Christian Living

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Larry Lilly's Letter Monday October 22, 2007

The past week was a grand time for me as the anthology Indiana Authors 2007 was released by New Century Publishers. The subject is Inspiration From The Heartland with 12 Indiana authors selected to contribute. And yours truly is one!!! Mom is bragging around the neighborhood.

Constance Carlisle has an intriguing piece written in fiction form on the subject of overcoming domestic violence. As a pastor I see the incidence of this barbaric practice on the rise even among the clergy. For shame.

The intro to her article forewarns of the agony of soul about to unfold.

"Domestic violence is a complex issue to understand—and it isn't just about battering. Abusers intimidate and manipulate to gain and maintain their power and control over the victim. Healing takes time and a lot of work."

Constance has put a lot of heart and soul into this and documents the downward slide to victimization by a control freak that will do whatever it takes to suck the life out of his victim. I find her insight fascinating as it can be used for an instant evaluator in identifying abusers from the outset. My wife read the article and said, "Larry, if we had read this 20 years ago we could have saved our girl a world of grief."

At the book signing Constance said, "Dr. Wayne Dyer indentified the free fall a person, usually a woman , experiences when they come under the abusers initial spell." She uses this information in the piece.

The following remarks are mine, but in line with the gist of the article, "It's About Chemistry."

The victim senses danger, but dismisses this inner prodding as just that the fear of the new. The vividly remembered moment when the realization of betrayal, of the fact the person is not leveling with about the flaws in their own life and then a little later, magnifying your flaws.

Over time the inner strength is depleted and exhaustion, sleep deprivation and a losing of the will to resist takes over and the victim becomes unable to confront or act independently. The controllers mind takes the place of the victims and it really gets worse. Physical abuse takes over somewhere around this stage and the mental abuse escalates with statements, "You are stupid," "I can't count on you," "I wish I hadn't got involved." Life for the recipient of the abuse is a continual put down.

Near 20 years ago I was the guest speaker at a Valentine's Day Sweetheart dinner. I had the regular love your wife, love your husband advice for the evening interspaced with the appropriate humor and I mentioned something about sticks and stones breaking bones, but words don't hurt a bit. After the program, a doctor's wife came up to me and said, "Dr. Lilly I beg to differ with you." Being used to bossy women disagreeing with me I answered politely, "How so?" This tiny wisp of a woman said, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will break your heart." A few years later her doctor/controller husband really went to work on totally breaking her and she had the spunk to walk away.

A positive result of her pain has brought Constance to the center of the effort to help understand and combat the factors that abusers use to enslave their victim. I pray the Lord will bless her efforts in this neglected field.

Her speech jolted my memory of Wayne Dyers documented teaching on the effect of negative or positive words on the hearer and the speaker. Words affect the chemical balance in the brain, with negative words diminishing the Serotonin thus causing depression, loss of will ad infinitum. Positive words have the opposite effect. Dr. Clyde Narramore posited that it takes 15 positive statements to overcome one emotionally charged put down.

Constance said, "Healing takes time and a lot of work." I add it also takes a touch from the Lord.

Larry Lilly Copyright © 2007 Use with credit.

PS Information is for the book, price address etc is listed on the URL below.
Inspiration From The Heatland check page http://larrylilly.com/BookInfo2.aspx

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