Fiction

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Miss Victoria Anne Chen
25 Laguna Bay Drive
Laguna Beach, California 92651
Telephone: (949) 368-7977
Cell: (949) 693-2376

July 2, 2007


Detective Diane Reese
Laguna Beach Police Department-SVU
550 Forest Avenue
Laguna Beach, California 92651

Dear Ms. Reese:

First, I want to say thank you for the kindness that you have shown my parents, and me, through your concern and desire to see justice done. Thank you also for allowing me to write my story of the incident in this manner. I appreciate the respect you have given to me, in allowing me the time I needed to come forth, instead of just taking hold of my cell-phone and or computer records, to try and find out who did this to me.

I have struggled with wanting to do this at all because I fear the repercussions and have wondered is it “really worth it?” Most people in my situation never say a word and go on with their lives as best as they can, and I want to do the same. But I have not gone on and I know I cannot stay this way, being a prisoner of my home, but I hope and my family and friends are hoping that this will be a way for me to finally start facing things and begin to heal. I want to trust God that things will turn out the way they are supposed to and that justice will be done.

I will write my story of the how I met him and what took place on Friday, May 31, 2007. I will cooperate with you in any way necessary. Again, thank you so much for your kindness towards me and I hope this will be enough.



Thank you,
Sincerely,

Victoria Anne Chen

Victoria Anne Chen


CC: Attorney, Pamela R. Stanton, and Esq.





The Incident



He, my Attacker, whose name I cannot even write at this moment, called me on my cell. It was after 4:20p.m.on Friday May 31, 2007. My parents, Benjamin and Johanna Chen had just left for a late business meeting and then they would be having dinner at Studio restaurant. My original plans were to hang out at home with Jennifer, a friend from school, watch television and order in for dinner. At about 4:20, my cell rang. I picked it up thinking that it was Jennifer.
“Hello”
“Victoria?”
“Yes? Who is this?”
“This is …remember me?”
“Oh, hi…of course I remember you silly. How are you?” I probably sounded really loud and too excited.
“I’m good. How are you doing since we last spoke?”
“Great! Schools out, and I’m getting ready to work at my father’s production company for the summer.”
“Sounds like your summer is all planned out.”
“I guess. What about you? How long will you be in town?”
“ I’m back for a few days before I head off to Zambia for a month.”
“Wow… so you’re really going?”
“Yeah, everything is finalized.”
“That’s going to be so cool.”
“I hope so. My sister’s going to be picking me up.”
“Are you scared?”
“Not really…well…a little, only because I’ve never been there before. Every place is different. I’ll be sure to take many pictures for you, and e-mail them to you. As I told you, I really feel that this maybe what God is calling me to do with my life-to be a traveling photographer for the His glory--going wherever he wants to send me. I could also end up doing something a little more grounded-like teaching photography and travel occasionally. I don’t know right yet.”
“Whatever it is, I know you’ll do well.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that.”
“I know you are extremely excited about this being your senior year.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait!”
“I know… I can’t wait either. Onto college or film school.”
“You’ll be so happy to get out and move on. Listen, I’m calling because I wanted to know if you wanted to come by my house? Some friends of mine are over; we’re just hangin out--nothing special.”
“Sounds great.”
“ Can you come, I’d really like to see you again…I know it’s short notice but….”
“Well, a friend of mine is supposed to be coming over.”
“So, bring her along.”
“Really?”
“Sure, as long as I get to see you.”
My cell phone beeped. I knew then that it was Jennifer.
“Can you hold on, that’s probably Jenn.”
“Yeah.”

That was Jennifer on the other line. She called to say that she couldn’t make it, that plans had changed and that she had to baby-sit her little brother. I was disappointed because I wanted her to go with me. I’m not extremely close to Jennifer but she is a really nice person and we do hang out from time to time. I told her that I would call her tomorrow about getting together over the weekend. I hung up and switched back to him.
“Hello?”
“So, what’s the verdict?”
“No, she can’t come.”
“ What about you? I really would like to see you again.”
“Yeah, I’ll come by for a little while… what’s your address?”
“2 Via Cancha Road. Do you know where that is?”
“Of course. I’ll be there in about 20 minutes.”
“I can’t wait to see you.”
Shocked that he said that, I just said, “Okay, can’t wait to see you too.” Gee, that sounded mature. I’m usually pretty secure but he makes me feel insecure; not because of anything he had said but just because of his age. Granted, he is not old, but I am very naïve when it comes to guys, so I feel insecure.

“Don’t go.” A voice said to me. I now know that it was God speaking to me but at the time, I thought about it for a moment and figured it was me with my doubts about possibly having a relationship with him, not that he ever said that he was interested in me for a girlfriend or anything. I think my parents would not go for that or maybe they would.

We met April 6th, when my best friend, Stephanie Bratner, invited me to her cousin’s house for a Spring Break party. She said some friends of her cousin, Rachel Wells, from Baker University, a Christian college would be there.

Since my parents knew Stephanie, they agreed to let me go. Stephanie reassured them that there was not going to be any alcohol and certainly no drugs, and that Rachel’s parents would be two houses down the street. So, my parents said it was okay but not to stay out too late. I wore a white eyelet v-neck cotton blouse with a sash around the empire waist and bell sleeves; a pair of Rock and Republic Jeans and navy blue high-woodened heeled, open-toed shoes. My hair was loose and wavy, parted down the middle.

