Family
GAINING CODEPENDENT FREEDOM!
© July 13, 2007
By Frances Loftiss Carroll
I’m not a specialist at gaining codependent freedom, I’m a writer, and I am, like many of you trying to break the cycle from that problem. I don’t want to be codependent any more. What I would like to do is share some lessons I’ve learned lately regarding my ongoing recovery as a codependent.
1 – Overcoming the inclination to of be “sucked in” or “drawn in” by an abuser takes a great deal of effort. Not to mention courage. Learning to let God handle my life instead of muddling through on my own takes commitment and that’s what I am learning to do – commit all my ways to the Lord 24/7.
2 – Facing my personal slavery issues, from living in the breeding ground of destruction and torment caused by being beaten down by others is painful. I want to get that behind me and live a more positive lifestyle. We must deal with any number of issues from our long range past problems as well as more recent issues that have overwhelmed our life and our spirit.
3 – We have to “be flat footed determined” not to cling to past resentments, fears, and heartaches.
4 – With God’s backing and the help of a great Christian counselor like mine, you have to reidentify yourself and create an appreciation of your value to God. You are not some little mousy, beaten down soul who has no hope for the rest of life --- you are worthy of nourishing relationships and friendships – and yes, even being loved by others is obtainable if you will allow God to lead you into the right kind of relationships. Don’t just jump into a relationship with anyone. Take time, God’s time, and patiently cultivate each relationship based on an understanding that you need to seek God’s approval ahead of your own desires. God will point you to healthy relationships if you desire Him to be involved in your decisions and choices.
5 – You MUST realize your significance to God and understand that the Lord wants to help you improve your life and set your focus on God’s desires for your life.
6 – You have to stop crying and being afraid of life. Christian, you have to see God’s ways and be interdependent on Him. He will see you through anything that comes your way. You must declare Christ as the lover of your soul each day and you certainly must allow the Holy Spirit to teach and show you a more positive lifestyle.
7 – Your private journey of faith and belief, have to become more public, you should spend time seeking to know the Lord more passionately.
8- You need to recognize your personal power is found in your High power. That’s CHRIST ALONE ! We need naught outside of Christ for when we believe and totally trust him for all things He will provide what we need. That doesn’t mean God will give you money, a wide screen TV, a new car, and pay off your credit cards; that means the Lord will give you what you need to live as He sees fit. He gives us what we need to live as we live seeking His blessings. When we depend on Him and quit trying to make “life’s systems and the system” work on our behalf, then we can see what the Lord can really do on our behalf…truly trust, surrender the “I wants” and let the Lord be your focal point. When you do that then other things start falling into their proper place as the Lord can and will work out things for our good.
9 – Be real. Don’t play the same games you’ve been playing for years.
10- Avoid people you know “pull you down” dump the destructive out of your life and continue to set you mind on issues that matter. What are those things? Read Colossians chapter three and you’ll find a good starting place on focusing your thoughts.
11 – Spend time reading the Bible and praying. I know…. it’s hard… and Satan will do everything he can to keep you turning the wrong corners and staying away from God’s encouragement for a better way of life.
Lastly stop playing the blame game. Accept that mistakes have been made in a lot of places. Lay to rest the past. Don’t play the “I remember back in 1994 when….” game. Give everything to God and let it go…determine your course daily by asking the Lord for help even before your feet touch the floor in the morning. And, give thanks to God at night…it’s a start…commit to the new ways with the Lord showing you how to live.
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A great set of "rules" to a better understanding of one's worth! Positive reinforcement. I tell myself these things each day - so nice to know there are others who feel letting God into their life makes all things easier. Thanks!
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