Humor

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I recently celebrated another birthday. I’m not too sure which one I celebrated. I have had so many that choosing the right one is not easy. The way I figure it is, it's my birthday and I should be able to celebrate whichever one I please.

I am now at that time of life where age has become a matter of mind over matter. Since I do not have much of a mind left, it really does not matter.

Birthdays have a way of reminding people they are not getting any younger. As if I needed reminding. My creaky knee tells me that every morning. Tell me something I do not already know, like when is my ship coming in?

A friend of mine congratulated me on my birthday and then said something rather strange. "Well, old boy," he said with a silly grin on his face, "how does it feel to be 56?"

I had to stop and think about that one. I can feel pain. I can feel embarrassed. I can feel happy and sometimes I feel like a nut. However, for the life of me, I do not know how to “feel” my age. What does age feel like? Is it soft? Does it have a texture? Can you roll it into a ball and throw it against the wall?

Why is it that there is such a big ballyhoo about a person's birthday? I am only 24 hours older on my birthday than I was the day before. It is amazing how one day can make all that difference.

When I was young, my mother was always telling me to "act my age." I could never figure that out. (I still have trouble understanding it.) How does a person go about acting his age? I suppose that if all the world is a stage, I could do a little acting, but I need too much makeup. In addition, the rehearsing just drives me crazy.


By the time I have learned my part and memorized my lines another birthday would come around and I would have to start the process all over. This acting business is just too hard for me. At this stage in the game, I am going to take one day at a time and make up my lines as I go. Let's just see what happens.

My mother also liked to tell me, usually in some public place to maximize the embarrassment level, "Quit acting up, young man." Now that really confused me. If I'm not supposed to act "up" does that mean I’m to act "down”? How in the world does a person act down?

Is it any wonder I have a little trouble remembering how old I am?

Another reason I have a little trouble in this area is that my age changes every year. By the time I adjust to my age, bingo, it changes. I believe when a person reaches the ripe old age of 30, he should have the privilege of celebrating his birthday every other year.

This would make things a little easier on the old ego, and my ego isn't getting any younger, you know. I suggest we only celebrate the even years. Life is odd enough. Then, when a person reaches 50, he should only celebrate his birthday whenever he remembers it. This would cut down on the fire hazard some birthday cakes pose. A person should only be as old as the birthdays he can remember.

I have noticed that as a person (not necessarily me) gets older certain things begin to slip, perhaps the most important thing as well as the first thing to go is the memory. This is not all bad.

Age does have its advantages. I am just beginning to understand some advantages that getting older affords. Why is it that the longer one lives the shorter one’s memory?

This, in my opinion, is the biggest benefit of growing older. If I forget something, I can always blame it on my age. "Well, I just can't remember things like I used to when I was younger." The fact is I never could.

Now that I am advancing in years, I have a built in excuse for forgetting things. To be perfectly honest (and nobody's perfect) I forget some things on purpose.

There are some things to be cherished in one's memory: Loved ones that have passed on, certain family events and times with good friends. There are many things to remember and there are many things to forget.

The problem is, many people get confused and remember the wrong things. For example, my wife wants me to remember her birthday, but not necessarily which one. Some things need to be forgotten.

The Apostle Paul understood this when he wrote, "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before," (Philippians 3:13 KJV).

There are also some things to keep in mind. The wisest man in the world once wrote, "Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;" (Ecclesiastes 12:1 KJV).

When you're old enough to act your age, you're too old to remember your lines.

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