Stephanie picked me up in her blue1966 Mustang convertible. We just knew we were going to have a great night-and we did.

When we walked into her cousin’s house, all I remember was feeling that
my every move was being photographed. I didn’t feel creeped out but wanted to know who was staring at me. There were at least 30 kids there. We met Rachel and she started introducing us to people. I looked around and finally, our eyes met. That moment was just like what you read about or hear other people say. My parents had the same experience when they first saw each other, well, not totally the same because their love and attraction was real and obviously from God-this wasn’t.

He smiled at me, and I smiled back at him, then I looked down to get a hold of my self. My knees actually felt like butter, like they were going to buckle. My heart started racing. I tried to pretend that I really wasn’t looking at him, but at someone next to him. “What was going on?” I thought to myself. He started to walk towards me at which point I froze. He walks up to me:
“Hello,” He said.
“Hi.” He was truly fine. He was about 6’1”, with dark brown or black hair, (I couldn’t tell) and piercing blue/green eyes and light bronzed skin, like he had been at the beach all day. I couldn’t make out what his nationality was but he could be of Italian or Portuguese descent-who knows and who cared at that point. He had on olive-colored chino pants, and a t-shirt with Surf’s Up logo, and suede ankle Macalister boots.
My name is…. What’s yours?”
“Victoria.”
“Nice to meet you. You live around here?
“Yeah, Turtle Bay.”
“Wow, that must be nice.”
“Yeah, it is…what about you?”
“I live in San Clemente.”
“Oh, right next door.” Who was he I thought?
“You in college?”
“No, not yet. I’m a senior at Fairmount Prep.”
“Congratulations! I’m a senior at Baker.”
“That’s great.”
“I hope I don’t offend you and don’t take this the wrong way, but has anyone ever told you that you favor Kimora Lee Simmons?”
“Yes, I’m told I do favor her. It’s either her or Gong Li.”
“I don’t know Gong Li.”
“She’s the most famous actress in China.”
“I’ll have to check her out.” He went on to say, “I’m sorry if I am being too forward but I just think you’re really beautiful. Are you Bi-racial?”
“Thanks for the complement and yes I am bi-racial. My mom is black and my dad is part Chinese, Korean and White.
“I can see the Asian but I wasn’t sure. God has really blessed you, not because you’re mixed but because you’re beautiful.”
“Thanks. Since we’re sharing such info, what are you?”
“I’m actually bi-racial too.”
Dumbfounded was the look on my face.
“Yeah, I know I look like a straight up regular white boy with a tan but my dad is black, and my mom is white. “
“So, besides Jesus-I assume right, I mean for being saved?” I had to ask. He didn’t have to be a Christian. Just because someone goes to a Christian College or school doesn’t mean they’re saved.
“You assume right.” Thank you Lord. He’s one of yours! Maybe he’ll be mine too-someday, I thought.
“We have something else in common.”
“That is a fact.”

We both smiled, and began to talk about all kinds of things from growing up bi-racial to God to politics-everything. He just seemed so nice and really neat and smart. After about 30 minutes or so, Stephanie came over and I introduced her to him and we all stood around and talked. During the rest of the evening I met other people including a couple of his good friends and then we went our separate ways but we always ended back up talking to each other.

We were all having such a good time that I didn’t realize that it was mid-night, at which time my father called me and told me that it was time to come home.
After I came back from the bathroom, he met me:
“Are you leaving?”
“Yeah, I have to go, dad called.”
“Before you go, I wanted to know if I could call, or e-mail you sometime? It probably won’t be right away because when I get back to school, it’s going to be crunch time with finals and all, but I really had a great time with you and I want to keep in touch, if that’s okay.”
“Sure, no problem; I’d like that too.”
“I just don’t want to seem pushy.”
“No, I had a great time…. As I was giving him my card, he said,
“Great, then we’re on the same page…Wow, a business card? I’ve never met someone in high school with a business card.”
Looking slightly embarrassed, I said:
“It’s my parents influence.”
“Hey that’s great. It just says that you really got it going on.”

We also took a picture together, but it wasn’t just the two of us together but some other kids as well. (After a couple of weeks, the Lord told me to erase it because I was dwelling on it too much; daydreaming about us walking down the isle together some day. After much debate, I deleted the photo-God won.)

We said good-by and I parted with Stephanie. Though I had hoped to hear from him again, my hopes did not ring high. Why would he? He was this college guy, what would he want with me? I’m not putting myself down. I believe that I am made in God’s image and that I am a real catch but I just mean that I’m 16 and he is going on 22. I did so wish that it was God because I could really see myself falling in love with him and maybe someday being his wife.

A couple weeks later, he called me and we talked for about two hours. I told Stephanie about the conversation and she told me to be careful, to pray and see what God’s plans were. She did hope that it would work out. Talking on the phone, Stephanie said:
“Like your kids would be really beautiful and then you could live partly in Africa or something and he would be taking pictures for the world to see and you would be producing documentaries.”
“Yeah, looks who’s jumping the gun now.” We laughed.
“I just want the best for both of us. “
“Me too.”
“Keep me posted.”
“Without a doubt. You’re my BFF.”
“You’re mine too.”
“Double that forever.”
“Double.”
We spoke one other time and e-mailed each other a few times and that was it until May 31st.

