Humor

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I never have to check the calendar to see if the Christmas season is approaching. As soon as the “season to be jolly” approaches all those jolly-challenged people begin their sniping. I think Jack Frost is nipping at more than their noses and some people are nipping at more than hot chocolate.

The Christmas season is filled with tradition. The newest tradition to arrive on bobsled is the annual war on Christmas. I wait for this annual tradition with baited breath. (Actually, it's eggnog.) In fact, I refuse to start putting up any Christmas decorations until the war begins. After all, protocol is important to me, and a tradition is a tradition.

It seems a little incongruent to me that those who are antiwar are usually the ones behind the war on Christmas. I guess war is okay depending on the person who starts it and what you are against.

It is hard to justify that the one time of year given to "good cheer" someone is complaining about the "good cheer." Of all the things in our world to complain about, I am surprised that this even registers on somebody's radar. How the war on Christmas trumps the war on poverty is something I guess I will never understand.

However, some "powers that be,” call a moratorium on all other areas of the world to complain about and condemn Christmas. Do not let this get around, but I believe that these complaining are somehow related to the Tribe of Nincompoops. It may be my imagination but it seems this tribe increases every year. The more they increase in number the more they decrease in intelligence.

Charles Dickens in his novel The Christmas Carol tried his best to destroy this tribe by having Ebenezer Scrooge converted. No question, Scrooge who hated Christmas became the biggest supporter of Christmas that ever was.

What Dickens does not reveal in his novel is that Ebenezer Scrooge, prior to his conversion, had an affair with the Wicked Witch of the West. This love child was named Nincompoop who begat the tribe of Nincompoops whose descendents are evidenced today. Their claim to fame, as it were, is that they hate Christmas.

I must point out, to their credit, that they do not hate everything about Christmas. Like every other hypocrite, they pick and choose what they like and what they hate.

Of course, everybody knows what they hate about Christmas. But what they do not want you to know is what they really like about Christmas.

For example, those who hate Christmas and are offended by the idea of it are never offended by Christmas Day off with pay. In fact, no self-depraved Nincompoop would work on Christmas Day. It is against their religion.

Nor, are they offended by receiving their annual Christmas bonus. They start looking for this beginning in January. In their deflated mind, they see no connection between Christmas and their Christmas bonus. The one does not create the other. Where do they think the Christmas bonus comes from? Maybe they think it comes from the same origin that they came from...a monkey somewhere. Only a guess on my part.

Then, try to have a Christmas party and not invite any Nincompoop. I have been to many Christmas parties and I have noted the many Nincompoops. Every party has its share of Nincompoops. I just cannot figure them out. They insist that they come from monkeys but at Christmas parties, they act like donkeys.

I have yet to see any of these people refuse a Christmas present. They are one of the first to put their name in to the gift exchange hat when it comes around the office. They look forward to unwrapping their Christmas present just like anybody else.

In spite of all this, they claim to be offended by Christmas. Of all the things to complain about and to be offended by this one should not even rate a consideration.

Many of these Nincompoops own stores where people shop for Christmas presents. I have yet to find one of these stores closed during the Christmas shopping season. They want me to spend my Christmas bonus money there and buy all my Christmas presents there but I am not permitted to say "Merry Christmas."

If these people really do not like the Christmas season I suggest they spend the Christmas season in Timbuktu. I'll chip in on the bus fare... one-way.

I am a little disconcerted about all of this complaining and being offended by Christmas. It's my holiday, let me enjoy it. After all, I don't complain about nor am I offended by their holiday... April 1.

"And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." (Luke 2:9-14 KJV).

There is no humbug about celebrating the Reason for the Season.

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