Women

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In-Between Staying Power

It is almost midnight. The air feels heavy. There is a solemn silence about me. My babies have just gone to sleep. In lonesome contemplation about my present life, I decide to share the uplifting revelation I have been given by my father above. I would like to share with you how He has illuminated by pathway in the darkness that I have encountered, preventing me from stumbling and enabling me to stay standing and strong. It is almost midnight, and it seems to last forever. I long for the day break, when the cool soothing morning light drives away a lot of fearful shadows, conquering darkness and ushering in a new day of hope. The old adage goes, "The darkest hour is before dawn." What time is it in my whole life today? How am I doing spiritually, mentally, economically and socially? Is there justice in my life today? Justice in the old Testament refers to the whole man. It did not only allude to political or social justice as we normally perceive it today. As the clock in the room ticks away towards midnight, I am filled with questions about the turn that my life has taken since I got married in America. I hadn't envisioned a time such as this, where I feel all alone and lost. Hence to the question, What time is it in my life today? The answer is that it is midnight. or is it twilight when hope seems to be sinking fast with the setting sun? It does not feel to be daybreak when there is a freshness about me. Daybreak implies the shadows are gone. There is no uncertainty or blindness to what we ought to see or know. Darkness is gone, the path ahead we clearly see. Daybreak is the time to not only hope but put that hope into action, to effect the desired change in our impoverished life. I have used the word "impoverished" because it applies to a lot of situations. Some lives are impoverished materially, but rich spiritually. Others are impoverished spiritually, but rich materially. There are also lives which are impoverished in every area. My view is that no poverty is better and acceptable at the end of the day. It's a sign that something is lacking in our life and we need to fill it with whatever is necessary to enrichen it. What also seems to be poverty might appear to be rich to another and vice versa.

Now, why am rumbling about all this? My objective is to demonstrate that it is not always bad in between. It is not always a place of unfruitness as is usually depicted by many. Yes, the in between is usually shaded gray - the scary , not so clear outlines of life. Sometimes it sounds like a place of confusion, as one is fumbling about looking for a place to firmly plant one's feet. In most cases, it is a place of great uncertainty.

Today, I am in between, and I admit there are times when I have felt all the above emotions course through my heart. It's basically the big fear of the unknown immediate future. However, those moments of discouragements are not many compared to the constant faith I have in the living God. I have three children who are depending on me and counting on me for nourishment and sustenance, both mentally and physically. I am divinely appointed to nurture these little souls. They are fragile, but as their mom I have got to be strong. Their stability is founded on mine. I will not do otherwise, but succeed in this mission of raising wholistic children. I will not fail them. That is why in this in-between, I must maintain clarity of vision, faith in God's liberating power and faith in the goodness of the people in my life. I must remain emotionally stable and strong. I am not lost. I am not wishy washy. I knkow where I have come from and where I am going. By leaving my abusive husband, running into a safe house, a shelter for abused women, I am in the light. It may seem like I am in the midnight hour, but in essence I have done the right. I have proved that I am strong, very strong. I stand alone in a foreign land, and dare to be defiant towards the rule of oppression in my life. I am here today writing a new page of hope, for me and my children. I will triumph. Justice always prevails. Where there justice, there is prosperity. I seek justice for me and my children. I am a child of the most high God. "The battle is the Lord's" In between, as I await the manifestation of the rest of God's perfect plan for my life, I am fruitful. I am a woman, a mother, my mother's daughter, someone's sister and a citizen of this world. They are all counting on me to prevail. They are my cheerleaders, everyone of them. Above all, my faith in the redeeming goodness of the Lord shall see me to the end. Like Job, I declare,"I know that my redeemer liveth." In between is part of my whole journey. Your in between was meant to be. Do not self blame. Trust in the living God. He knows what is best for our individual lives. He knows the path we travel. Can you say? "He leadeth Me?"

I hope I have helped a woman, a sister in the lord, someone out there who are in between and feel all alone.

(The circumstances in this story have since changed. My husband and I reconciled for the sake of the children)

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