As I stated before, though I had heard that voice, I went along with the plan. I thought about calling Stephanie but she was at her grandparent’s house in Martha’s Vineyard for a month and I just didn’t want to bother her. It would be 7:30p.m.there and she would probably be busy. I didn’t text her either.

I freshened up and put on a white cargo skirt, mid-length, with a pink polo shirt, and one of my favorite necklaces; a silver heart given to me by my aunt Dawn (She’s not really my aunt but my mom’s close friend for many years, and she gave this to me for my 16th birthday. I didn’t wear the matching earrings though.) I wore a pair of silver studs and silver leather flip-flops. I had flat ironed my hair two days prior, so it was just straight and parted in the middle. I got in my car, (a used red Miata that I purchased from a woman at my church. I paid half and my parents put in the other half.)

As I was waiting for the light to turn red, I looked down the street and stared at the South Pacific Coast hospital intently for a moment not knowing that that was a premonition for what was to come.

I got to his house around 5:15 pm. I rang the doorbell. I could see him walking towards the door. He was wearing blue jeans, t-shirt and sandals.
As he came closer and saw that it was me, his eyes lit up. I had never experienced that before. No guy had ever lit up like that when he saw me, not even Jason, a guy from church that I dated off and on for a few months. He opened the door.
“Well hello there.”
“Hi. “
“Come on in. You look great.”
“Thanks.”
“Were all in the back hangin out.”
As I walked through the house, which was a soft contemporary style like mine but with with a country Italian décor, I commented:
“You have a really nice house.”
“Thanks, my dad has great taste.”
“Really?”
“I know, it’s usually the woman but in this case, it’s my dad mostly. He is an architect so it’s in his blood.”
“What does your mom do?”
“She works as a Visiting Nurse, per diem, other wise she goes on missions or volunteers at the church. She does the nursing to keep in practice.”
“We walk out onto the patio/backyard, which was on a hillside. You could see all the way to the ocean. It was truly breathtaking. “Hey guys, I want you all to meet Victoria.” I did recognize one person from Rachel’s party back in April. There were about nine of us in all.

For the next three hours, we all talked and laughed and ate Italian sub-sandwiches, chips, Buffalo and Honey-barbecued wings. We just had a good time. At about between 8 or 8:30 pm, I don’t remember exactly, most of the kids started to leave as they had been there since early on. I said, “I guess I should be going too.”
“”You don’t have to, you can stay for a while longer. Mark and Pam are still here. Don’t leave—Please?” His hands in prayer position to his adorable smiling face, I broke down.
“Okay, just or a little while longer.”
“Thank you God.” Looking up as his prayer was answered.

Mark and Pam were a couple and they were in their own world so we just sat and talked. At about 8:30, Mark and Pam decided to leave and so we were left alone. I didn’t think anything of it- the fact that I was all alone with him; the fact that his parents were away for a couple days and wouldn’t be back until the next day, which would be Saturday.

After they drove off, he closed the door and came back outside, sat down beside me. We continued to talk. Things were just going so great, but I kept feeling like I needed to leave, just because things were going so well. He then asked me:
“Victoria, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.” I got really nervous. What would he ask me? He looked at me and smiled and said:
“I really like you a lot and I wanted to know would you go out with me?”
“You mean like a date.” He was smiling.
“Yeah, like a real date.”
“Well, I’d have to clear it with my parents and you’d have to meet them and….”
“No problem. I figured as much seeing our age difference and besides a good father is expected to want to know who his daughter is going out with. So you think they would give me a hard time…I mean about my age?”
“Maybe, I don’t know. My parents are pretty cool. They would just want to know where you’re at spiritually.”
“Gottcha. So is that a yes, providing they say so?”
“Yes.” I wanted to scream but held my composure.
“Great. Can we try and make it before I leave on Tuesday, like Monday night or something?”
“Sure.”

