Humor

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As a rule, (one akin to the Golden Rule) some of the strangest people in all of God's creation are preachers. Present company excluded, goes without saying.

Nobody knows how this has come about or what role the average layman plays in this phenomenon. The great debate centers on one pivotal question: How many "quirks" does it take to make a good minister?

Some say as few as two while others insist seven is the perfect number.

Everyone has his or her own definition of a "quirk." Some go as far as to say a minister without "quirks" is only a quack ? and I have the bills to prove it!

Actually, I never thought about this until years ago while having lunch with my good friend and spiritual mentor, the Reverend Frank Simmons. In my naiveté, I thought preachers were just like other folks. I was a preacher, so I reasoned and I am normal, so every preacher is just like me.
What a shock when I discovered the truth. Some preachers, I was to learn, were - what should I say - strange!

As Frank and I were enjoying our repast at our favorite restaurant, I happened to comment about a visiting minister in my church the previous week. "He had," I complained to Frank, "more quirks than a porcupine has quills."

Frank laughed just laughed. "You've never seen a preacher with quirks until you've met Brother Gordon Reynolds." Then Frank slapped his knee and laughed some more. I knew a story lurked here and anxiously awaited the details.

Years before, Frank invited an evangelist to his church for a series of special meetings. This evangelist had a reputation for being a little eccentric, but Frank was not prepared for the extent of his eccentricity.

Frank, who was not without his share of "quirks," never paid much mind to rumors. He believed you should take a man at face value. Some faces, I must admit, have more value than others.

Brother Reynolds sent Frank his picture to use in publicizing the meetings. As with all evangelists, you cannot tell how old they are by the photographs they send in their publicity packet. Usually, the photographs are taken upon graduating from college and used throughout life. When Brother Reynolds arrived at Frank's church, he looked like the grandfather to the one in the picture.

In his younger days, Brother Reynolds was an exceptionally good Gospel singer. Those days were ancient history by the time he arrived at Frank's church. Although Brother Reynolds could not sing much anymore, he did have a replacement – of sorts.

Each night the congregation was treated to Brother Reynolds' singing via an old 78RPM Motorola phonograph machine. One you had to crank. In his heyday, Brother Reynolds recorded many of his songs.

If anyone remembers those old 78RPM records, you might also remember they were very scratchy and the sound, although excellent in pre?world war II days, was not up to par for modern audiences. Brother Reynolds insisted on playing one song each evening just before the time for him to preach.

The squeaky, scratchy music did not really prepare the congregation for any preaching. Brother Reynolds, however, would sit on the platform with his eyes closed in utter rapture while the old 78RPM recording played. Frank, on the other hand, literally squirmed in his chair not knowing how to endure an entire week of this sort of thing.

By Thursday evening, Frank was in a royal frazzled condition and questioned the wisdom of bringing in this evangelist with all the quirks. The attendance, however, kept up throughout the week. Most people came just to see for themselves. They could not believe anyone had so many idiosyncrasies.

Then the unthinkable happened.

Everything seemed to go quite normally. The preliminaries and offering time went without incident. Brother Reynolds' record was as scratchy as ever. Then it was Brother Reynolds' time to preach.

Frank braced himself for another sermon from his quirky preacher friend. Just as Brother Reynolds got into his sermon, he stopped mid sentence and turned to Frank. "Brother Simmons," he said, "I don' feel too good. Would you finish the sermon?"
With that he sat down and Frank had no choice but to oblige the old preacher to the great delight of the congregation. Nobody had ever seen anything like this in church before. Everyone sat up and waited eagerly to see what Frank would do.
Being the trooper that he was, Frank commenced the sermon where he thought Brother Reynolds had left off.

Preachers are taught to be ready at all times to preach, pray or take up an offering. Frank was up for the job and in a few minutes gained some composure when he felt a little tap on his right shoulder.

Brother Reynolds whispered to Frank, "Brother Simmons, I feel better now, I'll take over from here."

The only thing Frank could do was concede the pulpit to the evangelist to the great amusement of the congregation. Without missing a beat, Brother Reynolds took up the sermon and finished preaching.

"The most remarkable thing about that week with Brother Reynolds," Frank said to me in rather hushed tones, "was a visitor present in the service that night. I never saw him before and when Brother Reynolds invited people forward for prayer, this man came."

I could see the memory moved Frank and so I waited for the rest of the story.

"That man became a faithful member and supporter of our church for many years."

Then I saw a twinkle in Frank's eye.

"The interesting thing about this whole affair was, this man owned a car dealership in town and every year since he has given me a new car to drive."

Frank's story reminded me of what the Bible teaches. "But God hath chosen the foolish things of he world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound he things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to naught things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence" (1 Corinthians 1:27?29 KJV).

May I be that “foolish thing” God can use this week.

Rev. James L. Snyder is pastor of the Family of God Fellowship located at 1471 Pine Road in Silver Springs Shores. He lives with his wife, Martha, in Silver Springs Shores and can be contacted by calling 687-4240. His E-mail address is [email protected]. The Church website is www.whatafellowship.com

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