Healing

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My adventure with cancer started with a biopsy on my left breast on November 26, 2003. Something had been discovered during a routine mammogram and we were, once again, checking to make sure everything was OK. You see, I had been through 2 biopsies before, so this was really nothing to be much concerned about. Everything had been OK both times before. I remember going to my early morning appointment and being called into the room to meet with the doctor. She came in, looked at me, and said, “Are you by yourself?” Well, this didn’t look too good! I told her that I was and to just tell me what she had to say. Basically, she told me that I had an early stage cancer and would need to begin what would turn out to be a long journey. Before I left, an appointment was made to meet with my treatment team in about two weeks. When I walked out of the Breast Care Center that day, my first thought was: “Lord what do you want me to learn now?” It turns out that He had a lot for me to learn.
I called my husband, Chuck, and told him the news was not good and then I went on to work. I remember it was a pretty long day. When I started to get into my car to go home, the man working in the parking garage saw me and told me that I had forgotten to put my decal up that morning but that he was nice and didn’t ticket me. I guess the day had been longer than I thought. My comment to him was, “Oh, I guess I had more important things on my mind when I got here. I was just diagnosed this morning with cancer.”
I went home that night and talked with my husband at some length. Already, I felt like he was more upset than I was. Already I was resting in my Father’s hands. We decided not to tell anyone else except my baby sister, who is also my best friend, until after we met with the doctors and would be able to give others more information. That turns out to have been a really good, early on decision. Now I had time to pray and ask God for help and his loving support through what was to be my life for the next months and years.
The day came when Chuck and I were to meet my team. I was blessed from the very beginning to live near an excellent cancer treatment center where the staff knows how to make people as comfortable as possible. Each person you deal with knows your name and always talks to in a caring and respectful manner. I was weighed, measured, jabbed with a needle, etc. and then we were taken to an examining room where we were to spend the next several hours.
The first woman to come in was someone from the American Cancer Society who was a 5 year survivor of the same kind of breast cancer I had been diagnosed with. She talked to me about some of her experiences during and after treatment. She also gave me a nice cloth bag full of important information to know as I started on this journey. It was sort of like a trip-tik from AAA for a trip through breast cancer to survival.
The second person who came in that day was a beautiful young woman intern with a beautiful name. Her name was Vidya. She began playing the million and one questions game with me. She talked pleasantly through all of her questions and then did a thorough physical exam on me. She told me I would soon get to see my doctor.
In a little while, and with quite a flourish entered my oncologist and his entourage. Dr. Abraham came in with Vidya, his pregnant nurse Angie, and a few students. The room was pretty full by this time. I knew right away I would like Dr. Abraham. He smiled and his eyes shined as he talked to me. He came with a long legal pad. As he explained my plan of treatment, he drew a flow chart to show me exactly what would happen. We will do surgery, depending on what we find there then, etc., etc. I used that sheet of legal paper as my guide to the next several months. I was soon to discover that everywhere there was an intersection on his paper, God saw to it that I went the best way.
Doctor Abraham had suggested that I would be a good candidate for a trial drug, so, the next person I met was named Shannon, the clinical trials research nurse. She was always smiling and pleasant. She would begin me that day on a three-year trial of a drug called clodronate. Maybe I could help someone else to have less suffering in dealing with this disease. I got ready-made benefits, too. This drug is currently being tested for its ability to keep breast cancer from metastasizing to bone. However, it is already approved in this country to help keep women from developing osteoporosis. Since my mother suffers with that disease, I figured I was doing myself a favor, too.
The last person I talked to that day was my surgeon. It was one of only three times I was to see Dr. Goldman. He explained to me that day what the surgery would entail. I saw him at the time of the surgery and the day that my stitches were removed.
I have always known that there is a God and He is personal to me. That night, as I did my normal daily devotions, I was reminded that nothing is a surprise to Him and all things are done according to His will. This scripture was part of my scheduled devotions for that day and became my hope through the worst times of the next few months. It was a constant reminder that God is always in control. Zephaniah 3:17 says: “The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” I love to sing and rarely am without a song on my heart and in my head. What better imagery for me that a mighty warrior singing me back to health!
Actually, my greatest fear was not cancer, but, having surgery. I had blacked out once and it was the most awful, dark experience of my life. I was so afraid that anesthetic would be like that. Of course, God knew my fears and sent many prayer warriors to pray for me. On the Sunday before surgery, my pastor came to kneel and pray with and for me and my family and I was comforted. However, God also had another surprise in store for me! A long time friend of mine had become a pastor and he and his family had moved several hours away. We kept in touch occasionally by e-mail, so they knew that I was soon to have surgery. He and his family were visiting in the area and they also stopped by that day to lay hands on me and pray. Most of my fears by now were quieted by the love and prayers of friends and by the hands of God in my life.