At around 9:30 or a little after that, I told him that I would be leaving, and I excused myself to go to the bathroom.
“Don’t go.”
But I didn’t give in this time. I was overwhelmed by the whole situation and I wanted to leave and just go home and get on the phone with Stephanie, and start praying about how to approach my parents about him. I was anxious to see how they felt about the idea of me dating someone going on 22. I would be turning 17 in a couple months anyway. When I came out, I headed back towards the patio but He was already inside sitting in the living room. As he got up from his chair, he said, “You all set?”
“Yep.” We started walking towards the door.
“Thanks for inviting me over. I had a great time.”
“Me too. You know you can stay awhile longer, or do you have to get back before your parents?”
“No, not at all, I’m a little tired and I just feel that I should be going.”
“Ah, not supposed to be alone with the opposite sex.”
“Well, a little.”
“It’s okay, I understand. It hasn’t been easy being around you. You’re a great person and plus you are really beautiful. I haven’t met anyone quite like you before.”
“Really?” Did he really mean it or was he pulling my leg?
“Yeah-Really. Sure, I have female friends and have dated some real pretty, God-fearing girls but you’re special.” He looked straight into my eyes and my heart started beating really fast.
“I really like you.”
At that point, I thought I would faint. He was standing so close. It was as if time stood still and I couldn’t hear anything around me.
“Have you ever kissed a guy?”
“No.” I said nervously, my voice quivering. He then backed up.
“I’m sorry, please forgive me. It’s just…I…I…I’m sorry about asking you that.”
“Can I give you a hug goodbye?” He asked. “I promise I won’t bite. I just had such a great time. I just don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling right now. God help me here.” I, not having ever been in this situation felt like I was in suspended animation waiting for the Director to make the next move because I couldn’t.
“So, can I hug you?”
Hesitantly I agreed. “Sure.”
He came close and then slowly put his arms around me and mine around him. What seemed like hours was only a few seconds. Slowly, as we pulled away, we turned to face one another. After a few seconds of staring into each other’s eye, we moved closer together; our mouths just faintly touching, we pulled back looking into each others eyes as if we were giving the other permission to go on further, and then we kissed. No French kiss, just a soft touch of the lips. I don’t know how long it lasted, but it was intense and beautiful. I never wanted to open my eyes and wake up but I had too.
We both opened our eyes. I came back to earth and could not handle what was happening so I panicked, though I was smiling.
“I have to go, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” He said with absolute confidence. You shouldn’t feel that way. Didn’t you like it?”
“I…yes… but…. “ I wasn’t going to tell him that I felt like I want to marry him and have his children as we trapes across the seven continents; him and his photography and me producing documentaries. I was so confused that I repeated myself.
“But what?”
“It was my first kiss.”
“I know…you told me, remember?” I realized that what people say that you really do go stupid on a first kiss or a kiss that seemed made in heaven or when you are in love. Could I be in love? My mouth still open, heart beating fast, my knees weak, I waited for instructions from the Director-whoever that was. Did I remember Jesus? I couldn’t wrap my head around any concrete thoughts, so I stared.
“Can I tell you something?”
“What?” Wow! I actually managed to get out an actual word.
“I feel honored that I was the first to kiss you.”
“Please, don’t get the wrong idea. I really need to be going; things are just going to fast.”
“Victoria!” My eyes focused on him again for instructions. “I want to kiss you again.” Without thinking:
“No, I’m sorry, I really need to go. I’m starting to feel uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have come. “
His voice rose, “What are you talking about?” He was visibly getting upset.
Panicked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way, it’s just…I…need to go. I’ve never been here before with a guy and I never meant for this to happen.”
“Hey, calm down girl, it’s alright. Come here. “

He drew me closer and put his arms around me. I did not reciprocate because I was uncomfortable and knew that I had blown it with him. There would be no date, no boyfriend-no marriage. He was probably thinking that I was a baby and couldn’t handle being around a man-which I couldn’t. I was a virgin and had never been close to a guy before. I had dated Jason but that was on a whole other level. That felt like two kids, nothing more-nothing less. I have male friends, but I had not encountered anything like this. I know that in this day and age, I am considered a prude but I don’t care. I made a vow to Jesus and to my dad that I would stay a virgin until I got married and the man that I marry will accept that—and he should with no problem, if he really follows Jesus. At that moment, I became afraid at how close I had come to possibly not remembering that vow and more afraid that he would not stop me. It was too much.
When I didn’t hug him back, I could feel his body tensing as if upset.
“What’s wrong? I just wanted to give you a hug to say everything is alright.”
“I appreciate it but I would just like to go home now.”
“What, that’s it?”
“Please, I’m really sorry but I just want to go home. I won’t bother you anymore. I’m sorry I ruined everything-at least you don’t have to worry about my parents reaction.” As I started to walk away, he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him again.
“What are you doing? Let me go!” I yelled.
“No way Victoria! You’re not getting away so easily. I said I want to kiss you again and I didn’t get it! Victoria, I have put my heart out on my sleeves and how I feel about you. We shared a beautiful kiss and now you want to go?” His tan was receding to the color of rage and anger— bright red. He went on: “Let me explain some facts of life to you little girl. You don’t go around kissing guys especially when they are home alone and not expect them to want more, especially if they haven’t had any in a long time.”
“I said I was sorry, now please, let me go, or I’ll scream!”
“I wouldn’t try that missy!”
“I’m not your slave.”
“You are now.” What happened to the gentleman that I came to know; the exciting young Christian photographer that I would spend the rest of my life with? He vanished without warning. Oh God, what is happening?
I was so scared. How did I get into this nightmare?
“Kiss me pretty girl.” He was holding me so tight that I could barely breath. See what you did to me!” My eyes were watery as I started to cry and panic.
“Please, let me go, I won’t tell anyone. Please just let me go.”
“Not until I get another kiss.”
“No!” I pushed him as hard as I could and tried to run for the door, but he caught me. As I took hold of the knob, he grabbed my waist and pulled me back so hard that I fell to the floor onto my back.
“Victoria!” He started coming towards me.
“Don’t come near me!” I yelled. He then came at me again, and I got up and started run into the living room to see if I could get to the patio door, run out that way and scream for help. But he ran after me and threw me down on the floor.
“You did it this time. You’re not going anywhere Miss Victoria.” I looked at him in his eyes and it was as if he was possessed. I got up and I picked up a vase and threw it at him: “Ouch!” He said. I ran for the door, but he got behind me and took hold of my ankle and pulled it towards him and I fell forward and hit my face on the sleek wood floor. And that point, I just about blacked out.
“See what you made me do? I just wanted to be with you and now look what you did. Get up you little prick teaser… GET UP!” But I couldn’t. “You’re not hurt, I said GET UP!” I was crying and slowly began to get up when he took hold of me and I screamed and turned around and hit him. He slapped me.
“You’re going to learn a little lesson tonight little girl about messing with a man.”
“You’re not a real man.” I cried out. “A real man, a Christian wouldn’t do this.”
“SHUT UP!” At that point, I knew that if I were to say anything else that he might really hurt me. Who was he, what happened to him? Was he even a Christian?
Crying and in pain and scared for my life-- “ Please let me go!”
“I am a Christian but see, here’s the thing. You don’t go around teasing guys either and expect them not to get excited. Now… I…I want you so bad that I can’t stop.”
My face felt broken and I saw blood.
“Please, if you let me go, I can get you help”
“I don’t need help, I just need you-I need this pressure in my body to go away.”
“He pushed himself against me and he put his lips to mine but I did not kiss him back. I felt his tongue trying to go in my mouth but I pressed my lips together.
“Now you’re playing hard to get.”
“As he pulled back, I spit in his face and then kicked him between the legs. At that point I started screaming.
“Jesus…Jesus…somebody, help me!” I ran again towards the door. I could taste freedom as I put my hand on the doorknob and it turned, but then as if in some middle of some weekly crime show, he caught me, grabbed me and put his hand over my mouth, as he slammed the door shut with his leg and then began to drag me towards the stairs. I was trying to wiggle my way out but he starting to pull me up the stairs.

