians inform us “America is going in the wrong direction.” They also know, which should not surprise anyone, which way is the right direction. How they know this is anyone’s guess, in fact, I think they are guessing themselves. However, I am not so sure they know what they are talking about. America is in the same place it was when the Puritans bumped into these shores and shook hands with Native Americans who thought the Puritans were going in the wrong direction.

This is not bad enough. These self-appointed agents of change inform the public that the American people want a change. Who are these American people who want things changed? And, why are they so chatty to political wanna-bes? I believe things said in confidence should not spur a politician into action.

Of course, I can think of a change or two I may be interested in. For one, I would like to see a change in the role of the government in feeling my pain. Let these politicians get a handle on their own pain and let my pain alone. I have earned my pain now let me enjoy it. I just know that somewhere down this slippery slope of change, some politician will discover a way to tax my pain. Then they will really feel my pain.

Another change I might be interested in is changing a four-year-continuous presidential campaign into a crime punishable by permanent deportation. I’m thinking of Iraq where they need lots of change.

The biggest change that interests me is a little change left over after I’ve paid a king’s ransom to Uncle Sam. If some politician can figure out a way to change my “little” into non-taxable “much,” I would be interested.

I have had so much change in my life that an extended period of non-change would be a refreshing change. Someone said that the more things change the more they remain the same. Even the Bible echoes this sentiment. "Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil." (Jeremiah 13:23 KJV).

After all these thoughts ran their course through my head, I vaguely heard the chirping voice of my “Better Half.” “Did you hear what I said? There needs to be some changing around here.”

I groaned and braced for the ultimatum. “The light on the front porch needs changing,” she said.

I can live with that change.

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