Early the next morning, my husband, sister and I started out to the hospital with praise songs playing in the CD player. With these songs in my heart, I was ready to go for surgery. It was to be a very long day, even longer for my family than for me. I first had to go to the same-day surgery ward where I was given a wonderful hospital gown and an IV. Then I was transported to the breast care center where I was to have a procedure called a Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection. An angel in a white uniform named Vicki was there to greet me. I was pleasantly surprised to see her there, as I had been told she now worked somewhere else. You see, Vicki was a nurse who had been there for an earlier biopsy to hold my hand during a painful part of that procedure. I was very happy to see Vicki then and I was even happier to have her hold my hand later when the Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection became rather painful. Once again, God sent just the right person to bring me comfort. Next I was taken to have dye placed in my IV. Later I came back to have a scan done which would show my surgeon exactly which lymph nodes led to the cancerous area of my breast. Only these nodes would need to be removed during surgery. The fewer nodes removed during surgery, the less chance of later developing a disease called lymphedema. Now, I was blessed with being an early recipient of this type of treatment. It was only necessary to take a few lymph nodes instead of many. In the afternoon, I talked to several people who would be involved in the actually surgery, kissed my husband and sister and went off to surgery. Apparently I liked the anesthesia, because I had a nice, long nap. What was supposed to have been a few hours stay became an overnight one for me because I was so busy sleeping! I awoke at about 9 PM to find Chuck and Tarita about worn out from their waiting and my sleeping. They made me eat, I just wanted to sleep some more, and then they went home. I had a wonderful night’s sleep in a very comfortable air bed and woke up starving. I ordered and ate breakfast, saw my doctor, called my husband and in a few hours, I was home. Nothing in my visit had been horrendous. God and I had started on our trip.
After about a month to recover from surgery, it was time to go to the next step, chemotherapy. I was a little worried about being sick, but the worst part was the constant needle sticks. For the next 3 months I would have chemotherapy every 3 weeks and blood work done every week: Needles! Needles! Needles! At least I found a nice little nurse named Linda who could usually find a vein. She sometimes made positive remarks about my Christian t-shirts, such as “It’s hard to fall when you are down on your knees,” so I knew that she was a sister-in-Christ who was sent to help me through this time. There were several nurses who actually administered the chemotherapy drugs to me. One of the drugs took about 15 minutes to administer during which a nurse had to sit with me and administer the drug very slowly. Often, this was a time when I would have a chance to share my faith one on one with these nurses. They were usually women of great faith themselves, sent to keep me strong and uplifted.
Chemo does strange things to a person. After each session, it took me a little longer to recover my strength. Often my emotions would get out of control and I would cry a lot. Many nights, I couldn’t sleep. These are apparently common side effects of chemo. These were nights to talk to God. He would remind me of his words. One favorite scripture of mine for many years has been: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11. After the 4th and final session, I missed a whole week of work. I never missed a Sunday service, though. That was where my real strength came from, my church family. God sent people into my life from everywhere. Anytime I was feeling low, I would get flowers or a card or an e-mail. Funny thing, e-mail, people I had not talked to for years came back into my life during that time. Literally people all over the world were praying for me. People I never met were holding me up in prayer and helping to give me peace. I had often heard, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 4”6-7. I had just begun to understand the meaning of these verses. I experienced peace in my life which was like nothing I had ever known before. I truly knew that whatever happened, everything would be OK. If I was cured, then great and if I wasn’t, well, then I was going home to be with my Lord forever. How could I lose? The day of my last chemo treatment was probably the worst one I had. My emotions were out of control and I cried all day. I just didn’t want to do this anymore. That day, one of the Christian nurses was the one to take care of me and she was extra comforting to me. I thank God for his people who minister to each other here on Earth.
Onto the next milestone. First comes surgery, then comes chemo, then come radiation! On April 14th I got another newbie for me. I got tattoos. In order to have the radiation machine set up properly, you get little tattoos so they can line up the machine on you every day for the next 33 days, not counting weekends and holidays. I never dreamed I would ever be tattooed. After chemo, radiation is a breeze. There were really only two bad things with radiation. The first problem was that I had to show up for a treatment each and every day. It was very important to keep on schedule. The second problem was that toward the end it was like having a horrible sun burn. I was comforted throughout this time by the nice people who were there every morning for radiation, too. I was also comforted by the wonderful people who gave the treatments every day. I almost felt like family by the time I left. It was hard not knowing what would happen to some of the other patients I had become friendly with. There was even one little boy there who was being treated for brain cancer. Apparently, this was his third bout with cancer, but he sure was a fighter. I did hear once that he was doing well about a year or so after I had last seen him.
Now the war was over. Modern medicine and I had done all we could to fight cancer. Now it was and is time to just leave it all in God’s hands. He walks with me daily as I go on with my life, I continue to work, go to school, take care of my husband, and my home, help take care of my sister and her boys, and yes, I am still very busy doing church things. My little youth group guys are always a wonder to me. I usually have about 10-12 every Friday night. They run in age from 3 to 10. They are one of God’s gifts to me. I still see doctors regularly and have tests, but, I am fine and strong. God still has his hand on me and I guess he is not ready to take me home to be with him just yet.

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