“You’re going to pay now for what you have done to me.” He was behind me and had his arms around me and his hand (I don’t remember which one) was on my mouth to keep me from screaming. One of his legs was on the stairs and the other one was wrapped around me—to keep me from kicking him. The door was open to his room and so he dragged me in and pushed me down on the bed. He got on top of me and held me tight. The pressure of him being on top of me in that way was making me sick. I felt dizzy I wanted to faint, but I kept telling my self, “you have to fight—don’t give up!” As he took one hand away, he tried to put the other hand over my mouth but I bit the inside of his hand.
“Ouch!” He slapped me. “You are feisty.” He bent down next to my ear and whispered, “A feisty prick tease that’s about to get pricked.” And then he licked the outer realm of my ear.
At this point I was losing my strength. I kept saying in my mind, “God, please forgive me, please help me…please rescue me from him.” I looked around for angels, for any way out that God might be showing me. Then the devil broke in my mind, ”See, if you were obedient, you wouldn’t be in this mess; God is not going to deliver you, prick teaser; thought you were a good girl did you? You know you wanted him; IT’S YOUR FAULT! Just have sex with him. Become a woman, you won’t regret it.” He started laughing and I cried harder.
“Please, don’t do this, please.”
He saw that I was losing strength. “Shut up!” He eased up a little by sitting up; while still having me penned down with his legs, he took off his shirt and unbuttoned his belt and unzipped his pants. He then lied back down on top of me and put his arm against the upper part of my chest and with his other hand and began to pull his pants and underwear down. Lying pressed against me, he then freed himself of his clothes. I just kept crying and squirming but could not move.
“Its no use pretty girl-your stuck.”

He then lay on top of me and stared at me as if this was our wedding night. He took his hand and started to touch my hair and said, “Your hair is so soft and silky, so long.” Then he leaned down and smelled it. A smile came over his face. He turned to me: “And it smells delicious.” Then he moved to kiss me, first on my cheek, then my mouth.
“Please don’t do this.”
“I’m so sorry for hitting you. Kiss me beautiful girl.” My head was moving side to side.
“This can be beautiful or this can be rough, what’s it going to be?”
“Jesus….”
“Jesus ain’t gonna help you now pretty girl.”
“Jesus….”
“You are so beautiful.” He then started to rub his hand over my breast-my top still on.
“Please No.”
“Shhhh. It’ll be all right pretty girl. My very own Kimora, thank you Jesus.”
He ripped my shirt open and pulled my bra down. When I tried to scream, he covered my mouth. He became like an animal. All I remember is him taking his hand and pulling up my skirt and ripping off my panties. I started to squirm. I tried to keep my legs closed but his legs were too strong for me. He got between my legs. He took his hand away from my mouth.
“He put his finger to his mouth. “Shhh.”
In a whisper, I said, “Please don’t do this.”
“But I must.” My mind went blank, the silence, that calm of what was to come seemed to choke me and then he…then he just without warning, (I’m gonna be sick, oh God, please help me.) he thrust himself in me and tore away at my innocence. I screamed:
“Steve, No!” As my flesh was being ripped apart, I passed out.
When I came around, it was only about a few minutes later. I tried to focus on the figure that was on top of me, when I did; I turned my head and stared at the window, looking out into the night. My soul at that point felt as black as the sky.”
“Victoria…Victoria.”

