Humor

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Have you ever noticed some people use words that mean something altogether different from what you understand them to mean? I would not say they do this to lead us astray. They do; I just would not say it.

I had all but forgotten this until a recent stay at a motel. When registering, I mentioned that I wanted a few days of rest and quiet with the least amount of disturbance.

“Ah,” the manager said with a smile that could light up New York City, “I have just the room for you. It’s out of the way, it’s quiet, nothing will disturb you.”

Those were the words I wanted to hear. At the time, I assumed his definition of those words ran parallel with mine. They ran, for sure, but in an opposite direction from the one I was looking.

He showed me the room, and it was much as he described it. A special room situated in a corner far from all the other motel traffic, next was an alley where I could conveniently park my car and come and go as I please. It seemed especially suited for my pleasure.

Smiling he handed me the keys to the room. Then he explained to me the timing feature on the TV. He was especially proud of this feature and was sure it would benefit my stay at his motel.

“All you have to do,” he explained carefully, “is set the time you want the television to come on in the morning and it will turn on automatically.” With that, he smiled broadly and left me to the room by myself.

Immediately I set the timer for 8:30 a.m.

That night I settled down for a serious night’s snooze. I love it when a vacation plan comes together.

Suddenly, there was a terrific explosion, a flash of light and voices in my room. After listening to all the news reports of terrorism around the world, I immediately feared my room had exploded. In the confusion, I could not understand why terrorists would target me.

Sitting up in bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and surrounded by the lights and noise I gained some semblance of consciousness. When I did, I realized the lights and noise were coming from the television set.

Upon investigation, I discovered the clock in the television was not set properly. Sure, I had set the timer for 8:30 a.m., but I had failed to realize the clock was off about five hours. Even though the real-time was 3:30 a.m., the clock in the television said 8:30.

The only thing to do at 3:30 a.m. is think vulgar thoughts and throw my slippers at the TV.

As I drifted back into La-la-land, I thought I heard the pitter-patter of something in the room ... then everything went black.

The next night, as I was drifting to sleep, I heard similar sounds and then thought I saw a shadow pass before me on the wall. I jumped out of bed and turned on the lights. I thought I caught something move out of the corner of my eye. But, alas, nothing.

Perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me. If it was, I was not amused in the least. I had come here for rest and rejuvenation and my mind better get with the program.

The next night I went through the same ritual. Then a plan began to emerge.

I pretended to settle down for the night and said loud enough so everything could hear me, “Well, I think I will go to sleep.” I turned off the light but kept my hand on the light switch. Patiently I waited for a few moments, and then I heard it.

At the first sound, I held my breath and waited. Soon, another noise, then another.

Finally, I flashed on the lights and saw several creatures of the night scurrying back into the shadows. My first thought was cockroaches. But these were not cockroaches. I discovered a large family of lizards, who seemed a little embarrassed to be so exposed.

As I sat on my bed and searched the room with my eyes I could feel them watching me, waiting for me to turn off the lights and go back to sleep so they could resume their nighttime frolic. I was not about to give them that pleasure even if it meant staying up all night with the lights on.

I did not know if I should go down to the front office in the morning and pay for double occupancy or not. After all, I only paid for single occupancy and since I was sharing my room with an entire family, I thought somebody should pay.

I was assured I would have the room all to myself. I thought he meant that I would have it all to myself all the time. Never once did he mention a night crew that would be occupying my room at the same time.

Perhaps in the fine print something of this nature was covered, but who reads fine print.

Fortunately, the Bible is not this vague. It always says what it means and means what it says. For example, Psalms 119:105 says: “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” And it is.

And, Psalms 119:16 says: “I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word.” And I do.

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