Communication

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I Surrender All

God is calling me to do something - something more than what I am doing now. I feel a little confused because I don’t know what He wants me to do, but I hear Him calling me.

Revival is breaking out in our little Church! Every week we see salvations, baptisms, people re-dedicating their lives, joining our Church and people called into the ministry or full time service. I want to be sure I’m not being caught up in the excitement about this so I am being cautious, I think. But, I can definitely feel the Holy Spirit for the past couple months tugging away at my heart. Am I running from Him? I don’t know - maybe. I am just so confused.

If I surrender to full time service, what does that mean? Aren’t we all (as Christians) called to be in full time service to God? Two ladies this past week surrendered to full time service. One last Sunday and one this Sunday. I praise God for them! But what does it really mean? Does that mean they quit their jobs and completely surrender all to God? Is that total abandonment to the Lord? To totally trust Him to pay their bills and put food in their mouths and their children’s mouths? One of these ladies has seven children - four of her own and three step-children. What will they do if they quit their jobs? I wonder. There are no paying positions open at the Church.

Or does it mean that they just finally said “Lord, I surrender all to You. Whatever doors You open for me, I will pass through for Your glory.” If that’s what it means, then I am there. I do surrender all. I just don’t want to make a big to-do about it. What if I fail Him? What then? I know He always forgives our failures but can I forgive myself if I fail Him? I have failed Him so much in my life…..

Then, there is my family. I am the only Christian in my family who is actively involved in Church, except for my grandchildren, whom I try to take every Sunday and Wednesday night. But there is no support from my husband or daughters. They already think I am a fanatic! Can I really make a bigger difference for the cause of Christ without any family support at all?

I guess I am asking for advice here from some of you brothers and sisters in Christ. Some of you are a more mature Christian than I am and can better understand what it means to surrender to full-time service as a woman. A lot of you know my story; I was saved as a very young girl, got away from God in my teens and about six years ago asked His forgiveness and turned my life around. God gave me a second chance, and a third, fourth, and fifth. You get my drift. I say all this because I have only been back in Church as an adult for the past six years - so am I missing something? Like I said, aren’t we all called to do more for the cause of Christ? How do I know if He really has something special in mind for me to do in the Church? I have prayed about it for a long time. I guess I am scared. Is it normal to be scared? Does it mean my faith is not strong enough?

God has blessed me so much in the past six years and I want to do all I can to please Him. I feel myself at a crossroads in my walk. There is no going back. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God, in Christ Jesus - as the Apostle Paul said. I am just not sure what He wants me to do. Please pray for me - that God would reveal Himself more to me and show me what He has in mind for me. Also, I truly seek your honest advice. Thank you and I love you all.

In Christ,

Julia

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