When I turned my head, all I could see was Steve sitting up on the edge of the bed to the side, his head facing the same window, looking out at the same black sky with tears flowing down his face.
“Victoria… I'm so sorry.” I was so lost in the darkness that I had not noticed how much time had passed or that the horror had subsided. Every part of my body ached. I could barley talk. I was so traumatized.

“Victoria, please forgive me. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. I’m so sorry about your face—hitting you.” He went on to try and explain-for what reason, I don’t know. “I’ve been holding this in for years and it just came out the moment I held and kissed you.” He went onto say:
“I was not a virgin when I got saved. I met a girl in high school. She was 18 and I was 15. She was this really smart, pretty girl that all the guys adored. She had a boyfriend, but for whatever reason, she liked me to. She said, ‘I want you.’ There was no way I was going to turn her down. Not somebody like her and a senior too?” Though I wanted to die at that point, I couldn’t help wanting to hear his story, he continued.

“She picked me up and we went out for pizza and then we went back to her place. She lived in the pool house and her parents were out of town for the weekend. We started watching videos and then she asked me, ‘Do you wanna have sex with me?’. She said she found me attractive and that if I were willing, she would make me into a man, so I did it. We had a sexual relationship for a few months, until my parents found out.

They never knew who she was. My mom found my condoms in my back pocket one day. They grounded me and told me that if I didn’t get it together, that they would send me away. I was ordered to go to church. I was going anyway, but there was no option. After awhile, I got into it and came under conviction of the Holy Spirit and got saved. I hated my parents for a while. It was as if you’re supposed to give up something you love just like that and depend on Jesus…and I did, but it was so hard. I never wanted to. I adjusted, went off to college. I dated a couple of times but I never felt for anyone like the first time I saw you. I thought you were so beautiful and I wanted you. I was even thinking that we could maybe someday spend our lives together. Victoria,” (turning his head to face me, but I did not look at him), “I had no intentions of this, something just came over me.”

As I lay there broken and listened to him, I realized how messed up he really was; how he was, in a different way, in as much pain as me. He had allowed the enemy to use him to try and destroy him and me. A voice quickly shot back: “You are not destroyed!” It was the first sign of hope that God was still with me, though I had many questions of why He did not come and deliver me. I told my self that I made my bed and had to sleep in it. Tears softly ran down my face.
Steve turned a little more to me quickly and I jumped.
“Please don’t hurt me again.”
“No, I’ll never hurt you again Victoria. Oh God, what have I done? Maybe I’ll just hurt my self.” I shot back:
“No! Please don’t do that.” Part of me said, ‘Go ahead, burn in Hell for all I care. Pay--yes, pay dearly for what you have done to me.’
“Promise you won’t tell.”
“What am I supposed to say happened to me?”
“Tell your family you fell on the street or something.” I couldn’t believe he wasn’t asking me to tell such a lame excuse; more than that I was hurt, that if he was so repentant, why was he leaving it to me to deal with the consequences?
“They won't believe me.”
“Tell them you got beat up by a stranger.”
“Why can’t I just tell them the truth? We can go there together” at which he looked at me like maybe he had really hit me a little too hard, so I changed my thought to, “Okay, I’ll tell them what happened and to tell them that you need help instead of jail.”
“ You can’t tell them the truth, they won’t believe you, and even if they did, they will never trust you again. You’ll be forever looked upon the wrong way. Your name will go through the mud and you will ruin your life or for years to come, plus you will ruin your family and mine and you wouldn’t want that would you?” (At that point, I looked at him believing what he said was true. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt my family-to be an outcast. I began to think that I would do anything to protect them.)
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I’ll try and ditch my car or something and say that I was mugged and attacked.”
“Good, good. See, if you do that, everyone will feel sorry for you and your name will not be shamed.”
“You just want to protect yourself, you don’t give a crap what happens to me.”
“That’s not true! You and I both know that what I’m saying is true. No one will look at you the same-no one. They will always be looking over their shoulder. And me. They will categorize me as a sexual criminal for the rest of my life.” I looked at him. “I know what I’ve done was wrong but I’m not a criminal.” Then he said:
“I got it!” It was as if he was playing some game and knew he had the winning answer and then he’d win a million dollars.
“We will both drive to the park and call 911 and say that we were robbed and I was beaten and you were raped at gun point.”
“And what happens when they find out we were lying? We’ll both go to jail.” I decided at that point that I would think of something. I was so confused that I was actually going to lie and do whatever to protect, I thought was my family.
I slowly got up and he tried to help. “Please don’t touch me.” I said.
I sat up on the bed and he got up and left the room. “I’ll leave you some privacy.” I just glared at him though he could not see me because it was dark. He just raped me and now he wants to give me privacy?

I cried as I slowly hooked my bra back together after having it practically ripped off me. I then pulled down my shirt or what was left of it; he had torn it till it almost was split in half. I tucked a piece of the shirt under my bra so that it wouldn’t flap around. I felt for my panties, which were lying on the floor next to the bed. I picked them up and started crying as I put them on. I tried to stand but it was so painful, I had to sit down and then tried again. I stood up when I turned around; I noticed a dark stain on the bed. Though I could not see the color, I could tell it was wet and fresh. I knew it was blood--my blood. I wept and said to Jesus: “I’m sorry Jesus, please forgive me, please forgive me.”
I stood there trying to catch my bearings enough to think of what I would do.

I walked out of the room. I didn’t care at that moment where he was; I just wanted to get out of there. I walked down the stairs and saw my purse lying by the door in the foyer.
When I picked up my purse, and some of its contents, I noticed the pepper spray; how ironic that I had it but couldn’t get to it. I stood up and looked straight ahead into a mirror. I stared at it as if I was trying to figure out who was the bruised faced girl staring back at me. When it hit me that it was me, a single tear rolled down my face.
“Victoria.” I jumped. I turned around to find Steve sitting in a brown leather chair, still naked, in the living room. His face tear-stained like mine; his foot bleeding from the pieces of the broken vase strewn about on the mahogany wooden floor draped with an oriental rug.

“I’m sorry Victoria.” I turned around and walked out. That was the last time I saw him. I walked to my car and turned on the ignition, hit the button so that the top would come over. I put on my sunglasses; (they wouldn’t think anything strange about that. This is Southern California), because I had to pass the security gate and I didn’t want them to notice anything. “Jesus, please help me.”
I drove to the gate and gave a fake smile, and waved. A guard in the booth barely looking up, waved back, and I was gone.

“Learn to fly…learn to soar, above the doubts, around my door…learn to see….” I realized that the music was coming from my cell-phone. I picked it up and looked at the number, it was Steve. I didn’t answer. I stopped at the light and deleted his number. Then another call came in. I looked at the number and it was my father. I started crying. I knew that they would start to panic soon if I didn’t contact them in a few minutes or didn’t come home. I looked at the time and it was about 11:15 pm. I was shocked at how early it was. It seemed like a lifetime had gone by. I felt so much older at that moment. I was driving around thinking about how I couldn’t crash my car or lie.

As I waited for the light to change, I looked up and saw as I had earlier, the South Coast hospital a few feet way. I stared thinking should I go in there and tell the truth? What about the consequences? Would my parents and friends really think differently of me? Will I ruin everyone’s life? Maybe I’ll just tell them I don’t know who did it—that’s it! Then God spoke clearly: “Don’t protect him!” Another voice came: “You’re PREGNANT Victoria!” I couldn’t tell if that was the devil or not. Thoughts started flooding my mind. “What if I am pregnant? What will I do? I’m not prepared to raise a child.” The voice broke in again: “Your parents are going to be so disappointed in you, and they are going to kick you out. You’ll never become that producer for JESUS MISSY! You’ll be too busy changing diapers. Hey, I got a solution…just get an abortion. God will forgive you.” Though I knew it was the devil by now, I couldn’t tell if he was telling me truth-maybe I was pregnant. I blurted out, “Oh God please don’t let me be pregnant.” I sat in the car and cried until a car honked. (I’m happy to report that I was not pregnant! I got my period a week later. It was truly the mercy of God and God alone.) I was cold and shaking badly. I drove slowly towards the ER entrance, into the drop off area and froze.

Next thing I heard was security coming up to the car.
“Miss, please move your car.” He must have said this a couple of times, but I couldn’t respond. He came closer:
“Miss, move your car. Are you deaf or drunk?”
He then stuck his head in my car with his flashlight.
“Miss, are you alright? I was shaking. He flashed his light around inside the car and saw the torn shirt and the blood and the contusions on my face.
At that point, the officer called for female assistance.
“Miss, you’re going to be okay.”
“When I heard the car door open, I jumped.”
“It’s alright Miss, we’re here to help you. You’re safe.”

After that I just remember being asked a lot of questions of which I could not answer. I was in shock. I was offered the morning after pill but I declined. I had to endure a rape kit, and that is when I met Detective Reese.

Then, my parents came. I couldn’t face them. They were in tears but I was withdrawn, feeling like I had not protected them; that I had ruined their lives and mine-and his. The doctors tried to get me to talk to the psychiatrist on call but I didn’t want to talk to anyone. My parents would not allow me to be put on medication, although they did take the prescription for Ambien so I could sleep if needed. My mom would not accept the prescription for Adivan. They were also given the phone number to the Psych Unit in case of an emergency, and the psychiatrist that I spoke to-a Dr. Thalia Singh.

Since I was not going to stay, my mom had to go back home to get me a change of clothes. The clothes that I had on were taken by Detective Reese to keep for evidence. While waiting for my mom, I sat in silence in my room while my dad sat next to me in the chair, holding my hand, his head down as he sang songs of comfort to me: “Yes, Jesus loves me…yes Jesus loves me… yes, Jesus loves me, for the Bible tells me so.”
Dad sang a few more hymns. I believe he did it not just for me, but for himself as well.

When my mother came back, I took a long shower. I tried to wash the memories away, but it didn’t work, I just made my skin more raw, more bruised than it already was. I saw the bruises that Detective Reese had taken pictures of. They were on my left thigh and my knee was swollen and cut. My arms were bruised and so was my back and stomach. Numb, I braided my hair, put on my clothes and then we went home. My dad drove my car home and I went with my mom in her SUV.

It has been three weeks and except for this past Sunday, when I managed with God’s help to go to church, I have not left my house, and I have not spoken more than a couple of words. I won’t even talk to Stephanie, who is coming back in a couple days to be with me. As I write his name and information, I feel God’s peace and reassurance coming over me, telling me it’s going to be all right. I know that one day, I will truly believe that.


Hi name is Steven Williams.
His address: 2 Via Cancha
San Clemente, CA 92673
H: (949) 694-4563
He is scheduled to come back on July 9, 2007.

Ms. Reese:
I have given you all that I can remember of that night. I pray that this is enough. I am willing to go to court if necessary and testify against him that he indeed did rape me. I await your contact for further instructions.
Again, thank you for everything.

Victoria A. Chen









---THREE MONTHS LATER---

September 10, 2007




Detective Diane Reese
Laguna Beach Police Department-SVU
550 Forest Avenue
Laguna Beach, California 92651

Dear Ms. Reese:

I hope you are doing well. I told you that I would let you know how I’m doing, and I ‘m happy to report that I am doing well.

I am still shocked at how God moved in this situation. The fact that he (Steve), confessed and that he accepted his sentence of three years in prison was truly, only something God could’ve done. Mrs. Stanton, my lawyer, told me that he would serve his sentence at Avenal State Prison. I still have not opened the letter that he gave his lawyer to give to me. I don’t know if I’ll ever read it, but if I do, it won’t be for a long time. I believe I have, by the grace of God, forgiven him, but still healing from what he did to me. A woman who prayed for me told me that when you have truly forgiven someone, you are no longer affected by them in any way. So I guess I am still in the process of full forgiveness.

I’m seeing a therapist. Her name is Dr. Evelyn Connors, and she is a Christian therapist. She is sweet and spicy-full of compassion and sticks to what the Word of God says. She really wants me to remember when the devil tries to accuse or condemn me that “There is now no condemnation for those in Christ,” and that God will turn all things around for good. I do believe that, but I have been tested many times since the Incident, and sometimes I fail. I’m just glad that before it happened, I was blessed with a good healthy sense of self and who God created me to be. As my mom says, “I am Filet Migon in Christ.” (Smile)

Just from going the past few times to therapy, along with the love and support of my family, friends, and my own knowledge of God, I am healing.

I want to be able to give a testimony, wherever he wants it to be told; about how God brought me through; about his forgiveness, mercy, and that He is a Restorer.

I just started back to school a couple weeks ago and I am adjusting well to my senior year. I don’t have but a few classes so I’ll be able to work part time, at my father’s production company: The Rider on the White Horse Productions. I believe God wants me to be a Producer; creating and producing shows, movies, documentaries, regarding my culture or should I say cultures and stories about lifting up the Lord Jesus.

I don’t know where I’ll be going to school yet, but I wouldn’t mind staying in California, though I went with my mother to New York about a month ago to visit New York University. I really liked it; especially, the diversity and the fact that they are known for their film school, but I have to just pray about it.

Anyway, I ‘m going to go, but I did want to keep my word and let you know that I’m going to be just fine. I am praying for you. Thank you for everything.

Sincerely,

Victoria Chen
(949) 368-7977
Cell (949) 693-2376







September 17, 2007

Dear Victoria;

I was so happy to hear from you. I wanted to know how you were, but I didn’t want to be intrusive. I must tell you that you are an amazing young woman!

When I received your letter, I did something I hadn’t done in years. I thanked God and I prayed, and I plan on going to church this coming Sunday, (another thing I haven’t done in years), providing no emergencies come up. But even if it does, I plan on going back when I can. I want to know the God that you know. I prayed that he would show me the way. I have been many places and seen the worst that life has to offer. After awhile I just thought God doesn’t exist; and if he did, he didn’t care nor had the power to change things; that all that I had heard in Sunday school was a bunch of fairy tales, and nothing more. I became cynical and did my own thing; lived the way I wanted.

Some difficulties arose in my department and at that point, I asked for a transfer, and I was transferred to cushiony Laguna Beach; a long way from the inner city of San Diego and L.A. where I started years ago. I thought I was getting away from it all, just cruise though the rest of my years until retirement, but I found myself in a world with a different type of crime-too much of a good thing, and then you came along. I’m so glad I met you but I wish it were under different circumstances.

Your bravery and courage to come forth was an eye opener, along with your love for God really touched me. You see Victoria, I too was date-raped years ago and like most women, I never said a word…we just assume it’s our fault and let it go: chalk it up to “You live and you learn.”

I pray that God will use you to speak to other girls-woman-to not let it go, but to SPEAK OUT against this tragic, and all too common, everyday occurrence, and at least try to bring criminal justice to the perpetrators. Even if it can’t be proven, at least one tried. And by you coming forth, girls will know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; that there is restoration, and I know for you, you would say only through Christ, which is probably true.

You do know that most cases don’t come out like yours, but then again, I know God was with you, that it went as smoothly as it did. Obviously, he has a divine plan for this.

If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me, and remember me in your prayers.
And, when you do produce your projects, let me know so that I can support you.
Your story would make a good movie—an inspirational one. Stay blessed and in God!

Sincerely,
Diane Reese

The End! By: J.P. Wells-© Copyright 2007

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